It's Crazy

I'm thrilled to bits to have been listed as one of Coaster Punchman's Crazy 8's, but disgraced and ashamed that I am only just now getting around to acknowledging being bestowed with this high honor.

In my defense I have been so busy at work the past 2 weeks that my eyes have barely been able to even graze the pages of my Google Reader.

What have I been up to, you might ask?

Remember last week when I told you that my contract was going to end forever in August? Well, I've been busily campaigning to get that new job (things are going really great so far although I have not yet been asked to interview) and at the same time I've been training my replacement - Norman Newguy.

Norm has practically been attached to my hip for a fortnight, which has been terribly uncomfortable as we are both married and he is freakishly tall.

I would like nothing better than to read your blogs, but Norm is always right there by my side. Even when I have safely tucked him in all snug and cozy in his own cubicle I still have no privacy because he is so monstrously tall that he can see right over the cube wall and I feel like he's always looking over my shoulder. It's maddening.

Anyhoo... Coaster Punchman named little ole me as one of his Crazy 8's and I should probably explain just what in the hell that means - so I'm going to paste the explanation:

“These bloggers are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

Nice eh?

Like I said, I'm honored.

Now comes the hard part - I have to choose only 8 bloggers to spread the Crazy 8 blog love. Difficult. I love you all so very much. If I've named you below won't you please accept a copy the pretty little graphic at the top of this post and name your own Crazy 8?

Here are my Crazy 8's:

Gwen - I love her. We are foul mouthed kindred spirits. If we lived closer to each other it could get scary.

CDP - One of the few bloggers out there that knows my secret real identity. She's a phenomenal writer - funny, honest, touching.

Tara - She is prolific, I can barely keep up, but she is so lovely and charming, I keep trying.

The Vegetable Assassin - I'm a new reader to her blog, but already a big fan. Not only does her handle have the word "ass" in it twice, but she is also hilarious and so relatable.

Chris Radloff - He writes what is on his mind and it is often insightful and lovely and causes me to walk away from the computer for a minute, find my husband and give him a big hug.

Sparsely Kate - A single mom on the other side of the planet from me who opens up and bravely shares her innermost, darkest thoughts and funniest insights. I'm always rooting for her.

Some Guy - It was his blog and his blogroll that started it all for me. I added his blog to my blog roll and mistakenly called it a "tag". So naive.

Pistols at Dawn - He makes me laugh out loud with nearly every post. That being said, I also want to hug him and shake him violently at the same time, but it would probably either cause him to get an erection or puke (or both) so I'll just shut up and keep laughing.

Update 10:23pm 3/22/09 -

After I hit the publish button yesterday morning I was unable to log back in long enough (due to spotty Internet service for which I blame the fucking college basketball tournament that everyone seems to be streaming online) to read any blogs or let any of the nice people in the list above know that they have been tagged. I was also unable to run a spell check and remove the word "erection".

Not having Internet service is a terrible pain in the ass, so to get my mind off of it I started doing laundry and making Kale and Chourico soup and forgot all about it until this very moment. I have since performed a spell check and decided to leave the word "erection" because it's 10:30 and I am too tired to worry about it anymore.

If You Need Immediate Assistance You Can Go Piss Up a Rope

I've been working at a job I truly enjoy, with a great bunch of lovely people that I truly like, since the middle of February. I'm a temp and, unbelievably fabulous and amazing though I am, have been given no promise of permanent employment. Not even a smidge. Oh sure, they all tell me how great I am and have thanked me with kind words and a few small bonuses here and there, but my ID badge is dated Jan 15, 2009. My expiration date.

It's sad really, but on the other hand, being a temp gives me great freedom to say fuck it, when certain situations arise.

Be that as it may, I have done the best work possible for these people. I never say no when someone gives me an assignment or complain no matter how crappy that assignment may be. I smile, and say "Sure!", although I might ask how soon it's needed so that I can better prioritize all the other 10 kazillion things they have me doing. I have to prioritize because I have to somehow fit it all into an 8 hour day. I'm an hourly employee and not approved for any overtime.

I make it happen because I am good and I am trustworthy. I am Supertemp. You can rely on me.

Lately, because summer is drawing to it's close and the people I work with are gainfully employed and have all worked there longer than dirt (this month Hey Mr. DJ celebrates his 38th year with the company with no sign of eminent retirement) and subsequently have more vacation time, sick time, and personal days racked up than I ever dreamed would be possible in a lifetime, let alone in one year, they are often out of the office - and have all apparently decided that I am a terrific out of office back up.

I'm a temp. I don't get vacation days. I am always there. Every ding dong day. Reliable, that's me.

It's fine when it's one person. But when it is 3 or 4 people and on one occasion recently FIVE people - it's just simply not OK.

I should mention that I barely have time to perform my own job and fulfill my own responsibilities and tasks within a what always seems to be a very short 8 hour day.

Frankly, it's getting old.

So here is a message to all of the people who have slammed me, and will probably continue to slam me during my coworkers absences, with arm flapping emails marked "Urgent!", with all caps in the subject line and little flaming envelope icons:

I'm only vaguely aware of some of the projects that my lovely teammates are currently working on.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy to help you when time permits and when my associates have given me the tools and background information that I need to help you. But they didn't. They only fill me in on the truly important stuff and since I have no fucking idea what the bloody hell you are talking about, I can only assume that you are:

a.) a giant liar head
b.) mistaken
c.) in a deep bucket of shit because you waited until the last minute to do this "Urgent!" thing and forgot that my co-worker was going to be out of the office
d.) all of the above

Don't get me wrong, I am indeed a whiz, and I really (sort-of) would like to help you out, but you are misguided if you think that I am so intimately up my collective coworkers asses as to be able to read their minds from afar. And no, I'm not going to try to reach them at home.

As I mentioned before I don't even know what the fuck you are drivelling about, so don't ask me to make snap decisions on their behalves, try to gain access to their files, or have all the relevant numbers for your project memorized.

You are shit out of luck.

They are not here.

It will have to wait until they come back.

Re-fucking-lax.

Oh, and while I'm at it - It is not OK to cram an entire message into the subject line of your email. It's an email, not a text message. Even if you somehow manage to squeeze "pls" and "thx" in there, it's rude. Stop it.

F-U

I'm not very good with whaddya call 'ems? Oh, yes (had to go running to MDH for the word) acronyms and abbreviations which is kind of a dangerous thing for someone working in IT.

See?

Right there, I - T

What the hell does that stand for anyway? Idiot Typing. Idle Tapeworm. Internet Tranny. Introverted Timebomb.

Just kidding! I know that it stands for Information Technology, but to be perfectly honest, sometimes I forget.

Anyhoo... My new job is riddled with so many acronyms and abbreviations I can hardly keep track of them all.

Regardless, somehow I'm doing really well and the person who has been training me says that I've caught on more quickly than anyone else in the department, and as a result they have given me even more responsibilities.

I think they either haven't noticed or don't care that I don't know what the hell anything is called. I'm trying so very hard to learn the lingo, and although the powers that be at my new place of work seem to be impressed with my amazing skills and abilities a typical conversation overheard at my cubicle might sound like this:

Me: I found a discrepancy between the O-F-Whoosie Whatsis thingy and the M-F ing B-L-T

My coworker: The Manufacturing Lead Time?

Me: Yeah, that.

My coworker: How'd you get BLT out of that?

Me: I'm hungry M-F'er.

ByTheWay - Please enjoy the artful cartoon above, courtesy of my friend Playtah.