Wednesday, February 3, 2010

My heart won't let my feet do things they should do...

Wouldn't it have been great to start off my first blog post after three weeks of zip-o with a grand and exuberant announcement that I have finally after quite a few months (I'm not ready to use the word "several" just yet) landed myself gainful, full-time, permanent employment?

Wouldn't that have been great?

It would have been great, but I'm sad to inform you that I'm still bumming around the house trying not to eat everything in sight while I watch too much reality TV.

Some days are better than others, like the days when a new episode of Project Runway is on, the days when there are actually job postings that I'm interested in and qualified for, or that time that Lady Gaga made a guest appearance on Launch My Line. Good times.

Today's a very good day because not only did I find the first disk of season 3 of The Mighty Boosh from Netflix and this week's New York magazine in the mailbox, I also found the big box of tangerines that my mom and dad shipped to me from the orchards down the road from their house in Florida sitting out there too.

Anyhoo... my job searching hasn't been all terrible. I hit a hot streak a few weeks ago and had two interviews with two very different companies in the same week. Both were for decent jobs that I'm actually qualified to do. I got a little nutty that week fantasizing about how I could wow them both and start a bidding war for my amazingness but the first company gave me a rejection email within a couple of days.

I gotta say that at the same time I was a wee bit sad that I didn't get the job I was also kind of happy that they let me know so quickly. I was almost compelled to write and thank them for getting that shit over with. I think waiting around is the worst part and they ripped off the band-aid so fast, ka-pow!, and made my life much more bearable.

he other company I interviewed with later that same week - not so much. Still waiting. And it's not like I didn't hear anything from them in the mean time. I got glowing feedback after the first interview, glowing, and I interviewed with 4 different people mind you. Then the following week they had me fill out all different kinds of forms and personality assessments and then after that they contacted my recruiter to ask if I was available to set up a second interview. That was almost 2 flippin' weeks ago and at this point I'm near my boiling point. I can only assume that the kind of people who play these cruel waiting games have never themselves been unemployed or they wouldn't fucking do it.

It's not like I mind if the process takes a long time. I get it. I absolutely understand that these kinds of important hiring decisions should not be made in haste, but for the sweet love of Ray J at least let a bitch know when she can expect to hear back.

In the meantime I have Project Runway, Let's Talk About Pep, and the new season of Millionaire Matchmaker to keep me busy and I just signed up to teach English as a second language at my local literacy center, although it'll take awhile before I get to do actually do anything because they have to do interviews and background checks and I have to go through some training courses that don't happen until late April. Stupid interviews. I thought it was odd that they have the volunteer tutors go through such hoops but when an over protective husband who attended orientation with this wife asked if the tu-tees were background checked the literacy center lady hemmed and hawed and finally said she didn't know. Interesting.

Also interesting, while describing the types of people who come to the literacy center for help, she also quickly, and I almost want to say under her breath, mumbled some things that sounded remarkably like "work release" and "parole".

he over protective husband also asked whether or not his wife's time spent volunteering would be tax deductable and whether or not she would be reimbursed for mileage. What a jackass, although I'm glad MDH didn't come with me because those are exactly the kinds of jackass questions he asked me when I told him I wanted to do this. My answer to those questions: I don't give a shit - I'm doing it anyway.

In other news, after 3 failed attempts I finally found a pair of boots that work for me (insert chorus of angels singing Ode to Joy here). The only sort of flaw is that they are not real leather, but leather was merely a nice to have, otherwise they meet all my fucked up leg criteria:

1. Must have a full side zip as I cannot bend my right ankle to accommodate a pull-on style of boot.

2. Must have pointed toe. I can't abide a round or square toe. With my giant frame? It makes my foot look like a hoof.

3. Must have an extra wide shaft. Yeah baby, you heard me right, I said extra wide shaft. (Seriously, all sexual innuendo aside, I've got big calves.)

