Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Floats Like a Butterfly, Stings When I Pee

I was going to use that title several months ago for a riveting post I wrote while recovering from a raging bladder infection. Aren't you glad I never published that post? (The answer is yes. Yes you are.) I deleted the unpublished post because it was crappy and not just a little bit personal and disgusting, but thinking perhaps I might later be able to craft another more amusing post around the catchy title.

I'm not that clever and have decided to use the title today for this very special post in which I inform you that I have returned from a fabulous vacation, after realizing I have been sitting here for a very long time, staring at my monitor, unable to come up with any more clever title than "I'm Back!" How dull. Stinging pee is far more engaging.

So there you go. I'm back. We had a fabulous 12 days in Kauai during which time I only had 2 or 3 small snits and one full blown irrational tantrum. Otherwise all was grand. What kind of dumbass vacation condo time-share thingy doesn't allow you to use an open flame barbecue?

Anyhoo... some serious and relevant things occurred while we were away:

1. MDH's grandma Nanny died last Friday. She was 101 and ready to leave us, so there's nothing to be sad about other than that we will all miss her very much. MDH felt a little funny about not going home to Cambridge, but realized that Nanny would have hit him with her shoe if he shortened his vacation. She did that. She would literally remove the shoe from her tiny (wicked small) Azorean foot and beat misbehaving grandsons with it. Oh Nanny.

As an interesting side note, my brother in law Knucklehead was allowed to attend the funeral in shackles, accompanied by a prison guard. I wish I was joking. Perhaps if Nanny had beaten him with her shoe more aggressively...

2. MDH has a job interview tomorrow in Cincinnati. So that's kind of difficult. Come home jet lagged after travelling for 16 hours only to leave again 36 hours later. Also should mention that he had been in Dallas for several days before we left, came home at 2pm and we left for Kauai at 5am the next morning. So basically the poor man has been home a little more than 1 day for the whole month of February. Weird.

Anyhoo... because of weird event number two I've got to close up shop on my blogging tonight. MDH needs the office to get ready for his big interview tomorrow. I have been trying to write this while he's away running errands.

Because I haven't had a chance to do anything with our vacation pictures except for the one at the top of the post, which is a view of the taro fields in Hanalei (and I'm quite pleased with myself about how it came out), and the one below sent in an email to my best friend Amy last week and like the title of this post has nothing whatsoever to do with the subject of this post. Perhaps some of you have seen it already or maybe Skyler's Dad has already included it as part of his bizarre tats series. Anyway... here you go:







18 comments:

pistols at dawn said...

All's well that ends in feline anus.

WendyB said...

Thanks for showing us some pussy.

SkylersDad said...

Welcome home, glad you had a good time. I had not seen that particular tat, hanks so much for the shout-out!

Frenchie said...

Although I certainly could've lived without seeing that hideous tattoo, I'm thrilled that you're back and blogging again! I was having withdrawal. How'd the interview go? Moving back south anytime soon?

Suze said...

I'm glad you had a great trip. That picture is the most disturbing thing I've seen in a while. Thank you :)

i am playing outside said...

the worst part of that picture has got to be the horrible misshapen belly button.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Nothing says "forever" like a cat's rectal region.

I'm still sulking that you were in tropical, gorgeous climes and I wasn't. I take these things personally you know. Sniff. I'm in the stinking -20 degrees cold. It's so unfair.

CDP said...

I wish I hadn't seen that. (title is hilarious, btw)

Renaissance Woman said...

LOL...the kitty picture is so funny and disturbing all at the same time. I'm so glad you had such a wonderful vacation. Living through your experiene.

Michelle said...

Welcome back! Awesome picture of THE TARO FIELDS. The cat tat is pretty funny, except for that it's a real tat on someone's disturbing looking stomach. WTF? Loved the title of the post.

Gwen said...

Welcome home! Does MDH's interview in Cincy mean you'd move there? Because I think that is closer to me than where you are now. I'm just sayin'.

Second, I just saw a No Reservations where Bourdain went to the Azores. It made me want to retire there. What a beautiful and amazing place!

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Pistols - but it's so much more...

WendyB - the lady abides.

Skydad - How could I not give you a shout out for that? It's so you.

Frenchie - don't get too excited - I'm back, but I remain lame about the blogging. But if MDH gets the job - yes - we will be moving back home.

Suze - I'm here to help.

Player - you took the words right outta my navel.

Veg - so sulking now - there's no reason you can't go to Hawaii too. It's just credit card debt.

CDP - sorry, but you know I had to.

Renwoman - I'm not 100% convinced the tat is real, but it's still funny anyway.

Michelle - your capitalized excitement about the photo of the taro fields lead me to think that mayhap you have seen them in person. They are breath taking aren't they?

Gwennie - yes if MDH gets the job it means that we would move, but most likely back to Columbus and he would commute to Cinci. I can't even think about it - too exciting. I don't see any reason why we couldn't get together in Chicago sometime. You're close enough to Chicago, right?

Dale said...

A post about stinging pee being crappy? I can't imagine it!

Sorry about Nanny but glad the vacation was practically snit free.

That tattoo is tootoo much.

sid said...

That picture was disturbing ... I'm soo emailing it to all my friends

Churlita said...

I bet that tattoo looks really amazing when the guy is in his 60's.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Oh my, now that's creative...forever!!!

BeckEye said...

Welcome back. Or I guess I should say Aloha.

movin' down the road said...

Oh yeah, I saw SkylersDad's tat post. The skunk was almost as bad as that cat.