Thursday, October 1, 2009

I Didn't Know I Was Too Stupid to Live

Knowing that I haven't worked for nearly a month now and am recovering from what was either the flu or a bad cold you would be right to assume that I've gotten very intimate with our television lately. Intimate enough to know that there is never anything on during the day so I try to avoid the TV altogether before I am reduced to just spinning around the channel guide like a hamster on a wheel until my thumb cramps up and I get disgusted and leave the room to find more productive ways to waste my time elsewhere.

All that channel spinning is how I came across a show called "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant". It's a show I've never seen (even though I'm going to rip on it for most of the rest of this post) and was never compelled until recently to find out more about. In the channel guide the title is cut off so all you can see is "I Didn't Know I Was...". You can't see the rest so I assumed it was a series in which people find themselves caught unawares in various situations for example:

I didn't know I was my own uncle

I didn't know I was sitting on an ant hill

I didn't know I was riddled with herpes

You get the gist. Whatever. I understand that there could be any number of situations, diseases and medical conditions you might have contracted without your knowledge, and yet it never occurred to me that being pregnant was one of them.

It was difficult, but somehow I was able to open my mind to the possibility that someone could be so unselfconscious and unaware of their own body that they live in every day and unknowingly be pregnant, carry an infant to full term and then be completely caught off guard when they cough 9 months later and poop out a baby.* It happens. Yet still I assumed that it was pretty rare and that Pregnant, was just one episode in the series called "I Didn't Know I Was".

I have since discovered that this is incorrect and apparently not being aware of your own pregnancy happens all the time or at least often enough that the topic merits it's own complete series and not just one episode. All of this in my mind begs the question - just how stupid are these people? I suppose I should break down and actually watch the show to find the answer.

Anyhoo... this is all coming from a woman who is hyper aware of every little gas bubble and goosebump on her own body. I contemplate the state of my own physical existence almost constantly. So I guess for me the show would be called - One Time When My Period Was Extra Late I Bought a Home Pregnancy Test Even Though I Was On the Pill and Hadn't Had Sex for Nearly a Year.**

So who am I to judge stupid?

* Remember, I haven't actually seen the show so I'm making assumptions about how one goes about delivering the baby of an unknown pregnancy. I realize that babies and poop are not extracted from the same location, but the word "poop" is funny.

** It was a long time ago.


BeckEye said...

I still think these people aren't as dumb as the girls who are on the Rock of Love Bus and KNOW full well that they are indeed on the Rock of Love Bus.

I'm going to start my own show called I Didn't Know My Sunglasses Were On Top of My Head. I think I have enough material for several episodes.

BeckEye said...

Oh, here's another show idea. I Didn't Know I Stopped Italics Mid-Show Title.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Ha! I've watched a bunch of that show with a weird fascination. There are SO MANY OF THEM. It's like practically every woman who's ever birthed another human was totally unaware of an interloper in her uterus. Most had pregnancy tests and everything by doctors that came back negative and put on a tiny amount of weight which they put down to the fact they'd they'd been eating more recently. The were eating more because they were hungry. It's a vicious circle. Then inevitably they have abdomen pains in the toilet one day and out shoots a tiny mini-child like a ping pong ball out of a Thai hooker.

I'm not sure where I was going with this but now I've told you all about it, there's no need for you to actually watch it.

CDP said...

First of all, this post is hilarious. You really need to blog more often. And I've only had two, so I'm not a pregnancy expert, but really, there wasn't a moment of my life from about week 12 until they were born that I wasn't aware of their presence.

WendyB said...

Now you've made me all nervous that I have a uterine interloper.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Re this: **

Been there.


Linka72 said...

GET OUTTA MY HEAD LADY!! haha We were JUST talking about that show at lunch yesterday..weird. We also couldn't believe that you had NO IDEA that a small human was squatting in your stomach..One lady said that she was toweling off after a shower, put her foot on the bed and a baby just SLID out!!! sad

Churlita said...

I had no idea that show existed. Thanks for broadening my horizons. I feel so much smarter in comparison to the people on that show.

Gwen said...

All I can say is that I feel A LOT less sorry for all those women who complain and complain and complain about the pain and difficulty involved with carrying and birthing a uterine interloper. Sheesh! Apparently those things just fall out. Whiney asses.

Frenchie said...

You kill me. I can totally see you with the pregnancy test. Was Becky there?

Tara said...

Was that on the Discovery Channel? I've heard of people who didn't know they were pregnant, and it's still very hard to believe.

I've come across so many weird things while scanning through channels.

catherinette said...

People are incredibly stupid and or are just fooling themselves. Take, for example, my sister who was 6.5 months pregnant before she realized it. She had been having her period all along and was ballooning much like Oprah does from time to time.

Michelle S. said...

At least my oldest waited until he was one to start screwing with me, these kids are fucking with their parents in utero. Who says kids aren't smarter nowadays?

kirby said...

I saw a preview for the show. The woman in question thought she had just taken an enormous dump. A mewling dump that was connected to her body by a stringy cord. The title of that show should be changed to "I'm Just too Damn Stupid To Live."

another good thing said...

well. I missed you. Glad to have you back. Perhaps you could scan the 869 channels on my TV and tell me what crap to avoid- or at least dvr the best bunny ranch shows and synopsize bridezilla for the rest of us.