Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Paging Charlie Barleycorn

As I am recently unemployed and at a loss for current real life material of any merit I think we can all (and when I say "we" and "all" what I really mean is me and my other personalities, as I can't imagine anyone is reading this) expect this blog to contain many random topics, most of which will pertain to other people in my world who are leading more interesting lives, or with things that have occured in my past. Jesus. That was a long sentence. I'm really bad about knowing where to put the commas.

Todays inane subject: I keep a list of weird names. Yes. You read that right, I have a weird name collection. I worked as the office manager (read - only person in the office) of a small contractor in Columbus and during my time there came into contact with all walks of life and began collecting names. In order to make the list the names had to meet two criteria, they had to be a real person, living or dead and they had to make me laugh out loud.

So in lueu of anything real to say I will share some of the names on my list. Think of the graduation march in your head as you read. These are real people in and around the Central Ohio region (in the order of when I first encountered them:

Anthony Slappy - a customer we did some basement remodeling for

David Branstool - he's a judge in Licking County and performed the marriage ceremony for my best friend.

Anita Parent - she's my cousin but since family love blinded my sense of humor I didn't realize it was funny until later.

Lucshonda McQuirt - it's like something they'd serve at Friendly's

Charlie Barleycorn - I heard him being paged at the Ohio State Fair in the agriculture tent then looked it up later - yep, he's real.

Bubba Winks - child of someone I used to work with (Southsider)

Joe Bobo - a client

Bo Bobo - Joe's dog

Morgan Assman - whatever - it was funny before Seinfeld

Phat Kao - went to high school with her son Phong

Myrna Aukerman - maybe it's just funny to me...

Dan D. Frye - sounds like a great place for mushroom poppers

Gretchen Schlub - I hope she worked against type and was voted most likely to succeed

John Frisbie

Bill MacCracken - rhymes with Phil is why it makes me laugh

Cassius Guttenaire

Joe Schleppi

Bobby Bushey - I believe that it's pronounced "Boo-Shay", but it makes me laugh either way.

Shegow Shegow - I have no idea

Emmanuel Baah - Just say Manny Baah over and over... the laugh will come.

Genya Nudelman - very much like the fictional "Cookie Gugleman" as played my Catherine O'Hara in Best in Show.

Di Nut - di only one

O. Nutter - oh cut it out!

Ima Hogg - look her up:

Donovan Butt

Ann McCann - too bad her first names not Pat - but the ryhming gets me every time

There's more, but they're not worth sharing. Feel free to send along some of your favorite names, but remember - real person - laugh out loud.

Harry Dick, by the way, isn't funny , I.P. Freely did not write a book called Yellow River and Hoo Flung Poo did not write one called Brown Spots On the Wall.

Don't be tired.


Rachel said...

I have a couple to add to your list.

We had a customer at my work with the name:

Nightwind Weaselhead

and I sold a policy to a very nice woman named:

Lotta Cash (this was her married name but still)

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

I'll have to see proof of Nightwind Weaselhead because that may be the funniest damn thing I have ever heard. Proof of address, driver's licence, tell me what city it was in and I'll look him/her(?) up in the local white pages. Seriously. I'm giggling uncontrollably, right this very second.