Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Patch Key In My Man Hands

Today I am feeling mighty low.

I've got a lot working against my favor as I am recovering from a couple of days with a stomach flu and taking care of MDH who returned home from a Las Vegas red eye flight yesterday with jet lag and a rotten head cold. We've barely spoken because he's been sleeping almost non stop and when he's awake I'm staying the hell away from him so I don't catch his... whatever it is. I slept in the guest room last night.

Then the cashier at the supermarket called me "sir".

Twice.

One time was no big deal, but the second time caused me to question my sexuality and to nearly twist off the rearview mirror in my car in an effort to search my body for signs of a mustache and back hair. Being called "sir" twice in 5 minutes can make a girl a bit paranoid. After I came home and put away the items that needed refrigerated, I abandoned the canned goods on the kichen counter so that I could immediately run to the bathroom to further scrutinize my appearance in the magnifying mirror.

Crazy bitch cashier. There is nothing manly about me.

Even if MDH was feeling up to par this is not a subject I can broach with him. He'd think it was ridiculous and he would be correct.

On a brighter note, yesterday when I was at the salon getting my highlights retouched my stylist Becky offered me something called a Paczki (Patch-Key) and it was fucking delicious. Anyone heard of this? Apparently it's some kind of Polish doughnut made especially for Lent. Anybody ever hear of Lent? This is all new to me. I bought half a dozen cherry filled ones today at the store.

24 comments:

MADAME LA PROF said...

Oh...poor LWDL! There isn't a single thing manly about you! I would just chalk the cashier's nonsense up to her weekend meth habit. I've never heard of these pastries, but then again, there isn't a decent Polish community here. Nature Boy and I hope you and your DH get better soon. If not, I can send you the link to the crazy "witch's brew" I've been taking since early September. This is the first fall/winter in 10 years that I haven't been sick!

Tara said...

I've had those before! The lemon ones are delicious.

I was mistaken for a boy a few times in my life (both times I was wearing a hat that was covering my hair or covering up my short haircut), but not by the same people. That cashier needs to get her eyes checked and her head examined.

i am playing outside said...

haha i've had those before. they are traditionally made with plum jam though. apparently someone has danished up their polish donuts lol

WendyB said...

I want one of those donut things...sir.

Step Right Up said...

Reminds me of my work related equal employment question I asked P last night at Red Lobster. "Do I look white to you?" P stammered, hmmmmmed, and squinted at me across the table like he'd never seen me before and answered, "I think you look hot."

Just like you being called sir, I was thought to be white and I found it mind boggling since most people ask me what nationality I am because I do not look white. I guess from now on I will answer hot.

CDP said...

I might have heard of the Lent thing, sounds vaguely familiar. Whatever those donut things are, they look fabulous, especially the lemon-filled one. I love lemon desserts.

Unless the pictures you've posted are of someone else, than I agree with MLP...she's meth-addicted and vision-impaired.

Linka72 said...

You poor thing you..you should have slapped her..no explanation, just a slap..it does wonders for your attitude..but run away really fast. At least your neighbor doesn't think your husband is your son like mine does..there must be a crazy bitch convention somewhere...oh and those cake things..be still my type 2 diabetic heart!!!

Steffi said...

growing up in the ethic "Ville" I am well aware of all manner of Fat Tuesday (day before lent) treats. Also familar with the fasting/ashes on the forehead that marks the beginning of the lenten season, the day after fat tuesday Ash Wednesday, when the priest slaps ashes on your head ot begin your 40 days of sacrifice and penance. Thank God I am a Catholic in recovery--whew--

steffi said...

ps--is your blog name changing to "gentleman who doesn't lunch?"

and by the way--you are one of the most girly--girls I have have known--no worries my friend--

Leonesse said...

She is just channeling Peppermint Patty.

Suze said...

I'm Polish and Catholic. How is it that I've never heard of this sugary item? I'm going out right now to find one.

Shan said...

Mmmm the lemon ones are my favourite.

evil-e said...

I saw that one picture of you...sir, no sir, definitely a girl...the person behind the counter must have been a complete idiot. Blind perhaps.

I love the Polish donuts...one of the clients delivered about 6 dozen yesterday.

Gwen said...

Ugh. Blow to the ego. Worst kind. She's blind and stupid, you know.

I want a lemon one! I live in a predominantly Eastern European neighborhood and can't wait to ask about those at the bakery across the street. Yum!

WendyB said...

BWAH! Leonesse got it right.

Family Adventure said...

Never had those donuts, but they look delish. Gotta laugh at wendyb, though.

Stupid BLIND cashier, clearly.

Hope MDH feels better soon.

Heidi

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Madame - her pupils were a bit dialated. No thanks on the brew, but you'd better knock on wood.

Tara - A tiny old man at the store was tearing the display apart looking for prune filled ones. I grabbed the cherry and walked away slowly.

Player - Plum sounds much better than prunes.

Wendyb - C'mon over revele is at 0800.

SRU - the man is going to make a good husband if he keeps answering questions like that.

CDP - I'm happy to celebrate religious holidays as long as there is good food involved.

Linka - I'm sure our neighbors think that my husband and I belong in the Slob Olympics.

Steffi - took me a minute to figure out it was you ! I feel pretty girly.

Leo - that makes me hungry.

Suze - I never heard of them either until we moved to a city with lots of Poles. Maybe you've been away from your people for too long.

Shan - they looked good too, but the Prune Guy scared me off.

Evil - for some reason that scored a blush from me. Thanks!

Gwen - you'd be smart to get just one. The box of six was a mistake - I've already eaten two. They're so good!

WendyB - it was a good one.

Heidi - thanks for your well wishes - I hope he gets better soon too. he's like a 300lb whiny baby.

catherinette said...

It could have been worse. The cashier could have asked you when your baby was due. That's bad.

Jamie said...

Day two of no sweets and mmmmmmmmmmmmmm do those look like they are worth sinning for.

Michelle said...

Oh no! Being called "sir" once is bad enough, but twice?! She must've been high or just bored so she decided to fuck with you. I know people who do stuff like that just to do it (?) Anyway, I was introduced to Paczkis by a Polish guy at work a few years ago, he brought a few dozen in on Fat Tuesday and I've been addicted ever since! The ones from a "real" bakery are to DIE FOR!

The Guv'ner said...

If it's made from doughnuts it has my name on it, Sir! :):)

Snort.

pistols at dawn said...

Sometimes, I'm mistaken for a buxom, beautiful lady by passing motorists who are so entranced by my beauty that they pay me to spend some time in their car with them. So I know how you feel: empty and dead inside.

Phil said...

actually, the name is pronounced Poonch-key. It is how poles got rid of fruit, and fat before lent. The Polish start their lent kick off on the Thursday before Ash Wednesday, as opposed to the rest of the Christian world who start on Tuesday. You can get paczki in a number of fruit and creme flavors. They are big in the Detroit, and Chicago areas.

Namaste.

dmarks said...

Are you sure the cashier wasn't Marcie from "Peanuts" ?