Hi! It's so nice to meet you, I'm Insane.

Late on Sunday morning, the coldest day of the year so far at minus 20, we lost power. It was really no big deal to me, but my husband suddenly sprang loose from his moorings on the sofa and began a freak out of epic proportions, convinced that we were sure to freeze to death within the first 15 minutes of being off the grid.

He thinks I don't take these kinds of situations seriously enough. I, on the other hand, think he needs to calm the fuck down.

I humored him for the first half hour by putting on shoes and a cardigan, packing up the cat supplies, and playing along with him as though it was the end of the world by preparing for evacuation or nesting a bunker (I packed sandwiches). He always gets a little nutty during thunderstorms, tornado activity (it only has to be in the same state for him to make us retreat to the basement) and turbulent air travel, but this was his first winter weather related freak out and it threw me for a loop.

I don't get too worked up about losing power. Actually, I lived poor for so long that my first instinct is to check to make sure the electric bill is paid. After that I tend to use a relaxing "wait and see" tactic, which may or may not involve reading a book or magazine by candlelight and has always worked for me in the past.

That is not to say that I'm not proactive and sit passively by. No no. I have devised a plan of action:

Phase One: Relax and read a book or magazine.

Phase Two: Make a hotel reservation in case the power is off for an extended period of time and we really do need to bug out.

Phase Three: Call the power company periodically to listen for restoration updates on a recorded message.

Phase Four: Alternate Phases One and Three as needed.

Phase Five: Cancel hotel reservation when the juice comes back on.

The power was restored after just under 2 hours and the temperature in the house had only dropped down to 64 degrees. We all survived unharmed and without the slightest hint of frostbite, although I seriously considered beating MDH unconscious with my cell phone during the ordeal when he demanded that I call everyone we know to see if they had lost power too.

What good would that have done, now really?

Even if our friends and relations were without power what would we have to discuss? How dark is it where you are? What magazine are you reading? I felt it wiser to save the cell phone batteries for calls of more pressing matters.

Later on that same evening our cable went out and with it our Internet connection. MDH heaved a large sigh and went to bed. It was 6pm. It came back on several hours later, but we've had a shaky connection ever since. With the cable, I mean.

Anyhoo... It all sounds like a good excuse for me not to have posted or written anything for the last couple of days, but it wouldn't be true.

MDH freaks out over random acts of nature over which we have no control and I freak out over things of an internal nature.

I haven't written or posted anything because I'm a whack job, getting whackier by the minute. Every minute of every day that leads closer to 8:30am tomorrow when I report for work for the first time in several months.

Maybe it would be less weird if I'd had a normal job prior to this new one.

I've worked from home for the last 4 years.

At my last job I had no coworkers and only talked to my boss once every couple of months. I didn't even have to get dressed, put on make up or wear shoes. I traveled a lot yes, and I wore shoes for that, but when I wasn't on the road I was here in this very same spot where I'm typing this very second.

Tomorrow begins a lifestyle of all new rituals that involve showering every morning at the same time, wearing clothes, making sure the car has plenty of gas and then driving it to a big building. Of course then I'll probably have to get out of the car and interact with people.

I've been working some job or other since I was 13 years old. I have done just about everything short of hooking and stripping:

Babysitter

Housekeeper - it was my parents house but hey, they paid me for it and I will tell you that I was so good at it that within weeks after I quit to go to college my mother hired a maid.

Made Muffins in Dixie Cups with a mircowave in an appliance store (I don't really know the job title for this one)

Retail Cashier

Recovery Specialist - this is the person who goes around with a shopping cart and puts the merchandise in the store back where it belongs when asshats change their minds and just drop shit randomly wherever they happen to be.

Retail Manager - at a kitchen supply and specialty coffee store where I was fired for allegedly having friends in the store after hours. It was untrue, but I got shit canned anyway.

Secretary at a fire restoration company where I was fired for allegedly being rude to a customer, but it also happened the same week that my boss, the owner's wife, found out that her husband had mauled and tried to kiss me one evening when he drove me home from work. I should've known his motives. Bastard.

Accounts Payable Clerk where I was fired for not getting an executive's end of year expense report in on time. We actually did the expense reports for these useless retarded worms because they were too stupid and lazy to do them by themselves. He hadn't given me all of his receipts until it was too late and I tried to cover it up for him. My bad. On the upside, this is the job where I met Amy.

Secretary for a small contractor - one of the best jobs I have ever had. I was the only woman among 20 or so nasty men that I adored and who mostly adored me. I picked up the fun nickname "Crazy Bitch", but this company had tuition reimbursement which enabled me to go back to school and get my degree.

After that I had various IT jobs:

• Website Designer - boring and lonely
• IT Specialist - my boss was a mean old toad
• EDI Coordinator - same mean old toad boss
• Software Trainer/Veterinary Practice Consultant - traveling around to Vet Clinics probably in a town near you

Starting tomorrow I'm going to sit in a woven polyester cube, mining data and whipping out spreadsheets for 9 to 10 hours a day.

Lot's of other people do this, right?

I snagged the graphic at top from here.