Thursday, August 14, 2008

I'm so blah-some...

Hello stranger. I've taken a very long hiatus from my blog and still after all this time am wondering if anything I have to say here is relevant or worthwhile.

Is my slump showing?

Anyhoo... I decided that my putting out a crappy, wet blanket of a blog post might make me feel better than not blogging at all.

So here's what you get - a list of numbered points of the recent events, observations and general nuttiness that have been consuming my time lately. I realize that it's not much of a list as there are only 2 things on it. Get off my back.

1. Olive Garden Sucks - We're Snobs, Get Over It
Last week I decided to give our credit card statement more than a sweeping glance and discovered a strange charge of $52.83, or some similarly obscure amount, to the Olive Garden.

As a rule, and as a family of not just a little Italian persuasion, we tend to loathe the Olive Garden and many other ethnic-ky chain restaurants on principle. I knew that I sure as fuck hadn't eaten there, and so had no choice but to assume it was MDH. It had to be him.

Surely he had lost a bet or been roped into eating at Olive Garden on his business trip by some senior manager with horrific bad taste. I ran to the den to begin teasing and berating him immediately for dining at such a sub-par establishment when there are home made Italian delicacies to be had almost daily in our own home, made with love, by me.

Well, it backfired because he vehemently denied having eaten at the Olive Garden and not only that but said he had assumed it was me who ate at the Olive Garden. He thought it was an odd, out of character choice for me to make, but was relatively unconcerned.

We were each mutually insulted at the others assumption of our bad taste and spent a great deal of our time last week obsessing and arguing about this errant charge on our credit card. It wasn't me. It wasn't him. What the fuck?

There was much drama. Should we call the credit card company and have the charges investigated? After much discussion we decided it wasn't a large enough amount to worry about but that we would carefully monitor next months statement for any errant charges to such places as TGI Fridays, Appleby's or Don Pablo's.

2. Mr. Boo Can't Touch This

I have posted once before about the annoying little man at my office who has worked there forever and likes to go around startling innocent people while they are quietly working. I call him Mr. Boo and I didn't have much interaction with him before so wasn't a target of his insulting and unprofessional scare tactics - but I am now.

We are working on a project team together and sadly I am on his radar now. He knows who I am and he walks by my cube and tries to scare me on a daily basis. But I am unflappable. He never scares me and I can tell that it is frustrating the hell out of him.

Mr Boo (tiptoeing just out of my sightline - then suddenly leaps into view): BOOOOH!!!!!

Me (barely looking up, calm as a fucking ninja): Oh hey Mr. Boo. What's up?

Mr. Boo: Nothing. Just wanted to give those specs you asked for. (Walks away dejected.)

I had hoped that by flatly ignoring him, eventually he would get bored and leave me alone, but unfortunately I think he may be looking upon my smooth, un-scare-ability as a challenge. I was all smug about it until late this afternoon when he flung a pinata shaped like steer over the wall of my cube and tried to hit me in the back of the head with it while making loud moo-ing noises. It was on this fishing pole kind of thingy so he took a couple of swings.

I could see it coming at me in the reflection of my monitor and he missed anyway. What an asshole.

Mr. Boo will never get me. Never. But I am starting to be a bit frightened that he will never stop trying and it's gotten very old already.

21 comments:

SkylersDad said...

Hello Lady, nice to see you here! I want to comment on a couple of things here...

First off, your hump isn't showing. Oh wait, you said slump, sorry, my bad!

Second, we eat such crap on a daily basis that the garden is a step up for us. How sad is that? But I would watch that card like a hawk!

Third, concerning Mr. Boo, keep a large glass of water by you, and when you see him coming, act like he finally scared you and throw that entire thing all over his ass. If he persists in this stupid game, kick his damn butt!

evilesb138 said...

Mr Boo sounds like a douchebag that needs to have his ass knocked out..."oops, reflexes sorry Mt Boo."

Once again, we agree on the most important of issues. Olive Garden does suck. I have no problem agreeing with that statement.

I have a new link...and a newer name, the blog is the same old crap though

Tricia said...

I would call the credit card company and let them know about the Olive Garden thing. They will immediately reverse the charge. They will also change your card number which might be a pain but if someone has it, they are likely to use it again. Next time they might buy a $1500 LCD TV or something.

Tara said...

There is a thief out there somewhere who likes Olive Garden. If Mr. Boo suddenly smells like garlic, I'd call him a suspect. Don't hate me, but I like Olive Garden. But I had nothing to do with those charges on your card, I swear. ;)

Mr. Boo's antics amuse me to a point, but he seriously needs to get out more. And by out, I don't mean sneaking around scaring people and throwing little mooing figures into cubicles.

