Saturday, October 11, 2008

The News Round Up

Hey all... I'm back. Sort of.

I'll be leaving again shortly as MDH and I pack up for a week long stay in a hotel starting Monday when the people we hired to refinish our hardwood floors begin to do so.

They told us that it will take 4 days and after they are finished we won't be able to walk on the floors in shoes or move the furniture back where it belongs for another week after that. That may seem like a long time to have things scattered all over the place, but because it's been this way for so long already, I've become accustomed to living in a pig sty. So whatever dude.

Actually, I've never been more excited to stay at a hotel in my entire life. It's just the crappy Ramada down the street, but it will be a week of living like a semi-normal person again. I won't have to turn sideways to walk through my kitchen and I already know exactly where the phone book will be (in the nightstand drawer).

The floor people were able to schedule the work in just the nick of time. I've gotten so used to living in this mess that one more day of it and I would have begun wearing nothing but mumus and eating all my food straight out of the can.

In the comments of this post, which contains the majority of my bitching, somebody made the clever suggestion that we move everything back to it's proper place until time came closer to the actual date when the work was to be done. Yes. Thanks for that. Marvelous idea. I hear you. It makes perfect sense and would probably have been a fine thing for us to do if we were not the two laziest people on planet earth and possibly galaxies beyond.

Anyhoo... now there is an end in sight.

Meanwhile I realized that not only have I been neglecting my blog I've also left it hanging with a couple of untidy loose ends that I intend to take care of in this post.

Like first of all:

Whatever happened between Gaydar and Jogger? Remember that whole thing with the old man with the crush on the young girl and the mysterious packet of Oreo cookies? Well I swear on a stack of chocolate cream filled cookies that the very next day after I wrote that post - what should I see displayed prominently on my very own desk when I got to work? Yes. A mysterious packet of Oreo cookies.

Anyway... here's what happened... Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was weird and I half wondered if Gaydar hadn't read my blog post where I all but called him a dirty old man because his annoying harassment of Jogger seemed to end right after I wrote it.

Jogger and I still don't know who gave us the cookies.

and loose end number 2:

The Case of the Olive Garden Charges
In this post I wrote a few months ago about a mysterious charge I noticed on our family credit card statement to the Olive Garden to the sum of $52.83 and the arguments and accusations of bad taste that ensued between me and MDH. A week or so later I called my mother who thanked me for the Olive Garden gift card I had sent to them for their anniversary. What a relief! Neither of us remembered having eaten at the Olive Garden because neither of has had.

And now a numbered list of random bullshit:

1. I dyed my hair back to my "natural color". At least I think it's my natural color. Over the years my blond highlight just kept getting lighter and lighter and my hair was starting to look fried. It's brownish now and very shiny again.

2. MDH does not like my new old hair color. He said he finds it "jarring". Too bad mutha fucka.

3. I drove around the block and wrote down the address of the house where the dog lives that barks all goddamn night and keeps me awake. I don't know what I'm going to do with it yet, probably call the police the next time it happens. I have also toyed with the idea of finding out the phone number of the house too and then calling these assholes at 2am when they let their dog bark and howl for hours on end.

4. I have become addicted to the new HBO series True Blood. I know, I know. Vampires. But trust me, it's really good.

5. I have also become addicted to the MTV show called Exiled where the little spoiled rotten assholes previously featured on My Super Sweet 16 are hauled off like criminals in the night, made to live among families in third world countries and forced to perform chores such as making huts out of cow poop and sleep on dirt floors. It's wonderful. A feel good festival of grins and evil giggling.

6. Mr. Boo got me last week. I vowed that I would never let this happen, but it did and I am ashamed. You see, I was deep in conversation with my back to the cubicle aisle way and the asshat snuck up behind me and burst a handful of bubble wrap in my ear. I won't go into detail about what happened or what I said to him afterward, but suffice it to say that he limped away from the experience holding onto his ball sack for dear life and has still not been able to look me in the eye nearly a week later. I have no fear that he'll ever sneak up and scare me again.


silverneurotic said...

