Monday, September 24, 2007

Bitter & Paranoid Much Lady?

I hate looking for a new job even more than I hate being unemployed. It's getting to the point where I've become paranoid that all the HR departments in this town have ganged together and had a meeting about me.

HR Tool #1 - Get this Lunch Lady joker. Who the hell does she think she is?

HR Tool #2 - Yeah I know with all those fancy confident sounding words in her cover letters. She seems a right prissy, self-important bitch.

HR Tool #3 - I think we should put out an APB to all the other Tools in our bilious HR network to file her desperate emails as SPAM.

HR Tool #2 - That's a great idea, but I think we should also punish her by letting her find out, through various sources, that people much less qualified than her are getting hired for jobs she wants all over town.

HR Tool #1 - Ah, ha, ha, haha hee! What fun I am having at her sorry expense. You know I suspect, in addition to being prissy and self important, that she is also quite stoopid.

HR Tool #3 - Ooh! Shoot. Meeting adjourned. I've got to get busy planning the mandatory attendance Mid-Winter/Fall Season Gathering of Employees for a Rubber Chicken Dinner, Sparkling Cider Toasts and Bogus Prize Giving To Brown-Nosing Toadies.

HR Tool #1 - You mean the Holiday Party?

HR Tool #3 - No, no we'll have the real Holiday Party after all that employee bullshit. Hey you guys wanna get together for lunch?

HR Tool #1 - Sure but let's make it a long lunch. I've got an interviewee coming in on his own lunch hour later. I'm planning to leave him sweating at reception for a very long time so that he'll be late getting back to his current job. I've also gotta spy on him for awhile and see how much he fidgets and checks his breath. That's always such a hoot!

HR Tool #2 - Sorry can't. I'm busy covering up executive ass-grabbing in a sexual harassment case. Gotta write-up the ass in question for poor performance. You know the drill.

End Scene
If you have read this post and work in the field of Human Resources I hope that you have enjoyed this hilarious spoof of some ridiculous Hired Ranchers having a crazy nonsense conversation. Please click here for a copy of my resume. Whoo hoo! What fun, eh?

If you have read this post and work in the field of Hired Ranching well I just don't know what to say really. How embarrassing. I'm sorry if I have offended you and your profession.


Churlita said...

High Larry Us.

I feel like that about dating. I think there's a pretty strong analogy between job hunting and dating...Besides the obvious prostituting thing.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

a lot of it seems to happen online lately