Wednesday, February 25, 2009

How to upset pefectly innocent and well meaning coworkers

I'm a terribly independent person and typically like to try to take care of things or figure stuff out on my own. Sometimes though I need a little help and it is difficult for me to ask for it.

Combine that with the fact that I'm also very literal and prone to dispense corny humor, responding to my question, can you help me?, with what can I do ya for?, it is all I can do to remain professional and not pretend to whip out an adding machine and start mumbling, let's see here... I'll give you the employee discount, but you are remarkably unattractive and that's gonna cost ya...carry the nine...factor in the rash... halitosis upcharge... that'll be... and then come up with a price that you can do me for and hilarity will ensue.

More likely I think I'd get a blank stare, talked about in the break room behind my back and loss of all hope of ever attaining permanent employment with this company. So yeah, I'm basically restraining myself from pretending to be some mutant type of nerdy hooker.

(I'd never really thought much about it before writing this post but should the word "hooker" be capitalized? It's a job title, right?)

10 comments:

movin' down the road said...

hooker. ha ha. J and I saw a hooker on the island at 2am one night after his gig. I called her a street walker. He laughed and goes "you called her a street walker, that's a damn HOOKER!" sorry, I went off.

SkylersDad said...

My co-workers know me pretty good now, but every now and then I still cross the line with them in regards to my, shall we call it "tweaked" sense of humor.

Dr Zibbs said...

I'm still laughing at that picture! HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Dale said...

It took me forever to stop saying 'fuck you're ugly!' to random employees walking past. Now, because I've learned, I substitute with 'wow you're ugly'.

mindy said...

Oh. my. god.: "I'll give you the employee discount, but you are remarkably unattractive and that's gonna cost ya...carry the nine...factor in the rash... halitosis upcharge... that'll be..."

FAN-tastic. I'm totally stealing that. Is that ok?

i am playing outside said...

Hookers deserve respect too. *bursts into a song of some sort*

CDP said...

That was hilarious. I really HATE "what can I do ya for?" and now will want desperately to respond this way the next time I hear it.

Churlita said...

I get away with a lot, because people I work with all assume I'm kidding. I can say whatever want and be completely serious and they all laugh. It's awesome.

BeckEye said...

It must be law that every office must be comprised of at least 88% humorless people.

Suze said...

I too sometimes have to bite my tongue to keep quiet at work. Sometimes when I say something that I think is really witty, I can actually hear birds chirp during the long silence. Damn un-funny co-workers.