Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Chocolate Cake, Toenail Clippings & Virtual Fashion

With MDH away this week in Dallas for his annual presentation to his department to justify why they should keep him in their employ, I've had some time to kick back, have the house and the computer to myself and regress into a slovenly cave woman.

The Things I Haven't Done:
1. Washed a dish
2. Shaved anything
3. Laundry
4. Read, watched or listened to the news
5. Pretended to care about sports
6. Cooked

Things I Have Barely Done:
1. Leave the house - just once for a grocery store run for chocolate cake.
2. Eat
3. Sleep
4. Answer the phone

Things I Have Forced Myself to Do:
1. Shower
2. Job search endlessly (contributes to the barely sleeping)
3. Feed and play with the cat
4. Take out the garbage which is normally MDH's chore
5. Call my mother (OK, I haven't done this yet but I will)

Things I Have Willingly Done With No Remorse Since No One Is Around to Witness or Complain:
1. Designed and furnished a new Sims house

2. Downloaded new designer outfits for my Sims to wear (I'm a total slobbo, but at least my Sims are fashionable)

3. Ate hummus and cucumber slices for dinner with a giant hunk of chocolate cake for dessert

4. Drank milk straight from the container

5. Watched Celebrity Rehab (OK, I feel a little remorseful about this)

6. Cut my toenails in the den while watching Celebrity Rehab and letting the "chips" fall where they may (I'll run the sweeper tomorrow and MDH won't be any the wiser)

7. Trimmed the cats toenails in the den letting the
"chips" fall, etc. etc.

8. Ate and drank from paper plates and plastic cups (so I don't have to do the dishes)

9. Watched Persuasion, which I recorded in high def from Masterpiece (formerly known as Masterpiece Theatre) uninterrupted (didn't answer the phone when it rang a kabillion times)

10. Blog, blog, blog
Tomorrow it's back to a more a normal life of cleaning, cooking, and acting like I a give a damn about sports. Meanwhile I've had a very enjoyable time being a lazy pig and have made some solid headway in the post holiday job searching (two good bites and a possible interview coming up).


paperback reader said...

If I played the Sims, I would spend lots of time doing it, growing my Sim or whatever the hell you call it, and then, on the day when it got married, I would celebrate until I realized the horrible mess my actual life had become.

Then, I would cry.

I think the only reason to get married or live with someone is to provide you with in-house shame police who prevent you from playing video games and not cleaning anything.

Lisa said...

I vomitted a little in my mouth about the toenail clippings...
But MY what fashionable designs! You should consider trying out for Project Runway.

Family Adventure said...

Wow...those outfits look awesome!

And you just described my dream day :)


The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Pistols - Trade the Sims for sports and porn and cooking with yard work and MDH could pretty much have written this same post when I spent so much time travelling last year. We each act like animals when the other is not around because marriage is a partnership.

Lisa - I'm sorry to hear that and hope you are feeling better. Meanwhile welcome to my blog! I can't take credit for the fashions I merely downloaded them.

Heidi - it's great to have a few days of being semi-irresponsible, but the house is a bit too quiet and I'm ready for him to come home.

Tara said...

If I were a Sim, I would love that house. Hell I'm human and I love that house! Looks like it's on the coast of Sim Ocean. During lunch at Chez Tara, I expanded a Sim home, because the family keeps having babies.

When I saw your post at first, I thought it was another meme. Might be fun, though, actually. Does Turtle fuss when you clip his nails?

BeckEye said...

That's a sweet Sims house. I used to be totally addicted to that game, but I really just liked building the houses and then I got bored with the rest of it. And then I backed off because of everything that Pistols just said.

Oh, plus I used to get really pissed off when an idiot Sim couldn't get around a chair or something and would stand there pointing and shrugging. If this happened in a "downtown" area, he/she would cause a clusterfuck behind him/her of more morons pointing and shrugging and yelling shit like "tooo maaa" and then my computer would crash. It's so much easier to bask in TV's warm, glowing warming glow.

minijonb said...

My girlfriend twisted my arm to watch Persuasion... it wasn't that bad. Now I'll have to watch the next 5 weeks of Austen with her...

Anonymous said...

I've clipped my toenails in your fashion and ate chocolate cake and my husband hasn't gone anywhere.

I tried SIMS a few years ago and I burned down the freakin' house. What the hell?

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Tara - I downloaded the house in the picture because the ones I build aren't that pretty. The Sims is a giant excuse for a grown woman to play with dolls. Turtle lived the first 6 months of his life being poked and prodded in a vet clinic before I adopted him, so I can pretty much flop him around like a rag doll and he's not bothered.

Beckeye - My favorite part of the game is building stuff. I was bored with it until I realized I could download so much cool stuff. I'm off and on with it. This week, obviously I'm on.

Minijonb - it was terrific and I'm glad they're going to air my favorite version of Emma with Kate Beckinsale and the Pride & Prejudice with Colin Firth.

Suze - you've gotta buy the poor things a smoke alarm and make sure they learn how to cook so they don't kill themselves.

Anonymous said...

I used to play that game in disgusting lengths...somehow it eventually got boring to me.

Sounds like a quality day...glad you enjoyed it.

rcubed said...

I laughed reading this post, I can totally relate. When my husband's away, my routine veers off into the gutter....eating pnut butter from the jar, not shaving anything, barely bathing, watching Lifetime, and letting all 3 cats sleep in the bed with me.
But I do start to miss him after a couple of days, as do my jeans that start to groan every time I shove my ass in them post pnut butter...

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Evil - it's addicting to a point. I get bored and then they reel me back in with a new expansion pack.

R-cubed - I miss him and after awhile I miss the normal me that primps and eats baby spinach for lunch.

Gwen said...

All I heard was chocolate cake.

Churlita said...

That's so awesome. Your post is one of the reasons I didn't date for 4 years. I couldn't give all that slovenly freedom up.

Anonymous said...

that is indeed an awesome way to pass the time! why the hell not...I live like a total slob from time to time and I very much enjoy it. toenail clip away baby!

The Guv'ner said...

Dude, your Sims need to EAT A GOODAMN SANDWICH! (or a hunk of chocolate cake!)

When I have the place to myself I sit around in my underwear eating ice cream and singing uncouth songs. But then I'm no Lady.

Good for you!!!

Unknown said...

Ooooh. Sims looks fun. I just bought Wii compatible Game cube pets version for the 9 yr old-- have yet to peek in and see if she's mating Bernese Mountain dogs with Chihuahuas.