Oh darn, I left the baby on the bus.

Good Morning!

Am a allowed to be this chipper when it's so early that I haven't even had coffee yet?

I say yes.

It is Sunday after all, so cut me some slack bitches. I can't help it. I'm naturally perky damn it.

I've been tagged by the lovely Gwen over at Everything I Like Causes Cancer for Splotchy's story virus. How thrilling! I'm going to give it a whirl and hope to keep it moving by tagging Linka over at Stop Looking at My Screen... Nosy! I've never tagged Linka before so I don't know if she's game. Are you game Linka?

Directly below, italicized and slightly tiny, is what I assume is the nugget of Splotchy's original idea and then below that in blue is the story:

Here's what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don't know how realistic it is, but that's what I'm aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out.If you are one of the carriers of this story virus (i.e. you have been tagged and choose to contribute to it), you will have one responsibility, in addition to contributing your own piece of the story: you will have to tag at least one person that continues your story thread. So, say you tag five people. If four people decide to not participate, it's okay, as long as the fifth one does. And if all five participate, well that's five interesting threads the story spins off into.Not a requirement, but something your readers would appreciate: to help people trace your own particular thread of the narrative, it will be helpful if you include links to the chapters preceding yours.

- The story begins -
The bus was more crowded than usual. It was bitterly cold outside, and I hadn't prepared for it. I noticed that a fair number of the riders were dressed curiously. As I glanced around, I stretched my feet and kicked up against a large, heavy cardboard box laying under the seat in front of me. (Splotchy)

I hunched down to see what it was, but as I did, the bus violently veered to left. I was thrown up against a heavyset Asian woman with blond hair. I pardoned myself, but she faced forward with no reply. Just then, a man wearing a jumpsuit of silver and gold stood up at the front of the bus. He was holding a megaphone and a box of graham crackers. He held the megaphone up to his face and began to speak... (Some Guy)

"Yukon Cornelius was the greatest prospector that ever lived!" Waving the box of graham crackers over his head, "And the silver and gold nuggets in this box were mined by him at the North Pole!" It was then I noticed the box under the seat was also filled with graham crackers. Not name-brand ones made by the tree-dwelling elves, but the generic kind that come in white boxes meagerly labeled in big black letters: GRAHAM CRACKERS. Probably made by a guy named Butch who masturbates at lunch and doesn't wash his hands.

"And I had a whole bunch more right here on this bus until one of you misfits stole it! Gimme back my silver and gold!"

As I contemplated the man's sanity the bus stopped at a red light, throwing the woman next to me into a fit of rage. Before I knew what was happening she had tossed me out of her way onto the floor and was lunging for the kook with the microphone. Her wig flew across the aisle as she jumped on the man's back and sunk her toothless gums into his shoulder. The two of them went down like a pine tree headed for a Boy Scout lot.

The driver, startled by the commotion, looked up into his overhead mirror, accidentally removing his foot from the brake, and the bus rolled into the busy intersection. (Gwen)

He jammed his foot on the brake as soon as he looked up and saw the traffic coming at his bus from all directions and although he escaped the horrors of causing a multi-car pile up he was only mildly relieved. The driver was far too pissed off with his rowdy passengers to even notice that he had narrowly missed plowing over a woman pushing a baby stroller filled with kittens across the street.

It was just as well because had he noticed he might have been very disappointed. The bus driver really hated kittens, but he had bigger matters at hand. He parked the bus and stormed his way back to Yukon Corneilius and the wig-less Asian lady who were currently engaged in what could only be described as a combination of Sumo wrestling and the Foxtrot. (The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch)

Monkey Shines

We've moved back into our house after 5 days of self imposed home improvement project banishment. They said the fumes from the polyurethane were pretty noxious and would make the house unlivable. It's had more than a day to blow off and I'm finding that it kind of smells like a combination of burnt plastic and Elmer's glue with just a hint of bongwater.

Staying in the hotel was cool while it lasted, kind of like business as usual during the day, but being on vacation in the evening. We ate out for dinner every night and it was quite luxurious to have clean towels every day and someone else to make the bed, although I have a few bones to pick with the Ramada, not the least of which is the unexpected week day closure of the giant indoor water slide that had been prominently featured in all of the hotel's advertising and not a small factor in MDH's decision to stay at the establishment.

Apparently they only get business travelers during the week and apparently business travelers don't care for indoor water slides enough to warrant having a life guard on duty during pool hours. Whatever.

I was more upset about it because MDH had been looking forward to the water slide and was horribly disappointed to find it would be closed for the duration of our stay.

I, on the other hand, am never overly keen to dunk my body into the kind of pool that is geared toward child persons. I get a case of the shivering willies even thinking about all the filthy youngsters too busy flapping around having fun to make their way to the little boys and girls rooms should the need arise. And don't even get me started on those babies that I see in public pools swaddled in enormous diapers, swollen with pool water.

Besides, after my experimentation of late with hair color, I'm not sure what would happen should the chemicals on my head co-mingle with the scary brew that burns my nostrils in a public pool. Perhaps something like this...?

Anyhoo... we're home now and here are some pictures:

The Living Room Before:

The Living Room After:

Turtle's New Cat Bed - I realized that he had no soft place to curl up in the living room anymore...

The best thing that happened to me all week? Finding the most adorable slippers EVER in which to pad around on my new floors ...