Dear Sparsely Kate,
In response to your comment on last night's blog post, "when you can remember, please explain why you and the copier are no longer friends", I have decided to oblige you with a full length blog post answer.
You see I share a copier/printer with about 60 other people split among 4 departments on my floor. Of course there are other printers to use, but this particular printer is not only the one closest to my cubicle it is also the only color printer worth a damn, probably in the the whole building, or at least my section of it. It also happens to be the one the IT department designated as my default printer.
Unfortunately one of the departments that I share this printer with is the Art Department. Invariably everything the Art Department needs to print is on extra thick, extra long paper and requires a great deal of time to process. Invariably everything the Art Department needs to print clogs up the normal functioning of the printer, causes horrific, suicide inducing paper jams and rude error messages that I tend to take personally.
My problems getting along with the printer usually stem from this scenerio:
Some devil spawn Art Department person has chosen to print an exact HD replica of the Sistine Chapel on 72 x 36 card stock and caused the printer to not only jam up tighter than Tom Jones jumpsuit, so that smoke is coming out of the exit tray, but also caused red lights to blink all over the thing like a fucking ambulance. Somehow this person is magically unavailable to come and clean up the mess they have made of the printer.
This always seems to happen when I have "hot" items that need attention within the next hour and I have just sent about 30 pages of meticulously chosen text to the printer, and causes me to have this conversation with the printer/copier:
Printer/copier: Remove jam area 7, 5, 10, 19, 36 and 79
Me: What is that? Your lottery numbers?
Printer/copier: Everyone's a comedian. Now, as I was saying, Remove jam area 7, 5, 10, 19, 36 and 79.
I spend the next 20 minutes opening every conceivable crevice of the printer and removing paper jams from all listed areas.
I am now sweating, but fully satisfied that I have successfully removed all traces of card stock. I slam everything shut.
Me: How ya like me now?
Printer/copier - Nice try. Remove jam area 7, 10, 36, 62.
Me: What? 62? That wasn't on the original list how can I have created a paper jam by removing paper jams you bitch?
I spend the next 20 minutes looking for paper jams, trying to figure out where this so called "area 62" is and removing burnt and crinkled card stock. I'm somewhat satisfied and slam the printer shut, yada, yada, yada.
Me: Take that.
Printer/copier: Remove paper jam area π
Me: I don't have to take this. I'm going to the big Minolta in R & D.
I understand that the printer isn't bad and I suppose my beef is really with the Art Department asshole printer hogs who could probably due with having their own color printer designed specifically to be used for giant HD exact renderings of the Sistine Chapel on enormous flats of card stock. Oh, wait - THEY HAVE ONE OF THOSE ALREADY.
Anyhoo... that's my story.
Kindest Regards & Best Wishes,