In Response To Your Google Search Query #6

Dear Person Who Found My Blog Via The Search Query "response to being called a monkey's uncle's aunt",

Really?

Aw Sweetie, if you were insulted by this enough to Google for a snappy come back then I'd say you're a tad bit on the sensitive side. Also I think maybe you are too late and the moment has passed and best to just let it go. If you hunt down the person with a come back at this point in time they will think you even more of an inbred simian. It's all right Darlin', let it go.

Besides, coming to my blog for answers may have been a big mistake as I am likely to call you much worse.

Just what kind of backwater, inbred clan of gypsy hillbillies do you live amongst? I'm not saying that as an insult, but more rather wondering if perhaps we are related. You aren't by chance from Kentucky too are you? And if so, what holler? Tell cousin Buell that Lady says, Hey!

Anyhoo...

Having such a strange and yet too familiar brew of DNA, no wonder you weren't able to think quickly enough of a snappy come back.

If you've got an extra chromosome or 3 and someone has insulted your family heritage, I think your best course of action, boring as it may be, is to put down that banana, stand erect and ignore them.

Chin up, head back. Stand proud. Don't let those knuckles drag the ground darling, it's bad for your posture and it'll ruin your manicure.

Yes. Take the high road, don't beat your chest and throw poo. That would just be playing into their game and you shouldn't give them the satisfaction, and besides just who is going to clean up that mess?

If they insist on calling you names, you can always kill them with kindness or a blunt instrument. But if violence isn't your style give them a pie:

Everyone Loves Banana Cream Pie
Ingredients:
1 cup low-fat chocolate wafer cookie crumbs (from about 3 cups cookies)
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 teaspoon instant espresso powder, dissolved in 1 tablespoon water
1 teaspoon canola oil
2 bananas, sliced
2 tablespoons banana liqueur
1 cup prepared marshmallow cream
7 ounces non-fat whipped topping, thawed
1/4 cup semisweet chocolate shavings

Make cookie crumbs by processing chocolate cookies in a food processor until they yield a fine crumb. Add brown sugar, espresso, and oil and pulse until blended. Press mixture into the bottom and sides of a 9-inch pie pan and set aside.
Peel and thinly slice the bananas. Toss banana slices with the banana liqueur and set aside. In a large bowl, stir the marshmallow cream and whipped topping together. Fold in the banana-liqueur mixture. Spread topping over crust and smooth. Garnish with chocolate shavings, if desired. Refrigerate until chilled, at least 30 minutes.

If they are still mistreating you after eating this then write me back and I'll call in cousin Buell to give them a little talkin' to.

Kindest Regards & Best Wishes!
The Lady


Dear Person Who Found My Blog Via The Search Query "my ankle has been hurting is that a sign of cancer",

How the fuck should I know dickhead? Go to the doctor.