Things Are Not Always As They Seem

Case in point, tonight's dinner.

Contrary to what you may believe from looking into the pot, I did not pull the rags off the end of a dirty mop and marinade them in dirty dishwater.

This morning I got up at the crack of my ass and tossed a pork tenderloin into the crock pot and poured some vinegar and sauteed onions and herbs on it and let it cook all day on low while I was at work.

It looks like a dirty mop, but tastes so good you'll want to smack your mama. Twice. Not really, leave your mama alone. She's totally innocent in this endeavor and if your mama is anything like my mama she never cooked anything that didn't come out of a cardboard box with directions that said "Just add water".

Anyhoo, my slow cooked pulled pork tenderloin is a thing of beauty. Made even more delectable due to the fact that in light of recent memory problems I forgot that I had cooked it until I walked in the back door after work tonight and got a snortful of the amazing aroma.

I'm getting to like this other me, the one who remembers to do all of this cool stuff. She's amazing.

Other things that aren't as they seem:


My kitchen chairs are lovely, but really uncomfortable. We didn't sit on them before we bought them. This was a big mistake. We should have brought a bucket of chicken and sat down on them for awhile before we made this purchase.

Gotta get some seat cushions.

Also the notepad is not what it seems. You'd think I'd be all organized and shit because I write stuff down all the time. I'm not.

This cool subway poster that MDH pulled down from the wall of the London Underground, glue and multiple layers of other posters and all is also a deadly weapon.



He mounted it on this piece of corrugated sheet metal, but did not do anything to the edges. They are like razors and every time I move this thing I cut the palms of my hands.

Dammit.




My face is not as it seems. Because I am a master make up artist with concealer you can hardly tell that I have a rash around my mouth and chin in the shape of a goatee. I hope it is not because of all the strawberries I've been eating.

Unfortunately I can do nothing to conceal my crazy eyes.


In other news:

1. I got a raise last week. Not enough of a raise that I can actually tell a difference in my paycheck, but a raise none the less. Still my paycheck seems the same.

2. I have added Jerry Fondue to my list. Welcome Jerry. You are in good company. Jerry Fondue seems kinda cheesy, but he's actually a nice guy.

3. How could I forget? It seems that my father accidentally backed over my mother in their driveway with his SUV. That is not how she describes it but that is pretty much what happened. She said he bumped her while she was putting some things in the hatchback. He "bumped" her hard enough that she fell down and hit her head.

She also says that she is "just fine", but then went on to describe a laceration that extends the entire length of her left arm and "a goose egg" on her "noggin". Whatever injuries she suffered were apparently not serious enough to keep them from meeting friends at their country club for happy hour where she described soaking up the blood on her arm with cocktail napkins. It seems the bartender at the club is also an EMT and helped clean her wounds with antiseptic (the kind you can't drink).