Thursday, March 20, 2008

The Assface Chronicles - A Clarification

I would just like to clarify my statement in example #1 below about why Assface is a big clot because Amy isn't around to prevent him from doing nutty things anymore.

I would like to say that wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase are both fine things to be doing if you are gainfully employed and on your way to or from work.

It is also fine to do if you are unemployed and on your way to or from a job interview.

But if you are wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase and you are, like Assface, both unemployed and doing something non job interview related ie, proctoring a piano competetion in which other parents, even the employed ones, are wearing t-shirts and jeans, then you are a giant douchebag.

Assface has been to these competetions before and as far as I know his vision is fine and he was able to look around and see that it's a pretty casual affair and that you might come off like a big douche if you wore a suit, let alone carried a brief case.

What would an unemployed douchebag like Assface be carrying around in that briefcase anyhow?

I like to think he must be carrying around his and Amy's divorce papers in there. And maybe some Little Debbie Swiss Rolls.


Gwen said...

And Screen So Soft.

Tara said...

He sounds like Kramer from "Seinfeld" who just joined a company without actually getting the job. He was carrying around a briefcase that had Ritz crackers inside. That's all he did was sit at his desk and ate crackers.

CDP said...

That illustration is much easier on the eyes than the one of Assface.

another good thing said...

HAH! maybe it's the makings of a bomb.. and someone should make an anonymous call....

Churlita said...

I wish I had a briefcase full of Little Debbie snack cakes. I'd carry it everywhere I went.

SkylersDad said...

Maybe he is really in a Blues band and it's a Harmonica.

Michelle said...

He's really very scary.

evil-e said...

I work at a large, very buttoned up multi-national company now. I do not carry a briefcase..I have no briefs.

I actually use my ratty old backpack that I have had for twenty plus years. Nobody has even raised an eyebrow. I just tore the Misfits and Black Flag patches off of it as to not stick out.

I enjoy excessive use of the words douche and bag. Thank you

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Gwen - I'm sure he has that in there too.

Tara - I loved that episode and it was my inspiration for making fun of Assface in this new way.

CDP - the whole point of the Assface graphic is to disturb, but I agree I'd much rather look at chemical filled snacks.

AGT - Hey Girl! I would love nothing more than for this man to away for awhile.

Churlita - I keep Kashi bars in my purse, but it's not quite the same.

Skydad - I wish that were the truth, but alas, he's really into making believe he is more important than everyone else.

Michelle - you don't know the half of it honey.

Evil - You are so welcome! I too enjoy the words douche and bag very much separately, but when you put them together and use them a lot in the same paragraph it's magic.

The Guv'ner said...

I love those freaking Swiss cakes. Little Debbie is my bitch. I only ever want them at certain times of the month however. It's like I suddenly wake up crampy and go "BRING ME LITTLE DEBBIE NOW!"

Slice of Paradise said...

He's living the Sex and the City episode & he's going to pull a strange piece of fruit out of there.

I vote Pineapple!