Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Nobody In Their Right Mind Would Need This #11A Bonus Velvet Edition

Fuck it. This blog and this post in particular is X-Rated.

OK, I'm posting this.

I've been holding onto it for some time now and can't seem to let it go. It's a little more on the risque side than my normal "Nobody Needs This" post, so I've put the picture of the item down closer to the bottom in case you don't want to see it, you'll have time to click off of my blog. Here is a nice blog about knitting you can click on instead.

Today I release to you:

The Wonderous Vulva Puppet
This item sells for $600. That's American dollars. This price doesn't include $30 to ship inside the continental US. I'm at a complete loss for words. Well, not really.

The website where I found this thing describes it as a tool for educators, healers and lovers. I totally get the educators and healers part. That makes sense. But if it's a tool for educators and healers why does it have to be velvet and cost 600 bucks? If it's a tool for lovers - get the fuck away from me.

Seriously, if you require a velvet vulva puppet to explain to your man all the things he's doing wrong you've probably got more problems outside of the boudoir and should break up with this dude.

Or worse yet can you imagine your mother coming after you with this thing to teach you about the birds and the bees?

This is kinda gross, right?

Or am I just bad at womanhood. No don't want to use the word hood...


Now, all that being said they are kinda pretty and I can't help but like this product and the fact that someone goes out and buys fabric and sews them together.

Wait. No. That didn't come out right.
Buys fabric and stitches...

Nope. That doesn't work either.


Step Right Up said...

I thought it was a fancy horse harness. No?

pistols at dawn said...

I thought it was a new kind of ribbon to pin to your lapel and show the world you care about some kind of disease.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Damn YOU Blogger - I wrote some clever and cute responses to my comments and Blogger took them away.

Step - No, but thanks for the visual image of that.

Pistols - Yes. Please buy one and wear it around town on your lapel. Please.

Jamie said...

It is too pretty. I never would have noticed what it is supposed to be.
A fourth target market (besides educators, lovers, and healers) would be wedding planners. They could use this as the ring pillow. It would add a lovely, rosy touch to the whole thing, don't you think?

Churlita said...

If anyone came after me with that thing, whether they were trying educate me, heal me or love me, I would run away screaming.

Tara said...

Title on resume could read:
Sewer of Vulva Puppets...
- I sew together vulva puppets to distribute to teachers, healers and confused lovers everywhere

It kind of looks like a cozy for a bed pan!

The Guv'ner said...

I would have thought it was something Liberace would perform the climax to his show in (you know when he was ALIVE) but then I realized what it was and was like "Yeah, like Liberace would be seen DEAD anywhere near one of those, let alone climaxing with it!"

Gosh my comment's even more risque than your post! :)

Del-V said...

If I saw that on the Muppet Show I would throw up.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Thank you everyone for your fun ideas! I should have posted the vulva puppet a long time ago. Next time I have something so weird I won't hesitate to share.

Kitty said...

i think that is a lovely vulva and its maker is quite the talented seamstress!

Eric said...

Wait I don't get it. What's a Vulva? Why does that pillow have all those weird extra frilly things?

Just kidding.

Or am I?