Hey man, what gives? Please end my suffering and deposit the fucking check already. Maybe I should thank you for reminding my why I so seldom write checks anymore and that reason would be that it feels like a crap shoot every time. Especially when compared to the immediate gratification and sense of closure I get from paying for things online, with cash or using my debit card.
I cannot imagine why you have allowed so much time to go by and still not yet deposited my check.
Are you trying to prove something?
Are you in a contest with yourself to see how long you can go without needing my money?
Are you trying to drive me insane?
Dude, are you dead? What the hell happened?
Did you lose the check? Hey, that's cool. Not a problem. Nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. It happens to the best of us. Please call me and I will gladly cancel the check. In it's place I will pay you in lovely cash that I will happily withdraw from the ATM so that I can have the satisfaction of seeing the $200 drained from my checking account within a matter of seconds instead of obsessively, compulsively checking my fucking balance several times every day like a god damned lunatic to see if you have deposited my check yet.
Banks are located pretty much everywhere around town and every corner of planet earth. I will draw you a map if you need me to. Also I am led to understand that you don't even have to go to a bank. It's true! You can make deposits with ATM machines 24 hours a day and don't even have to get out of your car! It's crazy, but I promise, it's true!
Please don't make me call and ask you about it because by that time I will no longer be able to disguise my hysteria.
You have until Monday. Afternoon. Or maybe Tuesday morning. No later than Wednesday.