Tuesday, August 19, 2008

A Quick List of CrabbyLove

I've been such a crab apple lately. Quick tempered. Ugly mood swings. Just generally unpleasant to live with. Even the cat doesn't want to be around me anymore except when I fill his food dish. Ungrateful bastard.

See what I mean? I'm foul.

Anyhoo... I started trying to think of things that I love so that maybe I can start to snap out of this horrible queen of the harpies phase that I seem to be going through right now. So I'm taking a deep breath and in no particular order here goes -

Love:

1. Mashed potatoes - and keep the gravy away or I will stick a fork in your eye. Gravy sucks.

2. Having 10 items in my basket and no one else in line at the 10 Items or Less check out line. It'd be heaven if I had cash with correct change.


3. Finding out yesterday on NPR that those stupid detox foot pads are a big hoax - just like I knew they were. Oh yeah. This reporter put them on her feet before she went to bed and when she woke up the next morning said they were disgusting, gooey and gray, but she took them to some lab at UC Berkley where they compared the amount of minerals the company who makes the pads claim they remove from your system in an unused pad to the gray gooey one she had used and found no difference. HA. Then to explain the gray gooey part she took a clean one and held it over a steaming tea pot full of hot water and guess what? It turned gray - that's what. I knew it was bullshit and I love being right. You can listen to the story here.

4. My haircut. I hated it when I came home from the salon, but it's grown on me, so to speak and now I love it. On a less lovey note though, I have noticed that no matter what hair style I come home with, when I style it myself I do it exactly the same as I always have done. No wonder it never looks like it does when my stylist does it. I always ask for something modern and updated, which she does beautifully, but my hands and arms are in some kind of style time warp and still treating my head like it's 1993.

5. Discovering the other day that Charley Boorman and Ewan McGregor did another motorcycle around the world series called Long Way Down. Fuck Ewan McGregor, he's OK I guess, but I'm all weak in the knees for Charley. I know it's strange and there is no accounting for taste, but I have this weird thing for Charley Boorman ever since I saw him half naked in The Emerald Forest, and think he is just about the sexiest man alive. Yeah. Well I did until I watched episode three in which while camping in Italy, he laid down on the ground with his knees in the air, held a Zippo to his ass, lit a fart and laughed like a hyena. I still love him any way. Maybe more now.

6. Marlboro Ultra Lights in a box. Don't worry. I'm not smoking again. Much. No really. I'm not - I'm just thinking about it a lot lately and choosing to over eat instead.

7. Clean sheets.

8. Dental floss.

That's it. I've been sitting here for 15 minutes trying to come up with 9 and 10 and I just can't do it. Why don't you tell me what YOU love... Make it good.

Love, Lady


31 comments:

WendyB said...

I feel like after a new haircut it looks really different for two weeks and then somehow it goes back to looking like it always does.

boredmando said...

1. I love showering at my moms. I don't know if it's the water, the shower head, or the lighting, but my hair always looks awesome. I could use the exact same shampoo at my place, and my hair will look like crap.

2. I also love being in the car and having Barracuda come on the radio. I love that song.

i am playing outside said...

i stopped at number 4 because i didnt need to read anymore. i laughed so hard that i spit. honest to blog.

Leonesse said...

You too!? I don't, much, but have been craving lately. Bad.

SPARSELY KATE said...

I love when blogger come back and tell us what they've been up to - good or bad. It's all news.

I love the peace and quiet I will get tonight after having six high-needs kids in my home.

I love the colour of my hair...it's completely natural now and kinda nice.

I love fluffy slippers and socks.

evilesb138 said...

real mashed potatoes are one of the top five foods in my world

those stupid foot things reek

I love Camel Filters in the box, not much....

My girl Renee, awwww

My job

freaks who entertain me

graffiti artists far and wide

a cold beer or 12

I love when the Lunch Lady posts!!

I love being a brown noser

Dr Zibbs said...

Huge shrimp from the Gulf.

another good thing said...