Damn, the street where I live is getting paved Monday-Tuesday and I won't be able to drive on it...if I thought ahead of time I would have thought to make a reservation at a local hotel-just to avoid the hassle of parking my car across town and having to wait for a ride just to get home.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

It's not too late Silver - Hotwire a hotel right away. We got our Ramada for very cheap. It's totally worth it to avoid hassles and headaches.

Dr Zibbs said...

Call the fuzz on the dog. I can't stand people that don't take the time to train their pets.

Gwen said...

Yesterday I was going to ask all these questions in the last post's comments but decided it was just plain nosy. It's like you can read my mind.

I'm excited about your floors. Not long now! And? You get to have hotel sex.

That Exiled show sounds awesome. I hate those Sweet 16 ninnies.

SkylersDad said...

Your hair looks great! Thanks for all the updates.

Churlita said...

I love both those shows too. But don't you think Exiled is totally scripted? How can each one of those kids each have an epiphany on the same day of their trip that instantly makes them understand how lucky they have it?

WendyB said...

You are a woman after my own heart.

Leonesse said...

Does it include a free continental breakfast too???

Anonymous said...

Order all meals through room service. Pamper yourself! And yes, steal me a towel or two.

Renaissance Woman said...

It feels so good to have you back to blogland! And I am sooo jealous for the hotel living. I think that living in a hotel and having a built-in maid would be wonderful. Enjoy! I love the dark hair. Remember when I went dark and then had to lighten it up again...I just got it done on Saturday and now it's dark blonde again.

Lastly...I love the Olive Garden story. Cracks me up!!!

Anonymous said...

Jarring is not an adjective I would want my husband to use to describe me or my hair. Did you have a sweet comeback like, "Oh yeah, well your face is jarring!"

When you call up the neighbors with the barking dogs at 2am, play a recording of you and MDH barking.

Anonymous said...

I am most sad to hear that your husband does not like your " new old hair"
hahaha. This cracked me up.

I like your hair. And I hope you have a fabulous time at the motel. :)

Leah said...

As long as you have free wi-fi I am sure it will be all good, and chaos free. And the cat???

I like the new old hair, very nice.

Enjoy your hotel life.

CDP said...

I love the new hair color!

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Zibbs - there are some nights when I barely notice the dog, but on nights when I'm having trouble sleeping I want to beat my neighbors senseless. The yards are situated in an awkward position so I couldn't tell for a long time where the barking was coming from. One sleepless barky night this summer I actually went out to my backyard in my underpants at 3am and just started shouting SHUT UP like a crazy person. The dog shut up though.

Gwennie - We have a psychic connection you and I.

Skydad - You are always so complimentary.... thanks!

Churlita - oh man! don't ruin it for me - I haven't seen enough episodes to see a pattern, but you are probably right. I'm sure they suffer though.

WendyB - you have a wardrobe after my own heart ;)

Leo - no. no free breakie. I brought some Kashi bars and tea bags though, so we're all set.

Suze - no restuarant either, but this hotel shares a parking lot with one of the bigger malls in town, so there's all kinds of chain restaurants within walking distance AND a discount movie theater.

RenWoman - so far it's been pretty cool - like going to work like a regular day, but being on vacation in the evenings.

SRU - I know - jarring. MDH doesn't take change very well. He's used to a blonde. He has since come to his senses and begun to appreciate how soft my hair is now.

Sparsely - I've always had blonde hair with varying degrees of lightness since I've known him, but my true hair color is a halo of mouse brown fire.

Leah - We boarded our poor little Turtle so that he wouldn't die from the fumes, which are supposedly quite horrible and dangerous.

CDP - thanks! I like it too.

pistols at dawn said...

I never walk anywhere without holding my ball sack - maybe he's just one of my kind.

Linka72 said...

True Blood??!! Ohmyfreakingjeasuscakes!! I love that show..weird isn't it..reminds ne of Twin Peaks sometimes.
Your hair looks yummy though..ok that sounded strange but honestly, my first thought when I saw it was that it looked like a chocolate dessert that I would hide from my husband.
{insert awkward silence here}