Monday, November 12, 2007

In Response To Your Google Search Query #3

Dear Person Who Found My Blog Via The Search Query "my husband get irritated in the evening",

Aw honey, don't they all?

My husband get irritated in the morning, afternoon and evening too. He's irritated all ding dong day and frankly there's no solution that doesn't involve sore knees and personal lubricant. So either file for divorce or learn to live with it.

Just kidding!

Seriously darlin' if your husband gets irritated in the evening perhaps you should consider changing your routine. I've been happily married for 5 years and firmly believe much of our marital success is due to this one factor:

When my husband comes home in the evening I leave him the hell alone for 20 minutes.

It wasn't always this way. When we were newly shacked up I typically came home from work before him and having had my own down time, would greet him at the door with nonstop chatter, never realizing that my darling needed some down time too.

These days it's a kiss hello and then immediately goodbye. A scant 20 minutes. Try it.

If that doesn't work you can always greet him at the door wearing nothing but a wristwatch and a smile.

And finally a man's good humor can always be brought back to life with a glass of red wine and some fine chow. If you double that non-yammer time to 40 minutes you can make him this healthful and very easy recipe, guaranteed (not really, although it is delightful) to bring a smile to your grumpy husband's face and subsequently your face too.

Sausage & White Bean "Cassoulet"
(Altered slightly from a recipe in Gourmet Magazine)


4 Sweet Italian sausage links (about 10 ounces total)*
1 teaspoon olive oil
2 medium sweet onions, halved and sliced thin lengthwise
2 garlic cloves, chopped fine
1 1/2 teaspoons mixed chopped fresh herbs like rosemary, thyme and/or sage or 3/4 teaspoon mixed dried herbs such as Herbs de Provence.
1 bay leaf
1/2 cup chopped scallion greens or fresh parsley leaves
1 (14.5 oz.) can diced tomatoes including juice
1 (19 oz.) can white beans such as cannellini, navy or Great Northern, drained and rinsed

For Topping (optional):
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 slices firm white sandwich bread, crusts discarded, cut into 1/4 inch cubes
1 small garlic clove, chopped fine
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh parsley leaves

In a medium skillet, cook sausages in oil over moderate heat, turning them until browned on all sides and cooked through, about 8 minutes, and transfer to paper towels to drain.
In fat remaining in skillet, cook onions until soft and transparent, add garlic and stir until golden or caramelized. Stir in herbs including bay leaf, scallions or parsley, tomatoes with juice, and salt and pepper to taste. Boil the mixture 5 minutes. Cut sausages into 1/4 inch think slices. Add sausage and beans to tomato mixture and cook, stirring, until heated through. Discard bay leaf and keep "cassoulet" warm, covered.

Make topping:
In a small skillet heat oil over moderately high heat until hot but not smoking and saute bread until pale golden. Stir in garlic, parsley and salt and pepper to taste and saute, stirring 1 minute.
Transfer "cassoulet" to a 1-quart serving dish and cover evenly with topping.

*I substitute with sweet Italian turkey sausage because it's lower in fat and cholesterol and every bit as tasty.

If you've stopped yammering at him for 20 minutes, served him this beautiful meal and done the thing with the knees and the lube and he's still irritated the man is a total asshole and you should probably change the locks and call your attorney.

I mean at that point isn't he the one who's irritating you?

Fuck that shit.

Best Wishes & Kindest Regards!
The Lady


The Guv'ner said...

awww man, I don't know if it's because it's late and I have Corona or what but that made me laugh my ass off. In fact, my ass is now on the floor and i'm having problems with the couch. You try sitting without an ass. Talking of asses (ha!) you're spot on about husbands.

Family Adventure said...

Yet another brilliant insight. You never let us down. Personally, I was changing the locks and stuff after greeting him scantily clad to no avail. But that's just me.

Heidi :)

Kitty said...

Bravo! I give my sweetheart a big miss when he first hits the door after 1.5 hours of snarling traffic.

