Friday, October 10, 2008

Can't Get There from Here

Our local whoever is in charge of fixing the roads seems to have had some kind of planning, scheduling or logistical foul up because every goddamn road we normally use to get anywhere has been closed and there are detours.

Lots and lots of detours.

It's maddening.

If you would like to travel on Highway A under normal circumstances you would turn right at the end our our street drive about half a mile and voila! Highway A.

If you would like to travel on Route B simply make a left turn at the end our our street drive about 3 miles and.... Ahhhh... Route B.

One of the reasons we chose this particular neighborhood was the lovely combination of quiet sleepiness and close proximity to multiple highways. But for the last month there is so much road construction around our neighborhood that I cannot go more than 4 blocks in either direction at the end our our street without encountering a detour of some kind. We have been completely boxed in.

I was nearly destroyed earlier this week when after establishing a new pattern, however convoluted of using the detours to find my way to and from work every day I discovered that one of the detours I have been using now has it's own detour. Did I mention something earlier about madness?

In spite of all the detours, construction and extra traffic my commute to work in the morning is only taking about 5 extra minutes, but for reasons that are very difficult to explain to people who don't live in Michigan or states that discourage left turns, the time it takes me to drive home in the evening has doubled.

I have lost that certain 5pm spring in my step and eagerness to go home. Why bother, I think, I'm just going to sit seething in traffic anyway.

Actually, lately I've noticed I'm seething less. Not that the other driver's aren't every bit as irritating to me as they usually are, but the road rage has given way to a sort of secret encouragement and I have turned into a detour traffic coach, unbeknownst to my fellow de-tourists and I find myself saying things like:

That's it Green Ford Focus, focus!

OK beat-up Corolla, I'm counting on you. Turn! Turn! Turn! Aw damn! Why did you stop in the middle of your turn? Next time. You'll get it next time.

C'mon Buick! Let's go. Show me that Charlie Hustle!

Anyhoo... I'm glad to be home.


Poobomber said...

Makes you want to go right out and fight a construction worker huh?

(And then take on some other drivers for dessert.)

SkylersDad said...

Always remember, nothing says get out of my way like belt-fed automatic weapons!

Anonymous said...

Hahah, yes we also have 'broad-thinkers' working on our road works, detours and traffic areas. They are true Rhodes scholars :)

Tara said...

Detours are evil, unless you the driver are the one who thinks, "Hey, let's take another path for the fun of it!" I ran into some detours lately that made me swear up a storm. I'm sure other drivers could read my lips and I didn't care.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Poob - you know I would fight a construction worker but I have yet to actually SEE ONE. Where the fuck are they?

Skydad - I do just fine with a hunting rifle, but you know it's so much more fun to just bitch an moan.

Sparsley - the local soccer team in my old town is called The Crew because of all the road construction constantly going on there.

Tara - I don't mind the self imposed detours either, but sometimes I just wanna go home and pee.

Chris said...

A few days ago I was happily tootling up the road. I stopped at the stop sign and turned right. At the end of the block was a man standing in the middle of the intersection with a hardhat on, directing traffic. He'd let those guys go through, then those other guys, then the first guys again, but never US in this lane.

What had happened is that the boneheads started tearing up the lane I was in before they put the "road closed" signs up. So the road in front of me was being torn to bits by a big machine, I could see a man in my rear-view mirror putting up the detour signs behind me, but me and the three other people in my lane couldn't go ANYWHERE. We couldn't turn 'cause of the median, we couldn't back up because of traffic, and we couldn't go forward.

I'm actually still sitting there right now.

We were stuck there for a good half hour before the construction people finally blocked traffic behind us long enough to let us back down the street to the previous intersection.

It sucked.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Chris - OMG - I read your comment from my email at work today and nearly choked on my iced tea. I hope that Dagmar is nearby so she can bring you snacks while you are stuck there. You are funny.

pistols at dawn said...

I just yell at cars more. "Come on, hero! You can do it!" It's annoying.