Sunday, December 14, 2008

Oh darn, I left the baby on the bus.

Good Morning!

Am a allowed to be this chipper when it's so early that I haven't even had coffee yet?

I say yes.

It is Sunday after all, so cut me some slack bitches. I can't help it. I'm naturally perky damn it.

I've been tagged by the lovely Gwen over at Everything I Like Causes Cancer for Splotchy's story virus. How thrilling! I'm going to give it a whirl and hope to keep it moving by tagging Linka over at Stop Looking at My Screen... Nosy! I've never tagged Linka before so I don't know if she's game. Are you game Linka?

Directly below, italicized and slightly tiny, is what I assume is the nugget of Splotchy's original idea and then below that in blue is the story:

Here's what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don't know how realistic it is, but that's what I'm aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out.If you are one of the carriers of this story virus (i.e. you have been tagged and choose to contribute to it), you will have one responsibility, in addition to contributing your own piece of the story: you will have to tag at least one person that continues your story thread. So, say you tag five people. If four people decide to not participate, it's okay, as long as the fifth one does. And if all five participate, well that's five interesting threads the story spins off into.Not a requirement, but something your readers would appreciate: to help people trace your own particular thread of the narrative, it will be helpful if you include links to the chapters preceding yours.

- The story begins -
The bus was more crowded than usual. It was bitterly cold outside, and I hadn't prepared for it. I noticed that a fair number of the riders were dressed curiously. As I glanced around, I stretched my feet and kicked up against a large, heavy cardboard box laying under the seat in front of me. (
Splotchy)

I hunched down to see what it was, but as I did, the bus violently veered to left. I was thrown up against a heavyset Asian woman with blond hair. I pardoned myself, but she faced forward with no reply. Just then, a man wearing a jumpsuit of silver and gold stood up at the front of the bus. He was holding a megaphone and a box of graham crackers. He held the megaphone up to his face and began to speak... (Some Guy)

"Yukon Cornelius was the greatest prospector that ever lived!" Waving the box of graham crackers over his head, "And the silver and gold nuggets in this box were mined by him at the North Pole!" It was then I noticed the box under the seat was also filled with graham crackers. Not name-brand ones made by the tree-dwelling elves, but the generic kind that come in white boxes meagerly labeled in big black letters: GRAHAM CRACKERS. Probably made by a guy named Butch who masturbates at lunch and doesn't wash his hands.

"And I had a whole bunch more right here on this bus until one of you misfits stole it! Gimme back my silver and gold!"

As I contemplated the man's sanity the bus stopped at a red light, throwing the woman next to me into a fit of rage. Before I knew what was happening she had tossed me out of her way onto the floor and was lunging for the kook with the microphone. Her wig flew across the aisle as she jumped on the man's back and sunk her toothless gums into his shoulder. The two of them went down like a pine tree headed for a Boy Scout lot.

The driver, startled by the commotion, looked up into his overhead mirror, accidentally removing his foot from the brake, and the bus rolled into the busy intersection. (Gwen)

He jammed his foot on the brake as soon as he looked up and saw the traffic coming at his bus from all directions and although he escaped the horrors of causing a multi-car pile up he was only mildly relieved. The driver was far too pissed off with his rowdy passengers to even notice that he had narrowly missed plowing over a woman pushing a baby stroller filled with kittens across the street.

It was just as well because had he noticed he might have been very disappointed. The bus driver really hated kittens, but he had bigger matters at hand. He parked the bus and stormed his way back to Yukon Corneilius and the wig-less Asian lady who were currently engaged in what could only be described as a combination of Sumo wrestling and the Foxtrot. (The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch)

9 comments:

CDP said...

"Yukon Cornelius" is an awesome name...very funny story! I did this last week.

Some Guy said...

It lives! Thanks for keeping it going, TLWDL!

Gwen said...

Kittens in a baby stroller - genius! Thanks for keeping it going, Lady!

Renaissance Woman said...

So creative...good job. Wasn't there a Christmas movie with somebody named Yukon Cornelius...okay maybe not.

Churlita said...

Yukon Cornelius is from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, isn't he? VEry funny story.

Linka72 said...

Ok..all late and shit but I continued the story..I am SUCH an embarassment to my family..um..how do you insert links in posts??

Splotchy said...

Nicely done! I was just thinking what this story needed was a baby stroller full o' kittens!

Anonymous said...

Hey, I tagged you because I care.

Poobomber said...

Err, that tagging was from me.