Wacky Elaborate Facial Hair
I realize that this man has worked very hard growing and maintaining his fantastical, over the top, beardy creation. But why? It looks like spider webs, molded into the shape of one big giant spider, are attacking his face.
I'm not a huge fan of beards anyway because to me it's just one more thing for food to get caught in. Sometimes I get a little skeeved out if I happen to see a man eating who just has regular non-giant-spidery kind of beard.*
When I look at the photo at the top I don't so much admire the artistry of the man's award winning facial coif, but think to myself, "Gross. That must smell terrible and how on earth would you eat an ice cream cone?"
Speaking of gross...
Fart! The Game
My friends and I usually play Taboo or Cranium when we get together for games. Playing cards is not outside the realm of possibilities either, I mean I'm from Ohio where nearly everyone plays Euchre. This farting game however, is indeed outside of the realm of possibilities at any party given or attended by me. I'm pretty sure there's a reason why we limit our entertainment choices in this way. When your host pulls this game out of the hall closet it's time to grab your Tupperware and say your good-byes. You don't have to go home but you can't stay there.
If any of you reading this are clicking off of my blog to Google this product with the intention of buying it, we can still be friends, but please take me off of your Christmas gift list immediately. Have you people learned nothing from the title of this weekly post?
And since things have regressed to this level...
The Butt Bank
As if it isn't offensive enough already - it makes noises too. Loud and gross noises evidently.
I do not recommend Googling "Butt Bank".
*I'm not saying I hate all beards (or the men too lazy to shave them). But I do intensely dislike sloppy beards where the moustache hairs hang down over or too close to the mouth, especially when food is being shoveled into said mouth and gravy/grease/ice cream/pudding/whatever is getting sucked up into or floating of the surface of the sloppy beard. Then the dude licks it. Aw it's just terrible.
It always seems to be that one red-faced old drunk guy too with the sad tiny gray pony tail, the sunburned freckled pate, and the t-shirt that says "Free Moustache Rides". Dude, who are you kidding? Go sober up and shampoo your face.