Big miss.


Eric said...

When I read the first paragraph I immediately thought, "theirs actually a pretty simple solution to that." But you covered it with the "sore knees" comment. Really that works every time. Although that recipe does sound delicious, I'm sure that gets the job done as well.

Step Right Up said...

Now let me get this straight...dinner, a drink, lube, kneepads, and keep my mouth shut...I think I got it. Who needs Dr. Phil?

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Guv - you're probably hammered, but I'm glad you liked it. Be careful will ya? Don't hurt yourself, you need that ass for later.

My husband is the grump of all times, but easily won over and a total marshmallow with the right meal and a little lovin' ;)

Heidi - I'm not an answer the door nude kind of person and whenever I've worn sexy numbers it always gives us the giggles. Food always works though.

Kitty - welcome to my blog! you smart girl you! We don't have traffic jams where we live (although the other people who live here, that have never lived anywhere else think they do - they're so cute!) but my husband comes home grumpy anyway. Nothing a good solid 20 on the throne won't cure.

Eric - welcome! I'm sure that is the first thing you thought, but you probably would have thought that no matter what the first paragraph was, eh? I know my shit.

Step - Dr. Phil can kiss my grits. My method works in reverse for the cranky women in the gentlemen's lives. I just happen to be the perky one in our relationship. Wait. The knee pads are for rollerblading. What are you referring to?

pistols at dawn said...

We're simple creatures - food, doing it, and leaving us alone (and that means not trying to force us to pretend we like TLC house-fixing shows) go a long way, ladies. There's nothing hotter than you not needing us.

Churlita said...

Awesome insight.

My neighbor once said, "After 10 years of marriage,, the one thing I've learned is to put-out. We don't argue or have money problems if he's getting it regularly." Ahhhh, love.

another good thing said...

Haah! you crack me up. I love the tag- blow jobs shut men up.. heh.
so, after all that grand advice, should I be concerned that the person who found my website was looking for "iwannabeapornstar" You got any advice for him/her?

cooper green said...

I see that Julia Child takes a slightly different approach. She holds a small kangaroo up by the legs and exposes its groinal area to her loved one, presumably suggesting that they nibble off a quick one while the parsnips are coming to a boil.

Or it might be the other end of a chicken. Still, it's a nice sentiment.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Pistols - You are so very right. When I was first dating MDH we went to a party together where I proceed to igonre him all night so much so that at one point a man I was speaking with introduced us to each other. Later he revealed it was the hottest thing any woman had ever done on a date.

Boys are weird.

Churlita - too true - and it's not like there isn't anything in it for me.

AGT - iwannabeapornstar? hmmm - since it's all about the shoes refer here:

Coop! - Julia, or as I like to call her The Great & Powerful Broad - knows all of the secrets to enjoying life's great pleasures starting with how to make an extraordinary souffle, but also the cautionary arts and boudoir charms. That chicken is anotomically correct and she is showing us the proper way to tickle a fancy. We should all bow to the Great & Powerful Broad.

Killer said...

Good Idea. I wish I could get my coworkers to leave me alone for twelve hours, but I would settle for twenty minutes.

Jamie said...

We kiss hello, I hand off baby, and then it is down time for me. He had down time all day at the office.

Superstar said...

SOOOOO true, I used to let my ex talk first...trying to remember "he who talks first, looses"...LOL ;o)

The men like the "cave" and their "re-focus" time...

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Killer – we all need to be left alone – and then some of us (me) are unemployed and left alone for too long and end up talking the heads off of the first human being we see all day.

Jamie – bringing a baby into the equation changes all the rules but it sounds like you have adapted nicely :)

Superstar – I need my cave and refocus time too – he does his refocusing

Betty said...

there was lube in that recipie?!

I think I like your explanation....nobody likes to be pounded on the second they walk through the door. It's true.

I hope you stay married for a very, very long time. HAPPILY!