Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Nobody In Their Right Mind Would Need This #5 Special! Early Tuesday Edition

The Electric Flameless Candle
Where I come from we would call this a lamp. Some other names I've come up with for this item:

The Incarcerated Arsonists Candle

  • The "Money To Blow" Complete Waste of $18.50 Candle (yes, it costs $18.50 plus shipping)

The I Love Candles But Don't Have Enough Breath Left In My Body To Blow Them Out Candle

The Napper - I'm Not Allowed To Have A Tea Kettle Anymore Either Candle

Feel free to leave your own name for this plastic treasure. I love your input.

Silicone Concealers
As a person with breasts I have to admit there have been times (cold times) when I too have been a little self conscious. Not so much about the fact that my nipples were rock-hard (that's just nature doing it's thing), but more that they were cock-eyed and pointing crazily in completely different directions. Still however, it didn't occur to me that this is such a problem as to actually buy a special device to fix it. Spending $10.98 of my husbands hard earned money on silly-putty nipple cozies seems a bit extreme. If you're that stessed out about high-beams I guess these are cheaper than moving to Miami.

PS (and wink, wink) - A proper fitting, slightly padded bra also does the trick ladies.

Gift Card Maze
The description in the catalog says, "Gift Card Maze turns a gift into an incredible challenge! Once you insert a gift card into the box, your recipient will have to figure out the maze in order to get it out". Well that's just mean. If you're going to make me work so hard why didn't you just get me a part-time job for a present? You and your gift card can fuck right off.


Anonymous said...

I don't know. I might take that candle home with me if the price were right. I picture bare nipples illuminated by the candle lamp... ah.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Hi LBB - enjoy yourself! The lamp is $18.50, nipple putty is a mere $10.98, don't forget the shipping and bottle of ripple. Thanks for stopping by and come back again any time!

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Did you all notice all the groovy aliteration in my previous comment? I'm putting those double p's to work man.

Johnny Yen said...

When my wife and I did our pseudo-honeymoon a couple of years ago at a downstate Illinois bed and breakfast, they had those flameless candles-- real candles were forbidden due to city codes.

My son got a gift card in one of those contraptions, and it turned out to be broken. We broke it apart to get the gift card.

Anonymous said...

Men aren't really that difficult to entertain. We know that. So what's with the nipple putty?!

Anyway, that gift card maze strikes me as annoying. I think a well-placed tap (maybe a few) with a hammer would "solve" that one. I bet the same idiot designed those birthday candles the relight after you blow them out.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

JY - In situations where real candles are forbidden I think it's best to opt for no candles at all. Or if mood is important fling a scarf over a lamp or something.

Harriet Carter makes me laugh

Stajrna - the hammer should be thumped against the head of the person who gives you a gift card maze.

Thanks everybody!!