Monday, March 31, 2008

My Secret Shame

I noticed that this morning as I arrived at the office that my freakish personality disorder was extremely pronounced and difficult to hide from my coworkers. It was raining and dreary and amidst the grumbling, grunts and general surly nature of the office on a rainy Monday morning - I am (dun, dun dun) - perky.

Now you know.

Can I help it if I am a (gasp!) morning person who is all hopped up on the joy of finally having an opportunity to be able to wear my new green rain coat out in public?? Not to mention the fact that I've been up since 5:30 or 6 and have already had about 4 or 5 cups of coffee.

Normally I'm able to keep this annoying trait to myself so that no one will know and when they ask me "How are you?" I respond in the appropriate morose tone with answers like:

"Jeezus Christ - don't even ask"
"Fair to middlin'" or
"Piss off postie"

when what I really want to say is
"I am Fan Fucking Tastic!" all excited like.

I'm a total freak and don't I know it. I do the world a huge favor every single morning by not speaking to anyone, singing or doing soft shoe numbers until around 9:30 or so.

You are welcome.

I realize that some of you may find the photo at the top misleading, as this post has nothing whatsoever to do with meat. The photo merely represents a woman who appears to be beside herself with glee about a chuck roast, which is kinda like I was this morning over a damn rain coat.

I should also like to let you know that I more than make up for my morning perkiness by being a complete bitch package all the rest of the day.

19 comments:

evil-e said...

I wake at four usually and I am morning guy. I just do the "guy nod" and say "hey" to everybody. I do not smile much, I have my game face on, and I just get it going on Monday mornings. I do not want to offend the world by letting them know I am happy and awake.

Family Adventure said...

Gawd, I wish you'd been here this morning to handle my boys, instead of their bitchy mom.

Heidi

Tara said...

I am not much of a morning person, but I have been known to become one in response to a few morning people I work with.

And are you copying off of me? I have a green raincoat too, and I am so grateful that I can wear that instead of my winter coat.

CDP said...

I'm not a morning person per se, but I'm not a morning hater, either, so if we ever become coworkers, feel free to be as chipper as you want in the AM. I'll tune you out, but won't be otherwise disturbed.

Michelle said...

Nothing makes me grumpier than grumpy morning people! Please...carry on with morning perkiness!

Churlita said...

I am so not a morning person. I usually perk right up around 10 or 11 at night. It was great when I was younger and worked in bars. Now that I work in an office? Not so much.

SkylersDad said...

I am also a morning person - there, I said it! I get up quite early and go to bed early. Shit, I am one step away from the early bird special at Furrs...

Chris said...

For about a zillion years I thought I was a night person. I played bass in a bunch of blues and rock bands, so I was always out in clubs until the wee hours, then I'd grab three or four hours of sleep and get up to make it to my day job on time... But then about two years ago or so I hung my bass up and quit the music biz in favor of a normal family life (sort of).

Turns out I wasn't a night person after all. I'm a miserable insomniac... Now I fall asleep sitting on the couch with my dinner plate in my lap at 8 or 9 p.m., only to wake up at 1 or 2 in the morning. (So I guess you COULD say I'm a morning person!) I'll do freelance work until four or five a.m., then lie down for a few minutes to take a nap. If I don't fall asleep in five or ten minutes I'll get back up and work until it's time for me to head to my day job...

r cubed said...

..."complete bitch package all the rest of the day"
ha ha. Me too. I love mornings but tend to morph into Pissy Mae Snarkleton as the day wears on.

Suze's Sass said...

Well as long as you're bitchy sometime during the day that's okay. You had me worried there for a moment.

sparsely kate said...

Ah, I love a good rain coat, and in green no less!

hahahh, this post was very amusing to me. I can just imagine you swooning in with a big grin.

SJ said...

Oh. You're one of those. My husband is one of those.

I'm happy to hear that you keep it under your hat, and I thank you for that. Unlike Mr. Up-and-At-Em, who feels the need to barrage me with 10 e-mails by the time I get up. It's a wonder he's survived all these years.

Not that there's anything wrong with being an early bird. I hear you get all the worms. Lucky you. I'm quite envious. Really.

pistols at dawn said...

I am not a morning, afternoon, or night person, making me wonder if I'm a person at all.

The Guv'ner said...

I would very much like your morning perk. I have none. I just grunt till around 11 and point at things and occasionally do something obnoxious. Damn you, lady!

i am playing outside said...

ugh. morning people. freaks. *this post comes to you at 2:11am. i may get in bed to watch some TV soon*

rak said...

I'm with you, girl! Love me some mornin' time :) I can get so much done in the morning hours, not to mention the birds chirp and the sun rises... blah, blah, blah... love it all!

Renaissance Woman said...

I love the phrase "bitch package" and brought such a smile to my face! So funny...and I love the idea that a rain coat could bring such joy to an early morning! Embrace the moment...and I would even support a little soft-shoe number.

Pronto said...

Despite all of that......

that's a great looking piece of meat!

Leonesse said...

I was always a night owl. Up past the babysitters every time. Now I am old and can't sleep once the sun wakes me up. Shoot the damn thing, will ya?