Friday, December 21, 2007

Because I Was Wrong and Turnabout Is Fair Play

Yesterday on kind of a whim and to very mixed reactions, I posted a picture I had found a long time ago. I can't remember what train of thought I was following, but I typed the word "ugly" in a Google Images search. I never looked at the web page upon which it was originally posted by someone else. It did occur to me that perhaps the original poster wasn't being very nice, since it was listed under "ugly".

The picture I posted is of a young woman with buck teeth, what appears to be a lazy eye and a sweet smile on her face, all dolled up for some kind of formal sorority type of yearbook photo. Her hair is piled high in a Loretta Lynn style swoopy bunned do, formal off the shoulder gown, big giant 80's era gold earrings and dark red lipstick. It was not the kind of photo I had been looking for, but I saved it anyway, because it made me smile and yes, giggle too.

The photo in question has been sitting in a photo file folder for about 5 months or so. I see it every time I scan through those pictures. Every time I see it, it makes me smile.

I don't smile at it because I think the young woman is ugly. I smile at it because she has a lot working against her and she made serious effort. The big hair with crooked bangs, the big gold earrings, bright red lipstick.

I smile at it because there are days when I feel so unattractive that I can barely get out of bed, let alone put on lipstick, fix my hair and feel beautiful enough to have my picture taken. Most of the time I walk around in life feeling pretty cute, but I'm still grounded enough in reality to know that I'll never make People Magazines list of beautiful people. I'm OK with that. But there are days...

An anonymous commenter left me this about it:

I didn't even notice her bangs. If the girl in the photo happens upon this blog she won't think you are making fun of her bangs either, but her unfortunate lazy eye that she can't do anything about. Jesus. You should post a current picture of yourself before you post pictures of strangers.

In my post I said that I didn't think the woman was ugly, because I don't. Nor did I mention anything about a lazy eye, which she may or may not actually have. I did mention that her bangs were noticeably crooked.

Anonymous is right though, I should post a current picture of myself before I post pictures of strangers. And here it is:

This is me - today - this morning as a matter of fact - after I first woke up and read the anonymous comment.

This is what I look like when I don't smile, have on no make up and have just rolled out of bed. I haven't had my tea yet either.

My hair is not half bad in this photo, but I promise you I haven't combed it. Besides if you saw it from the back you'd see that it's wrecked, but it's hard to take a picture from that angle so you'll have to take my word for it. I am fat as a goddamn bear, have blotchy skin, red rimmed sleep deprived eyes with unlovely bags under them. I'm also noticing for the first time today that my upper lip has disappeared and that my nose is oddly shaped.

I have taken yesterday's post down and will never put it up again. I had mixed feelings after posting it anyway, but I guess I was thinking that, well, I don't know what I was thinking.

I know I don't look very sorry in this photo, but trust me I really am..

Who knows, maybe somebody else will do a Google Images search for "ugly" and come across my picture here.
I'll tell you what Anonymous, it's awfully hard to push that publish button when it's a nasty picture of myself, but here goes...


Princess of the Universe said...

I admire the fact that you both a) posted a photo of yourself and b) took the other post down.

I questioned the post myself, but as I don't make a habit of making negative comments I let it go.

Thanks for once again proving your fabulousness!

Tara said...

I had a holiday listed on my blog a few months back for people to post their before and after photos. Before coffee and makeup and then after. I never did it, though. Maybe I should. I feel like my face is all puffy in the morning, but then I deflate as I have coffee. Also realized that one of my eyes is bigger than the other. Might have something to do with my astigmatism, I don't know.

pistols at dawn said...

Admitting you're wrong? What the hell is that like? I've often wondered.

Still, I'll give you credit for something. Maybe bravery?

Then again, I've posted more than once making fun of people with lazy eyes, so I'm not really the litmus test of justice here.

Also, it's the internet. If you're actually as fat as a bear, then you're still among the slimmest people here. Before 11am yesterday, I had a bowl of cereal, two donuts and a huge coffee, a greasy grilled cheese, milkshake, and french fries with gravy. So cut yourself a break, too.

Del-V said...

Lady - I don't know much about Karma but I do know you did the right thing. Congratulations. Now that I said that, I need to get back to work. I have an orphanage to evict before Christmas morning.

Anonymous said...

You know, yesterday while I was bed ridden, I saw that photo you posted. It did make me giggle a little. I'll admit it. I didn't get the chance to read the post that was connected to it so I cannot say if, for me, it was inappropriate.

I'll say this. You are a good person. You definitely do not set out to offend people. You're a BIG person to admit any wrong doing you think you have done. And just for good measure, you turn the tables on yourself and take a photo when you think you aren't lookin so fab yourself.

I hope Anon will be big enough to accept your peace offering.

Churlita said...

That's brave of you to admit you were wrong,but especially to post that photo. Like I said on that one post, I stay away from making fun of people's looks because I don't feel like I have any room to talk, but you're adorable even when you just wake up.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Princess - thanks! It was one of those posts that was just wrong and I've never posted a picture like that before, and won't again. I'm not sure how fabulous I am, but I feel a lot better now.

