No Means No - Don't Mess With the Lady

I knew it was bound to be an odd day when I glanced in my rear view mirror this morning on my way to work and noticed that Kid Rock was in the car behind me.

The sun was in my eyes and glaring on the windshield of the car, but it looked like Kid Rock wearing a straw cowboy hat and I figured why the fuck not?

Why wouldn't Kid Rock be behind me in traffic today? He's from Michigan, I live in Michigan, maybe he's here visiting Ted Nugent and decided to go out for bagels.

Who can guess what Kid Rock might be up to?

As for the vehicle... again, why not? Why wouldn't Kid Rock drive a late 90's beige Honda Accord? Stranger things have happened.

Did I mention that I hadn't had my coffee yet?

Either way, Kid Rock or not, I kept staring back there because even if this person was not Kid Rock they were on their phone and weaving all over the road and talking really fast and with their mouth open really wide as if they were yelling, like an auctioneer at a lawn mower race. It was weird looking.

Of course the longer I stared the more irritated I was getting at this dimwit behind me talking so animatedly on their cell phone, oblivious to the fact that they are veering all over the place and endangering everyone. Bastard.

When we came to a section of road that curves slightly and is bordered by a patch of trees the glare was lifted long enough for me to see that of course it wasn't Kid Rock but a woman with the worst hair do I have seen in public in a long time. It was big and blond and in bad need of a hot oil treatment.

If strangers in traffic mistake your hair for a straw cowboy hat and think you look like Kid Rock it is time to find a new stylist.

Like I was saying, it was a weird day because of the whole Kid Rock thing - it's not really something I can confide in my coworkers about so I must rely upon you guys here reading my blog to understand the situation.

Then later this afternoon I went to my first solo project meeting and had a slight altercation. It's a new project and a new team and my boss chose me to represent our department so I was honored.

I walked into the room, introduced myself to everyone, explained who I was and what my role was on the team. It was good. I was charming. I was confident. I knew my shit.

When it was my turn to talk about my department's role in the project I explained how things were done and what steps needed to be completed by the other departments before I could begin my piece and this guy says, "Can't you bypass all that stuff?"

to which I replied, "Um... No."

My tone implied that I have no idea why he would even think such a thing, because I had no idea why he would think such a thing. We have rules, a format and a process that in my short time with the company has been drilled into my head. There are no shortcuts.

Then he said, "Yes. You can." All sly, like he had a secret or like if he were persistent enough he would bend my will.

So I said, "I really don't understand why you would think that because I've never heard of it. When the meeting here is over I will check with Hey Mr. DJ and let you know what he says, but I'm going to say it's a big NO until then and you should plan your piece without a shortcut."

He didn't say anything else, but he wrote some stuff down on his notepad and continued with his little sly smile. What an ass.

Turns out I was right (obviously) and the guy is a big giant ass and tries that trick with everyone. Unfortunately someone in my department has done this little shortcut for him before and even though several memos have gone out and it has been explained to everyone that we don't do that shortcut anymore, he still goes for it.

Anyhoo... it was weird and I'm probably just lucky that this was the first time that someone at work has treated me like less than a superstar.

I'd like to finish up this post by giving a little shout out to whoever manages the deli and prepared foods department at Overpricy's, the supermarket in the glitzy neighborhood near my house. You rock whoever you are!

This person had the brilliant idea to add pork loins to the racks of the chicken rotisserie, seasoned the same as the chickens. It cost the same as if I'd bought an uncooked pork loin, not cheap but damn tasty.

Rotisserie Pig = Good.

I could kiss this person full on the mouth. Maybe not.