Nothing. Not a damn thing.
I have been trying to be ultra low key about it in my real life, with family, friends and the people I interact with daily, because I'm sure if I really talked about furniture shopping, out loud, with real people, half as much as I'm tempted to, that sooner rather than later, some one would come along and bash my obnoxious head in.
But you know what? I can say it here, on my trusty old blog. Ahem:
It's possible that I've never been more excited about anything in my entire life.
Maybe getting married, but I feel like I have to say that. Polite society dictates that I should pretend to be more excited about love and family than I am about shopping for a new sofa, like a grown ass woman, for the first time in my entire life. I want to shout it from the rooftops - I'M GETTING A BRAND NEW SOFA!!!!
I will love it, and pet it, and call it George. But not too much. I can't risk pilling or stains.
Cue the confetti* and operatic arias from high on the mountain tops. This shit is important.
In real life though, nobody wants to hear the ridiculous level of earnestness in my voice as I iron out the decision making process regarding a splurge on the suede toss pillows versus the more affordable twill. They will probably want to smother me equally with either fabric selection.
Nobody wants to listen to me yammer on, bright-eyed and nearly combustible, about a rolled arm versus a track arm. Who besides me would possibly give a shit? Maybe MDH, but frankly I'm asking for his input as little as possible, lest he should voice a real opinion and cause me to not get my way.
In fact, in order to keep him quiet and continue shopping as if I lived alone, I have placated him with the promise of something very special indeed. A reclining armchair**. A leather one. And if a leather reclining armchair is not enough to keep MDH out of my grill, this one is electronic. Oohhh... magical. Yes. There are such things as electronic reclining armchairs designed to appeal to the laziest humans among us. If you are so lazy that you can't even be bothered to maneuver a lever with your hand in order to lay down in your bedlike chair - this is the chair for YOU. Bang. Push a button and the chair will recline and come back up automatically.
*What are you kidding me? Don't throw that confetti - who's going to clean that shit up?
**Style of said armchair was subject to my final approval. I'm not having some ugly ass chair in my beautiful new house.