HAH. I knew those foot pad things were BS. Though my massage place has one of those ultrasonic footbath things that's supposed to really pull toxins...
adn I love your haircut "timewarp" hands- that's it- exactly. My friend's mom went thru chemo- lost her hair and they bought her a very expensive modern styled wig-- took her ten minutes to reshape it into her shoulder flip Bewitched style.
ok. LOVES.
9.REAL NY pizza, the kind you can fold over and the cheese still leaks out of a corner
10. sleeping alone in the middle of the Tempurpedic mattress on Egyptian cotton sheets

poobomber said...

I love the morning cigarette - nothing is quite as beautiful as that first lung full of smoky goodness after a whole night of sleep without.

You smokers know what I'm talkin' bout - the rest of you will be grossed out.

And I love Satan.

Kidding.

Del-V said...

I love potato chips, cold beer and football.

I also love the USA because we invented potato chips, cold beer and football.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

Baked Ruffles. No, really -- they're awesome.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CDP said...

Last week, I loved Banana Frozfruit popsicles, but I think they're only really awesome when you eat them on the beach. I love my first cup of coffee in the morning, and I love putting on pajama pants and a tshirt the second I walk in the house.

Michelle said...

I love Marlboro Lights in a box. I haven't had one in almost ten years, but don't think I haven't been thinking about them the entire time.

I love throwing dinner parties.

I love finding jeans that fit.

I love watching tv late at night when everyone else is asleep.

I love pumpkins. Yea Fall is coming!

SkylersDad said...

I love spring and the fall, but the fall around here is particularly great. The damn summer heat starts to go away, leaves turn, fresh snow on the high peaks, it's all wonderful!

Churlita said...

I love my migraine meds. They changed my life.

You'll hate me for this one, but I love that football season is just around the corner - Sunday afternoons at a bar eating wings, drinking beer and watching guys kick the shit out of each other.

Rachel said...

I love spending time with my friends and lately with my boyfriend at his beautiful house.

I love giving away clothes because they are too big to people that I used to think were skinny.

I love the first whiff of fresh air that I get when I walk outside after sitting in office hell for 8 hours.

I love veggie burgers. (never thought I would ever say that)

I love Zumba.

I love my friends. They are some of the bestest people in the whole wide world.

I love tweezing. I will sit for hours looking for the most miniscule of hairs.

I love my new purse that celebrated my 100 pound weight loss.

I love being right!

Renaissance Woman said...

I love laughing so hard that you forget that there is anything else happening in the world.

I love that feeling you get when you feel loved! SAPPY...I know

I'm glad your back and I don't care if you are crabby. Join the crowd.

r cubed said...

A big ditto on the haircut thing, I am retarded when it comes to hair styling, thus my hair has looked the same since 1986.

I love it when the vending machine gives me TWO Snicker bars when I only paid for one! Yeah! This just happened! Wow, it's a little sad how happy I am about this. It's also sad that I sincerely thought about saving the second one for my husband, but I'm eating it right now.

Suzel said...

I love a 4-day work week. I love when my husband can't find the last ice cream cone that I hid way in the back - behind the frozen brussel sprouts.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

WendyB - I think the stylists are holding back something from us - some kind of potion that wears off so we have to keep coming back fortnightly.

Boredmando - maybe your mom has a water softener or something. I have a lot of favorite car songs - but I know exactly what you mean.

Player - it probably is funny to someone with hair as short as you keep yours. I bet you don't even need a comb. Lucky!

Leo - I think it's something about summer and sitting on the back porch.

SKate - I love fluffy socks too - it's too hot for them now, but I wear them year round when I'm at home.

Evil - Thanks! I need to catch up on my blog reading so that I can spread the love - mashed taters rule!

Dr. Zibbs - Gulf shrimp 'Po Boy - sounds yummy.

AGT - not sure I believe in the toxin removal services period other than those free ones provided naturally by our livers, kidneys and such.

That memory foam bed sounds great.

Poob - I get it. With a big cup of coffee and a little Today show with the sound off. Can't stand to hear them prattling on, but it's a morning ritual.

