1. If you have an irritating song stuck in your head on a loop it can be overridden by humming Safety Dance to yourself. If Safety Dance is the irritating song stuck in your head then you must shoot yourself. If shooting yourself is not a viable option then you must sing Safety Dance out loud so that it becomes stuck in the head of someone else as well, because misery loves company.
2. It's not OK to borrow my chaptick so don't even ask. (There are very few exceptions to this - Rachel, Steph, Amy, Becky J, Aria and Playtah, although Playtah would never ask, she could if she wanted to.)
3. The drive up teller or ATM is not the proper place to do your international banking. At least I assume that is what you are doing since it is taking so very fucking long for you to perform your transactions while I sit steaming behind you waiting my turn to withdraw a paltry $20.
4. This one goes out to all you Lonely Hearts (the singles and the marrieds) who may not be getting laid regularly: Taking a nice poo is better than having bad sex*. So keep your bowels healthy and eat lots of foods rich in fiber.
5. Visa is a multinational corporation with an enormous advertising budget who are trying to turn a buck and make you feel guilty with those horrible commercials. They are wrong and it is perfectly OK to pay for things with cash.
*I cannot take credit for this idea - It's from Dave Eggers book You Shall Know Our Velocity. He didn't say poo though, probably shit or dump.