Tara - I wish I could say there was a noticable improvment from merely ingesting caffeine, but alas much more work is required to acheive my normal cuteness.

Pistols - I'll soon go back to my normal righeousness and superior attitude. Make fun of lazy eye all you want, just don't post pictures.

And since I had a much healthier breakfast than you, consisting of a fudge brownie, half a chicken sandwich and an entire pot of English Breakfast tea (with Splenda, of course) I won't beat myself up.

Del-v - thanks! It felt like the right thing to do. Good luck being Simon Legree. Orphans can be so greedy this time of year, what with wanting a roof over their heads and all.

SRU - It made a lot of people giggle, and the post was appropriately titled Guilty Pleasures. It was inappropriate.

I don't know that I'm a good person, but I'm a pretty good person and certainly I am big. At 1pm I'm still not lookin' so fab, but I feel a lot better about myself.

Churlita - I'm glad you think I look adorable, and I probably don't look as bad as some folks when I get up in the morning, but this photo looks like Nick Nolte's mug shot with better hair and a cleaner shirt. Thanks though, really.

i am playing outside said...

good for you. nothing else needed.

by the way, i absolutely love the colour of your eyes. very smokey. beautiful.

Anonymous said...

I must tell you how shocked I am. Up until now i was convinced your profile pic was the real you. Well, it's not often one chooses to use their real pic as their profile pic, as I do.

WendyB said...

You are a class act.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Player - well thank you so much! The last word I would've expected associated with this post and my photo was beautiful.

Dick - It's a shocker I know, to learn that I'm not shellacked and made of plastic. I hope you will come back and visit anyway.

WendyB - I'm also a circus act. Really though, thanks! I do try.

Family Adventure said...

Lady: I love you. In a non-sexual way, I should maybe add to not freak you totally out. But I do.

You are a brave soul.

Heidi :)

Anonymous said...

That's really cool of you. Awesome.

Anonymous said...

You're a beauty and I'm not just saying that either. You're also very brave to apologize if you offended someone.

I, too, am also shocked that your picture that comes with your post is not the "real" you. No chopsticks in your hair every day? Wow, now I AM let down.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Hey Heidi - thanks for the love and right back atcha - in a non-sexual way. As the day has worn on I've come to despise this picture, but have decided to leave it up - blotches, eye luggage and all! This is ME and I'm sometimes I'm fugly.

Anon - glad you think so.

Suze - I'm middle aged and holding up pretty well and I thank you for your compliments. Life would be a little easier if I had been molded from fiberglass and only ever photographed from the front.

Anonymous said...

well I was feeling a bit bad yesterday about my mean post and now I'm feeling extremely mean and horrid to boot.

God, If we can't be mean on the net though, where can we be??!

constant_drama said...

Brava Lady, brava.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Betty - don't feel bad Honey!! I wasn't planning to date this woman and YOU didn't post your ugly suitors picture on your blog. So there - you're OK, more than OK you're terrific - and not bad at all!

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Drama - thanks kid! I've been meaning to blogroll you as well you little minx.

Chris said...

Good on you!

A well written post. You've made my day a little brighter by reminding us that we're all in this together, and that we need to be mindful of other people's feelings and foibles...

Chris said...

Sure, as soon as I hit "Publish Your Comment" I think of another comment...

My wife works with the "intellectually challenged" community. They recently had a dance for all the challenged people. My wife took our camera, saying, "they LOVE to get their pictures taken -- it will be a nice gift for me to give them photos later."

It was absolutely, positively touching to see the photos. The mentally handicapped people, all dressed up in their finest, shyly posing for the camera, proud as can be of their new dress... I didn't see their shortcomings when I looked at the photos, all I saw was the pride and hope in their eyes.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Chris - Thanks man. You know in your gut when something ain't right and I never did feel right about that post and then felt especially wrong when Anon commented. I write this blog because it makes me feel good so deleting it felt like the right thing.

You're on my blogroll now too. I love your posts because they are usually very positive and even if they aren't they still make me smile.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Chris - that's kind of what this woman's picture was like for me too. I don't think she was mentally challenged - I don't know, but it felt wrong to post the picture. Especially because I grew up with a sister that had Down's Syndrome. To me she was beautiful in every way, but sometimes if people who didn't know me saw her picture they would laugh.

I have only posted one picture of my sister because it was appropriate for the post. I wouldn't want people to see the picture and think of it or copy it and use it in an ugly way.

laura b. said...

I LOVE this post! So cool Lady.

Dale said...

You only have one eyebrow!

Chaylene said...

You have fabulous eyebrows and very pretty eyes. I'm digging the highlights too.

You are braver than I posting a pre-primp photo. I hate how I look in photos so much that I rarely share any online (even in the close knit parenting message board I belong to).

Bravo to you.

Some Goofy Woman said...

You're beautiful.

I once made an email joke to a friend I hadn't met yet regarding a cast eye. Then I met him. You guessed it.

Cast. Eye.

I made it up to him.