I'm sort of posting a guest blog today. My friend Steph sent me a little do-hickey all about Italian Kids VS American Kids. She's Italian and MDH is an even mixture of Italian and Portuguese. Steph's husband, my very good friend, Dan and I couldn't be more WASP-y. We are constantly comparing how alike she and MDH are to how alike Dan and I are. It's weird.
It's only a "sort of" guest post because I'm changing it ever so slightly and adding in a couple of disclaimers. Also instead of Italian Kids v. American Kids it'll be called Steph & MDH v. Dan & Lady. In case you didn't notice - it's colored like the Italian flag.
Subject: Dan & Lady v. Steph & MDH
Dan & Lady: Move out when they're 18 with the full support of their parents.
Steph & MDH: Move out when they're 28, having saved enough money for a house, and are two weeks away from getting married...unless there's room in the basement for the newlyweds. (Untrue! MDH moved out when he was 17 and never looked back.)
Dan & Lady: When their Mom visits them, she brings a Bundt cake, and you sip coffee and chat. (Untrue! My mother has never been to my house.)
Steph & MDH: When their Mom visits them, she brings 3 days worth of food, begins to tidy up, dust, do the laundry, and rearrange the furniture.
Dan & Lady: Their Dads always call before they come over to visit them,and it's usually only on special occasions. (Untrue! My dad has never been to my house.)
Steph & MDH: Are not at all fazed when their Dad shows up, unannounced, on a Saturday morning at 8:00, and starts pruning the fruit trees. If there are no fruit trees, he'll plant some. (Untrue! MDH hasn't seen or spoken to his father since he was 4 years old.)
Dan & Lady: Always pay retail, and look in the Yellow Pages when they need to have something done.
Steph & MDH: Call their Dad or Uncle, and ask for another dad's or uncle's phone number to get it done...Cash deal. Know what I mean??
Dan & Lady: You'll come over for cake and coffee, and get only cake and coffee. No more. (Untrue! I live to feed the masses.)
Steph & MDH: You'll come over for cake and coffee, and get antipasto, wine, a pasta dish, a choice of two meats, salad, bread, a cannoli, fruit, espresso, and a few after dinner drinks.
Dan & Lady: Will greet you with "Hello" or "Hi". (Untrue! I'm very big on the hugs and kisses.)
Steph & MDH: Will give you a big hug, a kiss on your cheek, and a pat on your back.
Dan & Lady: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
Steph & MDH: Call your parents Mom and Dad.
Dan & Lady: Have never seen you cry.
Steph & MDH: Cry with you.
Dan & Lady: Borrow your stuff for a few days and then return it.
Steph & MDH: Keep your stuff so long, they forget it's yours.
Dan & Lady: Will eat at your dinner table and leave. (Untrue!)
Steph & MDH: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing, and just being together.
Dan & Lady: Know few things about you.
Steph & MDH: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.
Dan & Lady: Eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on soft mushy white bread. (Untrue! I eat my PB&J on nine grain bread.)
Steph & MDH: Eat Genoa Salami and Provolone sandwiches, Rabe sandwiches and Meatball and Pepper sandwiches on crusty Italian bread.
Dan & Lady: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
Steph & MDH: Will kick the whole crowds' ass who left you behind.
Dan & Lady: Are Friends for a while. (Untrue! Dan and I are very loyal friends.)
Steph & MDH: Are Friends for life.
Dan & Lady: Like Rod Stewart and Steve Tyrell. (Untrue! I don't even know who Steve Tyrell is and while I don't worship Bennet and Sinatra I enjoy their song stylings very much.)
Steph & MDH: Worship Tony Bennett and Sinatra.
Dan & Lady: Will ignore this. (Untrue! I have posted it on my blog!)
Steph & MDH: Will forward it. (Untrue! MDH hates this kind of stuff.)
When Dan and Steph were visiting for Thanksgiving I put Steph up to a challenge. I have asked her to write a guest post about her horrible mother-in-law. Yes. Dan's mother is horrible. Trust me when I tell you that Steph has cornered the market on horrible mothers-in-law. Don't worry about Dan, he knows it. So if you leave comments on this post please also include some begging and pleading to Stephanie to please, please write a guest post about her experience with her weirdo mother-in-law last Thanksgiving. It is her story to tell so I cannot write it for her.
Steph - Dammi questo! Sbrigati!!