Friday, December 7, 2007

I'm a whiz with bedsheets. I mean spreadsheets. I meant to say spreadsheets...

I came home from my interview and immediately started cooking. Well, I hung up my suit, put on my home clothes (slippers, fleece pants and a sweater) and started braising the lamb roast that has been marinating in some rosemary and olive oil in my fridge overnight. I sliced some onions, minced some garlic, jimmied a very dry cork out of a bottle of Shiraz, and then I deglazed my pan.

If you want me to relax, don't send me to a massage therapist, give me a recipe and hand me a knife so I can start chopping onions.

The house smells really good.

I forgot to call MDH because the cooking vibe was so intense. Sorry Babe.

The interview went great and the receptionist fussed over my outfit the minute I took off my coat, "Ooh I love that color combination. You look so polished!" She made me feel like a million bucks, so it was a good way to start the morning.

And now we wait...

Meanwhile I'm chopping and mincing and braising and mulling over every single word that came out of my mouth and trying not to worry.

At one point, near the end of the interview, the man pointed to the paper I'd handed him earlier with a list of all of my personal and professional references on it, and he said, "If I were to ask any one of these people, to sum you up on one word, what kind of responses would I get?"

The people on my list of references are mostly of a professional nature, as you may expect, but there are some personal references on there too. I have known some of the folks on my reference list for a very long time, throughout my adult life and the various stages of my somewhat disjointed career path. I would imagine (and certainly hope), if called upon, they will say great things about me, because any one of them on that list has serious unpleasant dirt they could say if they were feeling the least bit ornery.

All of them have seen me cry, and most of them have born witness to my various states of psychopathic infuriation and use of the most horrid language unbecoming to a lady, on multiple occasions. Well the foul language is an every day occurance. A couple of these people have seen me totally wasted, obnoxious and have even held my hair back while I puked cheap beer. I've had sex with one of the people on this list, multiple times.

So let's hope if asked to sum me up on one word, the people I've used as personal and professional references do not say things like:

  • Moody
  • Crybaby
  • Enraged
  • Frightening
  • Lush
  • Irrational
  • Pothead
  • Pottymouth
  • Horny
I responded to the interviewer's question by saying, Smart, Honest, Loyal, and Funny. Terrific. Fabulous answer if I was applying to be someone's date to the movies. Idiot.

I'm trying not to beat myself up for not saying things like, Professional, Hard Working, Detail Oriented, Excel Goddess, etc.. I should have used more hirable sounding adjectives. Anyway, since I didn't do such a great job with this question I have something to say to some of the people who may be on that list of references and reading my blog - take good care of me and I'll make you a roast lamb.


The Guv'ner said...

You do know the lamb is going to say "nasty, lamb-eating carnivore" when they call him, right? Better roast him fast.

Look at the cute. How can someone eat that? (I will however, wear him on my feet.)


Tara said...

I think you answered that question just fine, considering that he just threw it on you. It showed you could answer questions under pressure.

Michelle said...

Sounds like some kind of stupid Human Resources type question. I hate those. I really don't know what they expect you to say other than things that will make you sound like the perfect employee. Arrgh!

Good luck!

pistols at dawn said...

I wish I'd nailed a few of my references, except that pretty much ensures we'll never speak again. That's why I always get the letter of recommendation as part of foreplay.

Anonymous said...

As long as you didn't say embezzler, murderer, and NOT a team player, I think you'll be fine.

Family Adventure said...

Don't overanalyze everything...don't beat yourself up. Hang in there!!


SkylersDad said...

If only you could have worked in low hanging fruit and synergy into your conversation...

Princess of the Universe said...

Wow, Can I be one of your references? I promise to say amazing things if you're going to cook like that for me :)

Churlita said...

I've never thought to use someone I had sex with as a reference. You'd think they'd give you a good one, so that you'd do the same for them with your women friends.