Del-V - I'm with you on the chips, and while I'm not the biggest fan of football or beer I like them both and am glad they exist.

BSUWG - I'm particularly fond of the ones dusted with cheddar flavor.

CDP - we are surely soul mates - I'm with you on all that stuff.

Michelle - Hey! I'm with you on all of that except the pumpkins - something about the way they smell - otherwise I love the color and the pies.

Skydad - you've got all the good seasons there in Colorado sir. In Michigan we pretty much have cold, wet, snowy and humid.

Churlita - I'm down with that. We can share some wings, but you'll have to watch the football and I will make fun of what everyone is wearing. Yeah migraine meds!

Rachel - you and your veggie burgers - you're a changed woman! Love you!

Renwoman - ooh that's a good one - like when you get all out of breath and almost pee yourself - that's a good time.

RCubed - I have to laugh because I'm reading your comment while looking at the graphic of the kitty with the lime rind on it's head. Hee!

Suze - oh ho! hiding and hoarding the treats? - you are truly wise.

Step Right Up said...

I feel exactly the way you do about the mashed potatoes. Hold the gravy! There use to be a mashed potato restaurant in Chicago. Every kind of topping you can imagine for your mp's. I've heard of mashed potato martini bars at wedding receptions where martini glasses are heaped with mashed potatoes and guests load 'em up with every desirable topping there. Why the heck didn't I do that instead of the overpriced yardbird?!

p.s. A few of my loves are wine and cheese. Together or not. I'm not choosy.

Anonymous said...

I love lunch lady-- and how I got to your blog-- Hometown pride! I don't know how to get to her new blog?? Email me: arringtontina@bellsouth.net with info to her blog. She is really one awesome lady-- to go through all of what she did with a really crazy sense of humor!!
"A Quick list of crabby love??"
heehee-- your humor cracks me up!! Ewww ok, I'm calming down now! Tina (I don't blog, so I don't have a URL or anything-- thanks for having an anonymous!)

Falwless said...

We are so alike it frightens me. # 6? Me too, girl, me too. Quit Nov 1 of last year but man, lately, I have been craving them like nobody's business. And I will confess -- a week ago I went out to lunch w/ smoker friend and bummed THREE OF THEM DURING LUNCH. In one hour! I have had to stop myself from going and buying any. Those three were #2, 3, and 4 since I quit. I will *not* start up again. Be strong. And overeat (much like me).

Man, seriously. We were separated at birth or something.

I have been in a shitty mood all week, so I feel your pain. Here's hoping things get better soon... don't beat yourself up too much for being a crab apple, happens to us all. Just let it be. It too shall pass.

Tara said...

I love clean sheets...I take them out of the washer and hang them out on my balcony to dry instead of using the machine. They smell so nice. No dryer sheet required.

minijonb said...

i love Top Five lists, but your list of 8 is pretty cool too.

i'm a little freaked out by how long the lines are at every Meijer i go to these days. i guess i need to only buy 10 things at a time.

Gwen said...

I'm stealing one from Ren Woman because it's perfect and I now she won't mind: I love laughing so hard that you forget that there is anything else happening in the world.

And also, I love you, even when you're crabby. So there.

Frenchie said...

1. I love kisses from my oldest dog
2. I love that my husband has my back when the whole world seems against me sometimes
3. I love a rich glass of Cabernet on a cold night
4. I love eating an exquisite meal
5. I love my fireplace
6. I love having a washer and dryer in my house (those laundromat days really sucked)
7. I love having A/C (grew up in a humid-ass river valley in West Virginia with no A/C)
8. I love having a job where I get to start fresh every year (teaching)

Frankly, I'm suddenly feeling this outpouring of love, so I'll stop indulging myself and put an end to it right here! Thanks for at least getting my morning off to a good start....I needed that!

Keeper Of All Things said...

Green lights and no traffic in front of me :)

Dale said...

I love this and everything else except the stuff I hate.

pistols at dawn said...

I'm too great to love anything that isn't me.