Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Blog Fodder or Lack Thereof

I've run out of blog fodder today. So instead of not posting anything (probably the smarter option) I have prepared in advance this garbage post consisting of one of those annoying 20 questions type of things. I've a feeling it sucks and is a royal cop out.

Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?
Why the fuck would I do that? Does it work?

What's the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated?
Once I dated someone six years younger than me for way longer than necessary. I thought he was just inexperienced and naive but it turns out he was dumber than a hay rake.

Ever been in a car wreck?
Several, but only one was my fault.

Were you popular in high school?
I was practically invisible and that was all right by me.

Have you ever been on a blind date?
Several, but only one was my fault.
Actually I met MDH on Match.com - we could be one of those barfy couples in their commericials.

Are looks important?
In the arena of love looks are not as important as shared values and pheromones. In the arena of life in general I think it's important to look and smell as if you care at least a little bit about your personal grooming.

Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years or more?
My friend Bob who I met when I was a sophomore in high school. We're not that close anymore, but we are still good friends and keep in contact.

By what age would you like to be married?
Most of my life I would have said never, but I finally tied the knot at age 35.

Does the number of people a person's slept with affect your view of them?
After negative test results for AIDS only if it's in my face and drunk dialing my house on a regular basis and calling me a whore. Otherwise the sleep number is not a factor.

Are you a good tipper?
I am an excellent tipper and woe unto those who dine with me and deny altogether or tip a paltry 15% when fine service has been provided.

What's the most you have spent for a haircut?
$100 American dollars plus 20% tip.

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
Not as a student, but later as an adult.

Have you ever peed in public?
Not on purpose. I'm not sure it's physically possible for me to do such things. I tend to freeze up if the gaps on the doors of public bathroom stalls are too wide.

What song do you want played at your funeral?
Lick It Up. Just kidding probably something equally inappropriate though.

What would your last meal be before getting executed?
Only if I get to cook it myself. I would make chicken fried steak (the secret is to use a lean pork chop that you have pounded the crap out of until it is flat as a pancake), mashed potatoes (I leave the skins on) with lots of real butter, corn on the cob with lime juice, salt and lots of real butter, and of course this meal has to have biscuits with flour gravy. I love this meal, but never make it because it could kill me. If I'm going to be executed anyway I'll probably have second helpings.

Beatles or Stones?
Why do I have to choose? See? This is why I'm agnostic.

If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be?
Someone who is terminally ill and in pain and wants to die anyway.

Beer, wine or hard liquor?
Yes please. If you make me choose I choose red wine.

Do you have any phobias?
I'm agoraphobic and frightened of large open spaces. Being in too small of a boat on the ocean gives me a panic attack. Also can't snorkel or swim if I can't see the bottom. I'm also claustrophobic but not panic inducing, more aggressively irritated in large crowds of jostling people. Riding a crowded subway is infuriating to me. People behave like such animals and I need to maintain a rather large perimeter of personal space. I used to also be afraid of the bathtub in our old house. It was one of those giant jetted tubs and the house was really old and I was afraid that if I filled the tub with water and got into it the weight would make it crash thru the kitchen ceiling.

Jesus, I'm a mess.

What are your plans for the future?
I'm really more of a live in the moment kind of gal. But we are always planning some kind of travel so will probably be heading off to Europe again soon. I'm trying to convince MDH that Venice is fantastic in the winter after New Year's but before Carnivale. We'll see. I guess I should get a job too.

Do you walk around the house naked?
No. Because of my fucked up ankle it's really uncomfortable for me to be barefoot. I've always got on shoes. Also I have huge out of control boobs so I'm usually wearing a sports bra when I'm comfy at home. When I got out in public I always wear an underwire. So there's a vision, a middled aged women wearing nothing but sneakers and a sports bra. Well, I always wear a watch too.

If you were an animal what would you be?
A big braying ass.

What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
Hang up my keys on the knobby thing behind the back door and ask the cat in the most sickening baby talk imaginable if he missed his mommy. It's disgusting and yet I continue to do it.

Do you like horror or comedy?
Comedy. Violence really upsets me.

Are you missing anyone?
All my Columbus friends.

Where do you want to live when you are old?
Paris, France is our current top contender for dream retirement locales. France has terrific healthcare and the best food in the entire world.

Who is the person you can count on the most?
It's a tie between my husband and my best friend. That sounds like an episode of Jerry Springer just waiting to happen.

If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?
Joe Strummer

What did you dream last night?
Remodeling a basement into a bedroom. Really. I have no idea why but I dream of remodeling projects quite frequently.

What is your favorite sport to watch?
A tie between soccer and curling. Soccer because the rules are easy to understand and MDH and I used to have season tickets to the Columbus Crew MLS soccer team. Curling because it's just weird and I love the looks of intense concentration as people push a bowling ball across ice with a broom.

Are you named after anyone?

What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
Red wine or sometimes I enjoy a nice mojito, but it's hard to find a good one.

Non alcoholic drink?
Water or iced tea.

Have you ever been in love?
Lots of times.

Do you sing in the shower?
I sing everywhere.

Have you ever been arrested?

What is your favorite Holiday?
July 4th

Would you ever get plastic surgery?
Maybe. In fact I probably should.

Have you ever caught a fish?
Yes. When I was 10 I went fishing with my uncle Al and kept catching the same stupid bluegill over and over again. The poor things head and mouth were all torn up from my clumsy hands ripping out the hook so many times. It was repulsive and I've only fished one other time after that when I bought fly fishing lessons for MDH and I fished for about 5 minutes. I had a minor freak out when a fish nibbled on my lure and I stopped immediately.


Step Right Up said...

To the first question involving licking a cd, if you have scratches in your cd you can cover it with a fine coat of creamy peanutbutter. You may be tempted to lick it off but DON'T! Instead, wipe it off with a coffee filter to get rid of the scratches and play your cd skip free.
I'm here to help.

Tara said...

Those are great answers!

You could sprain a muscle with out-of-control breasts, so it's good that you wear a sports bra.

When I come home, I talk to my cat in a high pitched, squeaky voice, and sometimes I use baby-talk. Instead of saying "Hello, Skittles!" I say "heyo wittle Skittle-e-dooz!"

Churlita said...

That was the opposite of lame. I think I love you.

Julie Pippert said...

Actually that was ROFLOL hilarious...awesome answers.

I bow in supplication and admiration.

Using My Words

pistols at dawn said...

I don't think Joe Strummer's bringing a lot to the table these days.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Step - that's a lot of work and I'm imagining what Alan would think if he walked in on me schmearing a CD with p-nut butter. It's a fun picture.

Tara - thanks! There is so much more to the cat conversations it's embarassing, but I love that damn cat.

Churlita - thank you! It felt kind of like a cop out, so I'm pleased you liked it! Blushing... shucks... looks down and kicks the ground.

Pip - oh for heavens sake get up... the floor here is filthy!

Pistols - hey man, it's my dream date and it specified past or present and I plan to strongly encourage him to quit smoking.