Nobody In Their Right Mind Would Need This - Special SkyMall Edition

It has been quite awhile since I've been inspired by a product so dumb that I am moved to actually get up off my ass and then sit back down again in my office chair and create a post about it, but here it is:

The "Head Spa Massager"

Brought to you by the brilliant minds at SkyMall:

What fool can resist Italian design when paired with Japanese engineering?

Please, pretty please wear it to work.

I understand that times are tough so if you crave ownership of this lovely gadget but cannot afford $49.99 + shipping give me a call and I will personally come to your home, hand you a glass of red wine, put a spaghetti strainer on your head and knock you around a little bit until your blood circulation improves and you feel more relaxed.

I'm here to help.

The News Roundup

Pardon me won't you while I cram about 15 days worth of blog posts into one. I'm all economical and shit like that these days.

1. I don't want to intrude on Some Guy's blog topic turf because, of all of the people in my particular section of blogland, he is the resident expert on documentary films, but I'm piping in with my 2 cents because in the past 10 days or so I've seen 2 terrific documentaries. I haven't noticed that he has mentioned them, so I feel compelled to step up. I figure since he didn't mention them that perhaps he hasn't seen them and they are both worth watching.

Joe Strummer: The Future is Unwritten (2006) - An intensive biography of Joe Strummer, narrated by Joe Strummer himself via old interviews and recordings from his radio show. Even if you are a only a marginal fan of Joe Strummer and/or The Clash it's a must see.

I Like Killing Flies (2004) - An unfortunately titled little film about a tiny hole-in-the-wall Greenwich Village diner called Shopsins. The diner, it's quirky owner and his family are a neighborhood institution. The title really turned me off and I almost didn't watch it (except I have that weird obsession with all things New York, so I decided to give it a shot), but I'm glad I did because the film is delightful. I loved this film, but I will never set foot in that restaurant man, no way. Kenny Shopsin can be one scary motherfucker. I'm from Ohio and far too delicate for that big city bullshit.

Both films are available on Netflix.

2. My contract has been extended until the end of July, after which time it can be extended no further and I shall be let go due to a corporate policy limiting contracts to a year and a half.

If I don't find permanent work soon come July I will be cast out like a bad penny. Wait, that sounds wrong. I've got some phrases mixed up. Cast out like a bad apple? No. I'm definitely a good apple, but I'll be cast out like... um...oh whatever - it sucks donkey dongs because I really like my job. So put that in your hat and smoke it.

3. I have applied for another position that has recently opened in my department. I know more about the competition this time so although I'm going to pull out all the stops I'm not going to get my hopes up quite so much as I did last time. It is very early in the process and I don't know yet if I will even be asked to interview, but I have begun campaigning. Hard. I need a new suit and all the trimmings (yeah shoes!).

4. I have informed the co-worker friend who bugged me every day and drove me so crazy when I applied for the other position a few months ago that I referred to her on this blog as a "nosy twat", that if she so much as lifts an eyebrow in my direction that seems remotely as though she wants to ask me if I've heard anything about the job that I will punch her right in the throat and never speak to her again.

OK. Not really.

Punching her in the throat is Plan B, but I did inform her of the new situation (figuring she'd hear about it from someone else and turns out she already knew that I applied. How? How?), reminded her of how much she upset me previously, told her that I did not wish to discuss it with her ever and asked her (nicely) not to attempt to bring up the subject with me. Ever.

5. MDH is in Indianapolis for the weekend for the college basketball thingy. I'm naturally beside myself with glee to have the house to myself for a few days. Here's a quick rundown of how I've spent my weekend so far.

Friday Night - total TV fest. I watched all the vagina shows that MDH hates so very much including a new series called Running In Heels, and a French subtitled movie called Toi et Moi (2006) about two sisters living in Paris and the all trials and tribulations of their vaginas. I had cold cereal for dinner. It was fabulous.

Saturday - Awoke at the crack of dawn, showered and tarted myself up for a successful day of serious suit shopping. The last mall of the day has a little take out Thai place that cooks the food from scratch while you wait. There are no heat lamps or sweating metal trays filled with simmering goop. No. They cook that shit right in front of you on a big Vulcan stove top with real pots and pans and utensils and everything.

I ordered a Green Chicken Curry and it was fantastique! Mwah! (Imagine I have just gathered all of the fingers on my right hand together into a point, brought them to my lips and blew a big kiss, a la cartoon chef.)

In the evening I talked to my best friend Amy on the phone for a very long time and afterwards blissfully played the Sims 2 without interruption until the wee hours of the morning. It was the kind of day that my dreams are made of.

Sunday - It's still happening so I really can't say for certain, but I envision something similiar to Friday except interspersed with laundry, bathroom cleaning activities and a Lindt chocolate bunny. Good times.

The Music In Me

Things are pretty busy around here this week as MDH prepares for his big annual meeting in Dallas. Basically he has to qualify all the work he did in 2007 in front of his colleagues in the form of an hour long presentation. He has to puff it all up and make it look good, so he's been squirreled away in our home office this week doctoring it all and wrapping it in a big bright ribbon.

He likens it to that scene in Animal House where they all sit around and throw beercans at the projection screen. It can make or break a career so it has to be spot on.

Anyhoo... I've only been able to write or read blogs in small snatches throughout the day when he takes a break.

So since I haven't the time to write very much I'll give you all some tunes that I have plucked from my iTunes library, some of my old favorites.

You should be able to download by clicking on them:

Neighborhood by Space - this is just a silly song that sounds spooky at the same time. It always makes me laugh.

Vanishing Girl by Dukes of the Stratosphear - if this sounds familiar it's because it's the members of XTC in a little side project they did awhile back. The rest of the album, Chips from the Chocolate Fireball, is fantastic.

American Dreaming by Dead Can Dance - from their live album Toward the Within. It's the only song on the album that doesn't sound like it was recorded by banshees in a graveyard.

Primative Painters by Felt - this is a band that an old boyfriend turned me onto many, many years ago. It's a long song, and best listened to with headphones or a few candles lit for a nice make-out session. You can almost smell patchouli when you listen to it and I hope that doesn't keep you from giving it a whirl.

Sunlight Bathed the Golden Glow also by Felt - I thought I'd throw this in too so you can hear the contrast between this one and Primitive Painters.

Queen Bitch by David Bowie - it is officially the most played on my iPod and I talk about it all the time so I figured it was time to share with those of you who haven't been blessed to rock out to it. I don't use the expression "rock out" very often, so you know I love this damn song.

American Women - Butthole Surfers - My friend John shaved my hair into a mohawk and died the tips yellow and the sides bright pink before I went to this show in 1988. I do not remember anything else about the about the show or the rest of the evening. It's a sentimental old favorite and representative of a small period of time in my youth, but I won't be upset if you hate it.