Saturday night MDH and I went to see the local Pops Symphony with a guest singer doing the songs of Ella Fitzgerald. It was very romantic. Also now I have all of those beautiful old standards swirling around through my head instead of the Menard's jingle for a change. Do you know that I refuse to ever shop there because of that stupid ass jingle. I'd rather kill myself than save big money at Menard's.Anyhoo...
When we got home there was a message from my best friend Amy. I hadn't talked to her since before we went to Boston last Thursday and she sounded kinda down. The message said that she had some interesting information to share with me about her ex husband Assface, but that she may not be able to talk about it because it was her weekend with her daughter LBL, and she never spills about Assface in front of LBL (unlike Assface who says nasty shit about Amy to LBL all the time).
I called her and LBL was right there so there was no spilling, but we caught up on everything else and she'll probably call me tomorrow with the Assface report. Meanwhile I asked her if she'd had a chance to finally read my blog and was thrilled to find that she did! She read the Ass Fatties one that is really about her and her husband Ted and said she'd read a couple of others and really enjoyed them. I was thrilled.
Her opinion is really important to me, but she's way too busy most of the time to even sit down and watch a TV show, let alone read all my hot air.
Amy: You should write about the time that you set yourself on fire in McDonald's.
Me: That is uncanny! I did, a couple of posts ago.
Amy: Oh! Then you should write about the time that you tossed cat food into the air conditioner.
Me: Weird! I did! I just posted it today. Wait. What? I didn't toss it so much as I fell down. It was an accident.
Amy: Then you should write about the time that you threw the frozen turkey at Assface.
Me: Yeah, that might be funny...
Amy: or the time that you threw the frozen chicken in Kroger.
Me: What? I don't remember doing that... why would I do that?
Amy: or the time that your cigarette fell into the mailbox on James Road and you got all the mail back in a plastic bag a week later and the letter that said they were looking for the vandal that destroyed your mail.
Me: oh yeah, and then my boss went around telling everyone that I threw the cigarette into the mailbox as if I did it on purpose. It was an accident.
Amy: or the time that you dog sat for Assface and me and the dogs ate open the trash bag and your panty shields were all over the back yard when the insurance guy came over.
Me: It looked like really big confetti. I didn't think they would dig them out of the trash like that. That was an accident. Besides if the insurance guy had come to the front door like a normal person he wouldn't ever have seen them. What's wrong with people?
Amy: or the time that you were stuck behind a bus in traffic and honked your horn at it and then saw the lady in the wheelchair getting off the bus.
Me: Listen. It was taking a really long time and I had to pee.
Amy: or that one time that you...
This wasn't the exact conversation, but it's not too far removed.
She could have gone on like that all night.
She has so much good dirt on me.
I called her and LBL was right there so there was no spilling, but we caught up on everything else and she'll probably call me tomorrow with the Assface report. Meanwhile I asked her if she'd had a chance to finally read my blog and was thrilled to find that she did! She read the Ass Fatties one that is really about her and her husband Ted and said she'd read a couple of others and really enjoyed them. I was thrilled.
Her opinion is really important to me, but she's way too busy most of the time to even sit down and watch a TV show, let alone read all my hot air.
Amy: You should write about the time that you set yourself on fire in McDonald's.
Me: That is uncanny! I did, a couple of posts ago.
Amy: Oh! Then you should write about the time that you tossed cat food into the air conditioner.
Me: Weird! I did! I just posted it today. Wait. What? I didn't toss it so much as I fell down. It was an accident.
Amy: Then you should write about the time that you threw the frozen turkey at Assface.
Me: Yeah, that might be funny...
Amy: or the time that you threw the frozen chicken in Kroger.
Me: What? I don't remember doing that... why would I do that?
Amy: or the time that your cigarette fell into the mailbox on James Road and you got all the mail back in a plastic bag a week later and the letter that said they were looking for the vandal that destroyed your mail.
Me: oh yeah, and then my boss went around telling everyone that I threw the cigarette into the mailbox as if I did it on purpose. It was an accident.
Amy: or the time that you dog sat for Assface and me and the dogs ate open the trash bag and your panty shields were all over the back yard when the insurance guy came over.
Me: It looked like really big confetti. I didn't think they would dig them out of the trash like that. That was an accident. Besides if the insurance guy had come to the front door like a normal person he wouldn't ever have seen them. What's wrong with people?
Amy: or the time that you were stuck behind a bus in traffic and honked your horn at it and then saw the lady in the wheelchair getting off the bus.
Me: Listen. It was taking a really long time and I had to pee.
Amy: or that one time that you...
This wasn't the exact conversation, but it's not too far removed.
She could have gone on like that all night.
She has so much good dirt on me.