4. Must be flat or have extremely low heel. Fused ankle. What can I do? My foot is stuck in that position. Any higher than an inch and I can't walk.

So I found a pair that work. Halle-friggin-lujah. Attention People Who Know Me - be prepared to be sick of seeing them.

Something weird just happened. My fingers went all nutty while I was typing and now the font of this post looks janky. I can't figure out how to fix it either. Dang.

So where was I? Boots. Yep. I got boots. What else? Oh hell yes - MDH and I are getting an enormous income tax return this year and are going to buy a new bed. King size.

Our first big purchase as a couple 10 years ago was our queen size bed that we currently use. I use the word "we" loosely as most nights I start off in in that bed, but typically I end up running away to the guest room after having been driven off by some combination of MDH's ungodly snoring and my chronic back pain (because the bed now folds up like a taco when are both in it). I think it goes without saying that it's time for a new bed.

That's it for now except that I'd like to say a hearty congrats and sad farewell to my young friend Jogger who is getting married this Saturday and then moving away to Texas. Good luck kid. Stay in touch or I will hunt you down.

Here's the song I've been singing around the house today, hence the title of my post ...


SkylersDad said...

Nice to see you back, thanks for catching us up!

Bethie said...

link for boots PLEASE...I also need an extra wide shaft ;) for serious!

Churlita said...

Ha ha. Extra wide shaft. Hee hee.

Good luck on the job hunt. I hope you hear soon.

dmarks said...

Good to see you back.

Don't forget the "State of the State" address tonight (or was that last night?). I hear that the governor's got a plan to really turn the economy around this time.

Anonymous said...

If one of your students takes you hostage, don't forget to blog about it.

Linka72 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Skydad - it's good to be back amongst my blogland friends - thanks for still being interested...

Bethie - I hope the info I sent you works out - I know one thing for sure and it's that it's nearly impossible to find wide calf boots to try on in any store - that would be too easy. I hope you have better luck online than I did and maybe you will since I'm guessing my ankle makes my list of boot criteria a little longer than most. After 3 pairs ordered, received, rejected and returned I was thrilled to finally find a pair that worked.

Churlita - thanks as always for your well wishes - it means a lot to me. I'm doing my best to keep my spirits up and prancing around the house all day in my sassy new boots helps ;)

dmarks - hey! nice to hear from you - I know it's going to be Jen's last SOS (so to speak) poor thing - at least she's pretty to look at if she's hasn't been able to be very effective.

Kirbs - I fully expect that if my experiences with volunteering are not rewarding in the spiritual way that I'm hoping for, that at least I'll be able to find something to bitch about here on my blog - no worries.

Linka - Hi! I think I'm some combination of Jaumana and Jacque - uptight and innocent. I have very little Kittie in me (although - I wish I did). As for our taxes - it's a first for us - being unemployed helps but I don't recommend it as a tax saving strategy.

BTW - nobody had better be eating any cheese popcorn in my new bed - but I am hoping it will enhance our sex life - just being able to sleep in the same bed regularly will be an improvement.

Linka72 said...

like the kids say: OHH EMM GEEE, I god damn love "Let's Talk About Pep"..her friend Kitty is me..on the inside.
Oh, and the reasons I hate include but are not limited to:

Your tax refund - I claim 467 dependents all year and wonder why I owe $3000 every year

Your Boots - I have searched far and yes wide all my life for those *sigh*

But really, you'll LOVE the King Size bed..they are just about as good as sex and/or white cheese popcorn.

Tara said...

I hope you hear some good news about that other company!

I once had an interview with a woman who reminded me of the host of "The Weakest Link". Any minute during that interview I was expecting her to tell me I was the weakest link and then snap, "Good-bye."

But on the bright side, she too called me a few days later to tell me that she hired someone else for the position. I didn't want to work with her anyway.

rcubed said...

Good to have you back, I love your posts, such a fantastic writer. Totally not right that one so amazing as yourself should be unemployed.