Defiant. Prone to brooding. Sneaky. Messy. Have I already mentioned defiant?
Recently I was thinking about some of the shit that I did when I was a kid and if I were my mother I would have never stopped beating me.
I once carved my initials into one of the living room end tables with her good sewing scissors and then covered it up by moving the lamp forward by about 3 inches. How stupid was that? I mean first of all nobody was allowed to touch the good sewing scissors and second of all, it wasn't like she wouldn't eventually see the carving when she moved the lamp the next time she dusted in the living room and lastly, as if she wouldn't find out it was me? It was my freaking initials.
I don't know to this day why I did it, but here is a photo of the lamp, the table, and the mother. No, to answer the question that is probably currently forming in your mind, I have no idea what the fuck she is wearing.
You would think that that kind of shenanigans certainly deserves a good solid 1970's style childhood spanking. But my mom wasn't really the spanking type.
My typical punishment was a lengthy grounding after having been lectured for eternity. My mom would ask me questions during the lecture and then yell at me when I answered. Conversely, she would also yell at me if I didn't answer. "Answer me!"
There was no winning.
After awhile this type of intercourse becomes predictable and meaningless.
Once during one of her lectures I interrupted my mother's tirade to ask with a bored sigh, "Can't you just beat me like other parents do?".
I was a little asshole.
The reason why my mother had ceased to spank me is illustrated here in something I've come to refer to as "The Spanking Circle".The spanking circle is what you get when you cross an angry, screaming, mother-type lady who has grabbed the arm of a little punk, misbehaving girl-child and attempts to spank the girl-child while the asshole girl-child screams back profanities, puts her free hand over her ass for protection and tries to run away. The result is a spinning whirl of angry mother-daughter dispicable-ness.
I deserved every one of those lectures.