Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Nobody In Their Right Mind Would Need This #8

Since my darling has been working from home a lot this week and thereby hogging our home office and denying me the non-stop, all ages, open bar, all hours access to my computer that I normally enjoy, I have decided to post my Wednesday feature a little early. Otherwise I may not have a chance to post it at all. As he is currently wearing the pants and paying all the bills, I have to get in here while I can.

Now, onward with gross, out of control consumerism:

Protective Bug Top & Pants
Where the fuck do you live? And what are you doing outside if you think you need this outfit? Obviously the world has come to it's end and the mosquitoes have finally taken over because of all the standing water in your damn dirty birdbath and your neighbor who never emptied the baby pool all summer. You should really just stay inside.

Flowbee Haircutting System

I already have a "system" for cutting my hair and it's called:

"Make An Appointment At the Salon & Have A Professional Do It Because I Give A Shit About How I Look"

I was surprised to see this product is still in existence because it can only mean that people are still buying it. The photograph and model are really doing nothing to make the Flowbee more appealing to anyone. She looks as if it's taking every ounce of energy she has left in her body to grimace. It's a similar expression to the one I have made when I accidentally rolled my hair up in the car window.

BTW: The settings on the Flowbee apparently include Short, Medium, & Krusty the Clown.

Military Car Floor Mats
I don't like to get into politics, but in light of all the rah-rah support the troops hootenanny going on for the last several years and the war in Iraq I find this item infuriating.
Yes. By all means wipe your muddy, sludgy feet on a symbol of our brave men and women risking their lives for "freedom" overseas. Fuck it. I'm going out right this second and burning a flag.


Step Right Up said...

Just when you thought it couldn't get any better...PANTS ALSO AVAILABLE.

I bet all those people who got malaria helping to build the Panama Canal had known about this little get-up

Family Adventure said...

WHERE did you find these?

'cause they're not in the pamphlets we get delivered around here. I'm thinking my boys would look cute in matching bug tops and pants. Do they come in other colours and sizes?

- Heidi :)

Betty Boob Hug said...

hahahha, great post.

I had an especially big chuckle at the do-it-yourself hair style/cut thingymidgiggie.

those bloody marketers must think we are a bunch of morons!

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Step - Panama during the building of the canal is one of the few places other than some of our developing nations where these my be necessary.

Heidi - Harriet Carter is my primary source of useless crap to make fun of.

Betty - I think that we are morons, otherwise these types of products wouldn't exisit. They're here because somebody is buying them and the cycle of waste continues.

rak said...

the sad part is, the people who are buying these products are also sending the next generation out into the world after "teaching" them EVERYTHING they know!!

very funny stuff, btw.

Tara said...

About a month ago, that bug top and pants would've been useful. I keep my balcony door open so that my cat can go in and out at her leisure. So while I was on the computer, the mosquitoes were having a great time biting me. So I either need to buy one of those fashionable outfits or teach my cat to close the door.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

rak - welcome! I'm just as guilty of buying stupid crap as the next lady, but I don't have any kids, so it stops with me.

Tara - I LOVE the idea of wearing the Bug Outfit INDOORS!! You wouldn't even have to have anything on underneath of it. Genius!

dmarks said...

A man, a plan, a canal. Panama.

Now read that backwards.

rak said...

i guess it may seem extreme, but we could've used the bug-wear over the summer when we had a fruit fly problem... and i'm considering how funny it would be to bring in that hair cutting contraption to my stylist and ask her to please use it on my locks:)

The Guv'ner said...


Oh man. MUST GET THE BUG SUIT. And wear nothing under it. And HELLO WORLD!

Honestly, I saw a TV info mercial thingy for that hair cutting travesty and just about wet my pants laughing. I couldn't decide at the time if it was the tequila i was swigging or the ad but now I know the truth. :):)

Churlita said...

I totally forgot about Flowbee.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

dmarks - I'll have to run that one by Alan as he has just finished reading a book about the digging of the canal and enjoys a good word puzzle.

rak - I usually just take a photograph to the stylist with me, but I would give you big dollars to take a Flowbee.

Guv - oh sure the Flowbee is all funny until you realize that people buy it and use it. My best friend Amy's ex-husband worked with a woman who used the Flowbee on her whole family. I'm guessing it wasn't hard to spot them at the company picnic.

Churlita - It's just wrong on so many levels. I'm sure it's efficient, but then if you're going to take that attitude then why even bother with fashion? Why don't we all just wear tan jumpsuits and shave our heads and eat dogfood out of cans with sporks? Sorry. Tangent.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

My uncle had a Flobee!!

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Stepping - how'd he look?

Del-V said...

I'll also need a set of bug-proof mittens. PLEASE tell me those are also available!

Lisa said...

Too funny. The only one I'd seriously consider is the mosquito outfit. WTF do I live? In the south and let me tell you, the mosquitos in my yard are HORRIBLE to the point where we often dont' play outside to avoid them. Is the world coming to an end? I have had those exact thoughts about this situation...

The Guv'ner said...

Dude, every time I read "Short, medium and Krusty the clown" I pee my pants. :)

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

del-v - welcome! I'm sure somewhere out there you can find mosquito net gloves in the mean time don't go outside.

Lisa - welcome to you too! I know, I know we get some pretty bad skeeters up here in Michigan too because of the big lake and surrounding marshes. As I said - stay inside.

Guv - If it's happening while you are at work, make sure you're sitting on someone else's chair. Anyway, glad to be of service!

Chris said...

Those floormats are just plain wrong...

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Hi Chris - thanks for stopping by. Finally! Someone commented about the darn floor mats. Good man.

Lisa said...

MI, aye? I grew up in Troy.

Julie Pippert said...

I'm off to buy that bug top.

Where do I live?


Why would I want that?

Because the mosquitos here are so plentiful vicious YEAR ROUND it's not even funny.

Why that instead of spray?

Because I am already sick from the contaminant overload in this town.

And cabin fever is intense here. So we must go out at some point. We get November through March at best.

Umm hmm this was meant to be funny, not seeming to be at all. LOL

OMG my cousin uses the Flowbee. It' worthy of all you say LOL.

Those mats just aren't right. I can think of other images I might appreciate...LOL

Using My Words

pistols at dawn said...

I'd just like to note that apparently Glenn Close has fallen on hard times, to be in Flowbee ads like that.