Tuesday, February 3, 2009

That's It I'm Outta Here

Michigan winter can suck my dick. That's right. Suck. My. Dick. I'm so fed up with snow, ice, sub zero temperatures and skin so dry that I'm starting to look like someone carved me out of an apple, that I have resorted to speaking like a 13 year old boy in juvenile detention.

The Hawaiian vacation that MDH and I have been planning for well over a year has finally arrived. We are ditching the road salt and snow shovels for a couple of weeks and trading them in for warm black sand and snorkel gear. Fuck yes.

I'm so excited that I don't even care that I'm still carrying around the 50 lbs I vowed to lose last January when we booked our flights. Fuck it. So yes, in addition to having a shriveled dried apple doll complexion, I'm fat, but I'll be shriveled and fat in Hawaii. Anyway, the humid tropical air will smooth out my craggy skin in no time, and all the hotel sex and fresh fruit I can tolerate (quite a lot) will have me trimmed down before you know it.

I don't even care that it's the "rainy season" and when anyone mentions that it probably won't get any warmer than 75 I laugh right in their face (ha ha!), which frankly hasn't done much to win me any friends, but who cares? Rain? Bah! At least it wont' be snowing every freaking day and when I walk around outside I won't have to worry about whether or not my eyeballs will freeze solid and crack into a million pieces.

To be fair to all the people I know and love that live here in the Tundra, I promise to bring back as much sunshine and warmth as is humanly possible. I also promise that when I come back I won't bitch about winter any more. Until next year.

In my absence please enjoy some of the photos we took on our previous trips to Hawaii.

25 comments:

WendyB said...

Have an awesome time, apple lady!

SkylersDad said...

Enjoy your trip, don't worry about the rest of us shivering back here in the contiguous 48...

Go ahead, save yourself...

Signed:
Not very fucking bitter at all

pistols at dawn said...

That place looks like purest pain.

Or so I'll tell myself to keep the jealousy at tolerable levels.

Enjoy!

Pyzahn said...

Aloha...toast to me back here in the frigid flatlands with a fancy pineapple drink.

Leonesse said...

Suck. It. Yes! SUCK IT>

i am playing outside said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
i am playing outside said...

this is making my comment backwards when i type it. wtf. under control though.found a way arou nd it. have a great trip!

sparsely kate said...

You are going to have such a fabulous time and I can't wait to see more photos. Can you please find me a husband over there? :)

Some Guy said...

Just checked the thermometer this morning and it's -10. It's been a while since we've had this much sustained sub-twenty degree weather. It's getting rather old and this comes from a guy who actually likes winter.

Enjoy yourselves!

boredmando said...

Those apple people are scary!

Have a great time in Hawaii

CDP said...

Have fun! I can't stand winter in Maryland, so I can't even imagine winter in Michigan.

Michelle said...

Have a great time! I'm sick of living in the tundra also! I love winter but enough is enough!

Suze said...

Have a great time pumpkin :)

Churlita said...

Good for you. I'll just sit here with my horrible cold, in Iowa and be jealous. Wah.

another good thing said...

wow. great pix. I knew I should have gone to HI when I lived in CA, now it is a haul from GA. But I do have a friend on Kauai who wouldn't mind some company.
have a great time and good luck with all that... fruit eating.

Linka72 said...

For the record..I hate you..it's not your fault that after almost two years of marriage, me and my husband have not been on a honeymoon OR any anniversary trips..we suck, but I have to blame somebody. Hotel sex is fun and kinda dirty..ha.
Have fun, dammit.

BeckEye said...

Hawaii???? YOU can suck MY dick, you lucky wench!

Enjoy the hotel sex...just check the walls for holes and blinking red lights.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

I love Hawaii! It is truly paradise! I hope your trip is devine!!! I am jealous in the nicest way!

Gwen said...

I didn't get here fast enough to say goodbye. Waaaah.

Have a great time!

Renaissance Woman said...

Have fun...can't wait to hear all about it.

dmarks said...

"...I'm still carrying around the 50 lbs I vowed to lose .... I'll be shriveled and fat in Hawaii"

So that is what they mean when they refer to "Hawaii 5-0".

"Enjoy the hotel sex...just check the walls for holes and blinking red lights."

Beckeye, especially the type of hotel sex which results in more holes in the walls when when you started.

mindy said...

Is it April yet? That's when I'M going to Hawaii. Can't EFFING wait!

Hope you have/had fun!!

Coaster Punchman said...

Hope you had a great time! Of course I live in a good climate now so the rest of the country can suck. my. dick. too!

Tara said...

I LOVE your vacation photos! Ack, I so want to be sitting on a beach in the warm sunshine right now.

movin' down the road said...

I love Hawaii. Hope you had a good time. although I have been to Maui alot, Lanai was my fave.