Monday, August 3, 2009

A Random Shit List

1. Foil yogurt lids that seem specifically designed to spooge all over your clean blouse, computer monitor or any nearby surface that you would prefer not appear to be splashed with a pale creamy substance. Is there a brand of yogurt that has a lid designed to avoid lid-spooge? Can we have that please?

2. Person who drove a big giant beat up old camper to work every day last week and took up four parking spaces. Not that it inconvenienced me in any real way, other than that there were three less spaces available for the rest of us, but the idea of it bugged the shit out of me on many levels. However, as I walked by it each day on my way into the building I began to imagine all of the ways it would be inconvenient, expensive and not just a little embarrassing to be reduced to driving a big giant beat up old camper as your every day vehicle and then I wondered if perhaps you haven't hit upon some pretty hard times and don't need the added burden of my silent scorn. Or maybe you are just a dick.

3. Mysterious otherness in the butter. Actually, anything other than butter in the butter whether it is mysterious or recognizable is wrong, wrong, wrong.

4. ATM machines that ask me to choose English or Spanish for my transaction.

Um.... English.

I don't recall using an ATM anywhere else in the world that asked me to choose a language. In France you get French, in Mexico you get Spanish and so on.

I forgot to press the button to get cash back with my very important purchase of a hay bale sized box of maxi pads, peanut butter ice cream, and a bag of Cheetos at the check out counter in CVS the other day so I decided to use the cash machine next to the front door on my way out. It's the kind of purchase that really helps to explain the current delicate condition of my psyche. Anyhoo.. the ATM asked me not only to choose English or Spanish, which as I explained I already find irritating, but after I chose English it then asked me IN ENGLISH - You have chosen English for this transaction - is that correct?

Uh yeah... I meant to choose English, but riddle me this - If I had accidentally chosen the wrong language how would I be able to read your dumbass follow up question?

Also wondering aloud if anyone out there happens to be a designer of ATM machines - why the fuck is there a braille option on the drive-up ATM?

That is all for now - thank you for listening.

UPDATE 2:58PM - Just to clarify: I do not hate the ATM asking me English or Spanish out of any militant anti-immigration leanings. Frankly I could care less. The more the merrier I always say. No. I hate the ATM asking me English or Spanish because it is a waste of my precious time.

14 comments:

BeckEye said...

The thing that annoys me the most about the language selection on ATMs is that English usually isn't even the FIRST one. I guess sometimes they're in alphabetical order, but my old bank in Brooklyn used to list "Dutch" first. Seriously. How many Dutch people do they think are in Brooklyn?

WendyB said...

You seem to have an issue with dairy products today.

SkylersDad said...

If these machines insist on asking me about a language, why only Spanish? Why stop there, give me a menu of the top 15 languages spoken in the whole damn world!

God I hate that!

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Beckeye - maybe it's alphabetical? Either way it's irritating - it's one more step between me and my money and getting on my way. I'm not even sure why we need instructions anyway. Push a button, gimme some money.

WendyB - I had not noticed the connection, but you are absolutely right. I was going to have a grilled cheese for lunch today, but I think I'll steer clear and have a salad instead.

Skydad - right! But really why braille? Why not American Sign Language? Esperanto? Klingon? It's ridiculous. Just stop asking inane questions and give me my money.

God said...

In Canada, we also have French as a language at an ATM - everywhere, no matter if French is spoken commonly in that region or not.

But then again, French is one of our 'official' languages.

Nobody blows up and dies because of it...even though sometimes it's retarded.

Dr Zibbs said...

I hear you with the Spanish thing.

Pisses me off.

i am playing outside said...

In Canada, they ask English or French. But those are both official languages, so that makes a little more sense. And yes, its a total waste of time.

What I hate is the asking if I want to accept the expensive transaction fee. I'm already here, I already know its gonna cost me, how about not reminding me?

Suze said...

Oh look at you Miss Fancy with money actually in the bank :)

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Dear God - Hope you got the letter and I pray that you can make it better down here. We don't need a big reduction in the price of beer... sorry XTC fan - I couldn't resist. What were you saying?

Zibbs - Irritating as it is it's still not as bad as being stuck behind someone who doesn't have their transaction ready to go I suppose...

Player - I'm guessing they have to ask about the extra charge since they are charging you - but I'm not sure why they have to charge so damn much.

Suze - OK - that was my big guffaw of the day - thanks...

Helen said...

TRy living in a country with 11 official languages, you have to pick a language every 5 minutes... They don't ask if youre sure though...

You're right with the yoghurt, we should do something to change it!

Kimberly said...

You're pissed & I love it.

kirby said...

Imagine the adds. Try New Dannon Yogurt, now 100% Spooge Free!

Renaissance Woman said...

I agree 100% with the foil lids. I wear yogurt on a daily basis because of those lids.

Chris said...

Sometimes I pick Spanish and fumble my way through the transaction, just to prove to myself and the rest of the world that I really don't speak Spanish and should not be allowed to handle money...

BTW, my word verification is "delimete," which is, I believe, Spanish for "salami."