Monday, October 15, 2007

Potato Chip Pancreas

A post I saw this morning at Adventures in Self-Loathing reminded me of this story that MDH sent to me awhile back. A Colorado man lost 50% of his lung capacity from inhaling the chemical fumes coming off of microwave popcorn. Granted, this man was consuming 72 bags of the stuff each month, but still.

Although I'm sorry the man had to suffer breathlessness during choir practice I can't help but smirk just a little at the term "Popcorn Lung". Is that wrong? I already knew how harmful fatty, salty snacks can be, but I was thinking more of heart disease and high cholesterol. Popcorn Lung kind of hit me with a no-seem-um. It's the words together, the snack and the disfunctioning organ. So here's my own list of snacks and body parts mixed together to create new scary diseases. Feel free to send me yours too.

  • Dorito Rectum

  • Ring-Ding Liver

  • Corn Chip Kidney

  • Ruffles - by itself could be a disease of the skin, like shingles. Seriously, call in sick from work tomorrow with a bad case of Ruffles.

  • Bugle Neck

  • Pretzel Colon - hot mustard pretzel colon is what they would call a severe case

  • Crudité Ear

  • Triscuit Finger


The Guv'ner said...

I have Corn Dog Navel. (it was a veggie corn dog too!)

Too funny. Popcorn lung. I laughed also. Although that microwave stuff IS pretty nasty.

Superstar said...

I have never heard of this popcorn lung phenomeon...LOL

I love your alternate suggestions...
When I saw the "dorito" I couldn't help but thing about that brand "WOW" and the disclaimer on the bottome of the bag.....may cause anal leakage...*giggles*

Anonymous said...

Many years ago, I dated a girl with pepperoni nipple. She would never give me extra toppings, so I dumped her like the transfat snack that she was.

Great post, Lady.

Family Adventure said...

Hilarious list. I do prefer 'having a case of the ruffles'. How 'bout licorice lice?

- Heidi

Rachel said...

Moon Pie Macular Degeration? That is double fun!

When the Moon Pie hits your eye like a big pizza pie that's Macular Degeration..

minijonb said...

i think i would rather have Triscuit Finger than any of the health problems i've really got right now.

if you drink enough water, it'll kill ya, so i guess everything causes cancer in high enough doses.

Churlita said...

I am laughing too hard at Rachel's Moon Pie affliction, that I can't think of any of my own right now.

Anonymous said...

If I've been backed up, do I have Dorito Rectum or Pretzel Colon?

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Guv - Veggie Corn Dog Navel is a surprise - even vegetarians are subject to bad snacking.

Superstar - Welcome! Olestra is a danger to anyone with good underwear.

Coop!- Pepperoni Nipple - good one! My friend Amy once dated a man who she said smelled like Crazy Bread.

Family - you can remove Licorice Lice with a Candy Comb

Rach - You score many points for the complicated medical terminology.

MiniJonB - Triscuit Fingers unlike cancer can easily be cured with cheese spread or a host of other quick cook recipes by Rachel Ray.

Churlita - laughter is contribution enough

Step - check your pantry it could also be Irritable Frito Syndrome.

Anonymous said...

Pork Rind Abrasions (caused by overcooked rinds scraping gums)

Cheese Wheel Hernia (trying to pick up too much cheese at one time)

Swollen McNuggets (no comment)


p.s. great post, btw. I got a serious chuckle out of it.