Saturday, January 17, 2009

Important Life Lessons

When I as in the 4th grade my teacher, Mrs. Hawkins, told me something that I never forgot. She told me something that has influenced my life and many decisions I have made throughout the years.

While helping me prepare for an oral report about Francis Scott Key, she suggested that I sing the Star Spangled Banner in front of the class. The idea of making such a spectacle of myself in front of my entire class frightened me out of my little mind, so I said simply, "I can't". She frowned and barked, "Can't?! Can't is for the weak minded. Can't never did anything". Powerful stuff. Thank you Mrs. Hawkins.

Mrs. Hawkins was right, you should never say that you can't do something.

To this day I think of Mrs. Hawkins, those words, and the valuable lesson she taught me whenever I am confronted with difficult situations or am asked to perform difficult tasks. I never say that I can't do something.

Instead I say - "No way you crazy bitch", "I don't want to", "No thank you", or "I am far too busy".




19 comments:

CDP said...

"You're f-ing kidding me, right?" is another excellent alternative to "can't".

Renaissance Woman said...

OMG...that is so funny! I love her advice and agree that "can't" isn't the best word. I like your alternative questions better.

SkylersDad said...

I never use "can't". I always use "would you mind taking your piddly assed problem down the hall?"

Tara said...

Those are great responses along with "No, do it yourself you lazy bastards!"

silverneurotic said...

Hehe, that's great! Good advice.

sparsely kate said...

Hahah.

I had a teacher who told the whole class that there was no such word as 'can't' and all of us were looking around scratching our heads going but we've been saying that word for years - how could it NOT be a word?! It's a word miss, it's a word! It's in the dictionary!

Damn teachers.

Pyzahn said...

Geez, now I'm feeling bad. I'm guilty of asking (not telling) my niece (6 years old) to refrain from saying can't. C'mon, a 6 yr old whining "I cannnnnn't" is annoying. I will reform, but she's not allowed to tell me to F--- off until she's 18.

My first time to your blog (I'm kinda new at this)...but I love it. Maintain thy sassiness.

Visit me sometime.
prattlefromtheflatlands.blogspot.com

Chris said...

"It's not that I can't. I could if I wanted. But I don't."

WendyB said...

I like to use "I would, but something suddenly came up."

Vegetable Assassin said...

Hilarious :)

I like the simple, "FUCK NO!" accompanied by a tight sneer.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

The power of a teacher's wisdom. I'm sure she'd be so proud of the alternatives you chose.

Gwen said...

Ha! So did you sing in front of the class?

Michelle said...

I'm writing down all the alternatives...it's good to have several different replies to requests you "can't" do. I think "No way you crazy bitch" and "You're f-ing kidding me, right?" are tops.

Linka72 said...

Strange...my mom taught me the "No way you crazy bitch" line..and used it as Gospel around our house..oh, good times.

Dale said...

Sounds like she put the 'u' in can't but you really stepped up your game. Hilarious.

Leonesse said...

That was the funniest thing ever!

cybill said...

I think she was the can't!

Johnny Yen said...

Sometimes the important lessons we learn in school are not academic.

Another variant: "Are you out of you f*cking mind?"

Coaster Punchman said...

You took the words right out of my mouth. I was just getting disappointed that this was going to be one of those heartwarming, uplifting life-lessons posts that I would never expect from you. And then you got real just in time. Bravo.