Linka72 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Linka72 said...

(I deleted this earlier because a bitch can't spell)

Yeah Lady, I think that Olive Garden sucks too but for different reason..like SCREAMING, UNATTENDED CHILDREN every fucking where..yeck

As for Mr. Boo, the next time he tries it, do the water thing that skylersdad suggested OR "accidentally" punch the fuck out of him and claim that it was a reaction to being startled..I kicked a friend in the face when she tried to tickle me while I was resting once like that..as I pretended to be asleep it took all I had not to laugh as she cried about her nearly broken nose..oh.the.hilarity!
Signed,
Mean Bitch

Keeper Of All Things said...

I like Olive Garden....
Please don't hate me......I'm kinda a food whore....I'll try anything if I didn't have to cook it

Churlita said...

Who throws a pinata at someone else's head? Who even has one at their desk to throw? So strange.

There's an annoying guy at my office who insists on speaking in baby talk. I didn't allow my daughters to speak like that when they were babies. Imagine how awful it is for me listen to that from a man in his fifties.

Del-V said...

I think throwing a glass or water (skylersdad's suggestion) or a hot cup of coffee (my suggestion) will fix Mr. Boo. Then kick his ass.

another good thing said...

I love your blogs. DO NOT STOP. See the thing is- you write enough in one blog post to make like--- a week of blogs. Maybe you could to the Stephen King serializing thing and leave us hanging on a critical point or mid joke every day... just an idea.
Oh and OLIVE GARDEN? tried it once in the 80's and never went back. Could I be more of a snob than you?

Michelle said...

Olive Gardern has it's place, I wouldn't call it an Italian restaurant though. My cc company called ME about a 7.95 charge and lo and behold, we have no idea where it came from. Got a new card and no big deal really, worth it in case they get more info on you and steal your identity!!

Where do weirdos like Mr Boo come from anyway? Coffee, yeah, like that suggestion.

Dr Zibbs said...

All chain restaurants suck for OG, Chilis, TGIF, ..All of them. Stick with family owned AND BYOB.

Renaissance Woman said...

You crack me up...I think it's so funny that you were so busy fighting over who had worse taste and now you aren't going to call the credit card company! So funny!

I say kick Mr. Boo's ass!

And I am so glad that you showed up. Love reading your updates.

kirby said...

About Mr. Boo, first take a self defense course at the Y, and make sure everyone in the office knows you're doing so. Bide your time, then one day, when he pulls another lame stunt, go Chuck Norris on his ass. No jury in the world would convict you.

Leonesse said...

I have come close to giving up several times, myself. When all the witty is gone, it's just gone. Hang in there and keep it up! We love it.

As for Boo, well, I may have taken a big swing at that pinata. I'm with skylarspappy on this one.

silverneurotic said...

I like the Olive Garden, but I can assure you that I did not take your card. I don't even know where the nearest Olive Garden is from here.

Perhaps if you play scared on time, this guy will leave you alone? Or, you can scare him and it'll cure him of his creepy habit.

Falwless said...

Oh dear god I just laughed so hard. Mr. Boo sounds like a friggin' lame-o. Seriously, he has no better things to do than go around annoying people? Gah. Kick him square in the nuts.

Also, while everyone is claiming to either hate or love the Olive Garden and the lovers are feigning ignorance on your credit card charges, I am here to state that a) I fucking love me some Olive Garden. Seriously. Tour of Italy? Tour of GET IN MY TUMMY! and b) it was totally me who put the charges on your card.

I left a nice tip, too. Thanks for the meal!

Chris said...

I was in a community leadership program last winter. During one session a representative from the Sioux City Chamber of Commerce was the speaker. She repeatedly said how proud the city was that "we're getting an Olive Garden," and that "the Olive Garden is going to put us on the map!" We got the Olive Garden. Sad part is that no one in this area can afford to go there, and the two locally owned Italian places both went under 'cause all the rich people abandoned them for the Olive Garden.

We went there once. It was noodles 'n stuff.

CDP said...

Another Good Thing has a point...this was two posts, really; you could have stretched this over two days. Mr. Boo sounds like the most priceless ass, and I'd call the credit card company, too. $50 is $50, plus they might just be checking to see if you're paying attention.

i am playing outside said...

welcome back!

i hate people in offices. there is a woman in my office who comes up behind me a slams her hand on a metal cabinet and shouts WAKE UP!

sorry woman. maybe you have nothing to do at work, but i've CLEARLY been reading news online all day long, and therefore am awake lol

Gwen said...

Oh hell, Lady. I hate to see that you have the blues. I say you tell management that Mr. Boo stole your credit card out of your purse and went out for a drinking lunch.

Two birds, one stone.