Thursday, January 24, 2008

In Response To Your Google Search Query #8

Dear Person Who Found My Blog Via The Search Query "having tubs put in your ears",

Sweetie, I cannot imagine this is a good idea, but welcome to my blog just the same!

You are barking up the wrong lady if you are expecting a thumbs up for this adventure.

It's true, I'm old fashioned and behind the times, and so being I'm not a huge fan of any of the sorts of body mutilations, piercings and tattoos that seem to be so popular with you young people these days. While tattoos and piercings can be beautiful and make a statement to the world about what kind of person you are isn't it much easier, not to mention much less expensive and painful, to just get a message t-shirt or bumper sticker?

In any case, I think you will find having tubs in your ears will make your every day life very complicated, for instance, how will you ever be able to fit into a phone booth? Imagine your discomfort and possible embarrassment when you are no longer able to fit into a public restroom stall.

We all suffer for vanity and fashion, but even if you choose a lighter weight material like fiberglass, the strain on your neck and lower back could be unbearable. Besides the wear and tear from every day living would probably cause you to have to have the tubs reglazed periodically and I can't even imagine how painful and costly that might be.

Lastly, I think you should consider the people around you and how annoyed they will be when sitting next to you on the bus or behind you at the movies.


I hope it's not too late, but if your heart is set on it, perhaps you can try out a less permanent alternative, like clip-on tubs and see how that flies before you make such a huge commitment to body mutilation.

Best Wishes & Kindest Regards!
The Lady


SkylersDad said...

If she gets tubs in her ears, can she be in those Cialis commercials?

For, you know, when the time is right...

Claire said...

"clip-on tubs"--ha!

paperback reader said...

I had a guy I knew in college who put batteries through his ears. Damn, that kid was f-ing dumb. Still, women liked him for some unknown reason, so Tubby Ears, I say go for it.

The Guv'ner said...

Hahahaha! What the hell are people on when they do searches?

Maybe she meant tubs of yogurt which would be useful in snacky moments. Although she'd need ears like Prince Charles to carry that one off.

WendyB said...

Tub ears, amazing's all good.

Anonymous said...

Dangling tubs are probably a bitch...

Would these ear-tubs have clawed feet?

I used to have a couple of safety pins through the ears back in the 80's. Needless to say, those have been removed, the holes have closed, and the search for jobs is a lot easier.

Anonymous said...

How would you fit in a phone booth --ha...ha - excellent. Also, where would they hang the shower spray cleaner thing?

rak said...

you were smart to encourage her to try the clip-ons before committing to such permanence... for someone who is condidering tubs for her ears definitely doesn't have the "smarts" to think of trying them out first... and probably doesn't even know anyone who might suggest such a thing.

dmarks said...

It's only a step up toward the goal of having full-sized Buicks attached as earrings.

Quiet one said...

LOL! Calgon...take me away!

Nikki Neurotic said...

You gotta love the searches for your blog...though...sometimes you just have to wonder, what did I write for this search to pop up?

Family Adventure said...

Skylersdad's comment is hilarious!

But I wasn't clear on whether we're talking about the old-style cast iron tubs, or the new, jacuzzi ones? The new type might be complicated to fit into an ear, with the motor and all.

Happy weekend, Lady!


- said...

Dear Lunchlady,

My Frosted Flakes have kind of gotten soggy because I had to do less eating them and more howling with laughter.

You are brilliant.

You also owe me for a new bowl of Frosted Flakes. I'll accept payment in any of the Kellogg's line of cold cereals.

That is all.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Skydad - LOL! and you know I never resort to LOL so it's true.

CDP - ha! backatcha!

Pistols - batteries? That's f-ed up.

Guv - I'm sure she meant "tubes" but it's possible I got it all wrong and she meant "tubas"
who the f knows.

WendyB - accessories should help balance out one's look.

Evil - the fancy ones have clawed feet.

Suze - Man, like most home builders and bathroom designers - I didn't think about where to put products.

Rak - I'm here to help.

Dmarks - it is indeed a slippery slope.

Michelle - soak up kid.

Silver - hey! Welcome! I haven't been getting very interesting ones lately so I was thrilled by the tub person.

Heidi - I prefer a deep garden tub with no jets.

Player - no flakes here but we do have some Frosted Cheerios I can serve you with organic skim milk. C'mon by. Coffees always on too.