Friday, July 25, 2008

20 Questions - Part Two - STD's & Personal Care Edition

Welcome back! Glad to know that I haven't driven all of you away with my recent severe hatred of over used trite phrases, tales of long ago unsatisfied promiscuity, and crazed obsession with the direction of the toilet paper roll. I'll have to try harder from now on. (I'm just kidding, please don't leave me.)

Ummm... what was I talking about? Oh yes, today's installment of 20 questions. Here we go...

Pistols at Dawn, self-professed jerk, and one of my all time favorite bloggers, writes:

Please tell me the best STD story your "friends" have ever told you. Wait, that's not a question. Can you make it one? That's a question.

I know many of you will find this hard to believe and don't give me any shit about it because it's the truth, but I personally don't know anyone who has fessed up to ever having anything worse than a yeast infection and unfortunately (for the purposes of telling your requested story) those are not typically transmitted sexually.

Try again Pistols:

What was the worst pickup line ever used on you?

Strike two Pistols. I don't have much experience in this arena either. I never really got hit on very much, so my collection of cheesy pick up lines that guys have tried on me is limited to the standard kind that we all have heard, were so bad as to be completely forgotten or simple, brutish references to my rack or his cock.

When I used to go out a lot the bars I frequented were pretty clique-ish so most of the people at these places knew me or knew of my reputation as a "nice girl" - it kept me out of trouble, much to my chagrin. I also had a lot of male friends around which tend to fend off advances from potentially interested dudes.

Moving on...

CDP, who has a lovely blog with some fantastic writing over at (parenthetical) asks:

What cosmetic/skin care/hair product or products are you currently obsessed with?

Excellent question. This is a topic that's dear to my heart - Potions!!

I'm all over Kiehl's Abyssine line of anti-aging goop. These products have allowed me to fool myself, much more easily than similarly priced products, into believing that they are actually working. I have been buying these products on line and using them for years without having ever stepped inside a Kiehl's store, so I was thrilled to disover that limited items from this brand are available at Target.

Lean in a little closer so that I can tell you all about how I snagged what is normally a $32 jar of eye cream that was mismarked on a clearance end cap for $2. Score! God I love Target.

Also - keep your eyes peeled for a hair care brand called Davines (Dah-Ven-Ess), I hereby predict that within a year it'll be all the rage.

Our last question in this installment is from Chris over at The Radloff's Random Midnight Thoughts who wants to know:

What's your favorite drink recipe? I have a new blender, you see, and not much imagination. I needs help.

Fear not Chris. I may not know much about STD's or pick-up lines, but I do know my way around blender drinks. Here are two of my favorite recipes:


Lady's Gotta Smoothie
1 banana (peel it first silly!)
1 juice of one lemon
1 cup of your favorite frozen or fresh berries
1/2 cup ice
1/2 cup orange juice

Add all of that shit to your blender, slowly. Blend and add more shit as the stuff gets blended. Look at you all healthy and shit!

Lets get drunk now... here's a good one for summer:

Watermelon Sloshy (like a slushy, only with booze)
2 cup watermelon (seeded, cubed)
1/2 cup pomegranate juice
1/2 cup ice cubes
1/2 cup vodka (add more if you want, it's your liver)

Blend until slushy. Hammer time.

More questions answered - coming soon!


Renaissance Woman said...

Im going for the slushy tomorrow! Thanks for sharing information on skin care products. Love Target!

evil-e said...

no STD neither.

pick up lines are hilarious....a girl who was my drinking buddy back a few years ago once looked at me and said "that shirt is very becoming on you...if I was that shirt I'd be coming on you!" I nearly spit my beer up. Good stuff.
My personal favorite pick up line, if I ever wanted to use one, would be "do you have stars on your panties, because you ass is out of this world".

Anonymous said...

I don't have any std stories that are very interesting but I was once (and only once) thrown a pick up line that was pretty funny.

I got told, "Hey you! You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen."

This would not be that interesting or note worthy except for the fact the bloke that said it was across the street from me. In the dark.
He must either have double vision, eat a shit load of carrots or be a complete liar.

I vote the last one.

Dr Zibbs said...

You mean you've never heard that classic pickup line, "I want to put this thing in that thing"? (pointing to his groinage then your crothage).

Cayman said...

Worst pick up line ever:
"If milk does a body good, you must have had the whole cow."

*Said to me by a 16 yr old when I was 22, in front of my [now] husband.

Gwen said...

I dove into the shallow end of the dating pool last night just for you. Stay tuned.

I'm making those watermelon thingies. Yum!

Tara said...

Both of those drinks sound delicious.

Some guy tried flirting with me while I was on a walk during a summer day. He was playing with his t-shirt and had it lifted up a bit and was asking me what my name was. He was showing his chest and navel. So hot. Could've been much worse, though.

Michelle said...

I'm trying both drinks! Yum!

I had a guy say to me "You have beautiful blue eyes" which was very nice except my eyes are green.

CDP said...

Excellent! And now I'm going to say "Hammer Time" all day.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

I skipped over the skin care section, but will definitely try the smoothie.

SkylersDad said...

My favorite pickup line was "All those curves and me with no brakes"

I never got laid...

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

RenWoman - I hope the sloshy recipe worked for ya. I love talking about beauty care products, but try not to be annoying about it so I was glad for the opportunity to share.

Evil - that's a really good one - maybe you can use it on Renee just for fun.

SKate - Yeah. Nice try dude. I love that you said "bloke". You're so exotic!

Dr. Zibbs - I've heard similar things and guys may just as well whip out their junk, point to my crotch and grunt "Uhgg!". Same thing.

Cayman - Yes. Please refer to cows when you are trying to give me a compliment. I bet your husband is glad you weren't swept off your feet by that guy.

Gwennie - can I call you Gwennie? Squealing with delight over here and have been checking your blog every hour for some kind of update to this breaking news. DO TELL!!

Tara - I just mistyped your name as I was writing this and wrote "Tart" - now I can't remember what I was going to say about your comment - giggling too hard.

Michelle - I'm sure he was too busy checking out your rack.

CDP - I am in the habit of changing the words to that Hammer Time song and always sing Hammer Toe instead. Try it - it's so much more fun.

BSUWG - I'm shocked that you weren't riveted by it after your confessed obsession with the fancy soaps at the co-op.

Skydad - Yeah, but you didn't have a cool humor blog back then. I'm sure the ladies are lining up now.

pistols at dawn said...

At first, I was upset about you not helping me clear up what this inflamed rash is (asking you is as close as I get to affording healthcare), and not helping me know which of my pickup line classics would work best, but then you saved the day by helping me get ladies drunk. Score!

Gwen said...

You can certainly call me Gwennie, anyone who knows me well and loves me does and I count you in that category.

I'm not ready to tell it publicly yet. It has a sordid side that I'm mulling over how to tell and I won't likely ever see him again which hurts me a little. I have to get my head on straight about it before I tell it. Or you could email me and I could spill privately. guenosdias at prodigy dot net.

Tara said...

Tee hee...Tart. Good times. ;)

Chris said...

Yay! I tried your Watermelon Sloshy and it was great! I had to make a few changes, though...

I didn't have two cups of cubed watermelon, but I DID have a little watermelon schnapps left over behind the fridge from that one party in '98, so I put that in. I don't know what pomegranate juice is, so I just put in some tequila. I figger they both sound kinda Mexican, so they must taste the same. I did have some vodka, so I put that in... I put some rum in, too, 'cause I like rum.

So it was pretty much the same recipe! Tasty. You forgot to mention, though, that you should call in sick for work BEFORE you drink one of these -- you'll never remember the phone number after a sip or two...