Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Yeast Pilot

They won't have me to kick around anymore... fuckers.

I didn't mean you. You are lovely and not a fucker. Not at all. I love you man. No the fine folks at Large Corporation are the fuckers. You are marvelous. And looking fantastic by the way - have you lost weight? Well, whatever you're doing, keep it up, I'm serious, you look great.

Anyhoo... my last day at Large Corporation is Friday and I have mixed feelings about it. OK. Not really. My feelings are not mixed. I'm feeling pretty solidly shitty about it from all angles. I've been furiously looking for another job and have had a couple of interviews recently, but at the moment I'm in that place where I really hate to be - in suspense.

The world has gone all topsy-turvey, I'm at sea and have no idea what my future holds. It's frightening. The only thing I know for certain is that I cannot work for Large Corporation anymore. Fuckers. Not you.

Meanwhile I'm trying to make the best of a sorry situation and have been socializing like crazy and exchanging digits (in case my elderly uncle Dan is reading this - Uncle Dan I'm referring to phone numbers and email addresses, not fingertips, calm down old man) with my fellow contractors and we have been meeting for drinks after work on an almost weekly basis. Drinking is fun!

Also fun, last Wednesday instead of going out for drinks after work my fellow contractor friend, and soon to be married lady, Ladette and I threw back a couple of margaritas at my place and I gave her a cooking lesson. Under my careful tutelage she made baked rigatoni and a gorgeous Caesar salad. Overall it was a win-win situation. She got to learn 2 easy recipes that she will be able to use the rest of her life from the short-cut master (Rachel Ray and her 30 Minute Meals can suck my balls) and I got to pompously bluster on and on about how smart and great I am and showcase all of my excellent kitchen gadgetry.

In other news - I need to make an announcement to some folks who are contributing to news stories about the economy, I think I know who you are, and it goes a little something like this:

Please stop claiming that every kind of sales industry is a barometer by which we can measure economic recovery. So far I've heard stories about how monitoring the heightening or declining sales of heavy equipment, lipstick, home furnishings, and now the last straw - today I heard a story about how the sales of men's underpants is an economic barometer. It's not. I promise you it's not. At least not more than the sales of anything else.

When the the news story referred to the MUI, a.k.a. the Men's Underwear Index I swear that my head burst into flames. Stop it all of you.

Now that I've got that off my chest, and thank you for listening, I can tell you about Yeast Pilot.

Well, actually I can't tell you very much about Yeast Pilot except that I have no idea what it means, but it was written in dry erase marker on the schedule board of the woman who sits in the cube next to me and I must have walked by and read it about 100 times last week.

Intriguing no? Say it with me... Yeast Pilot.

Most likely it's some new kind of nutritional supplement that Large Corporation is planning to produce and market to whoever they market that stupid shit to.

I however have decided that it is a terrific new slang insult.

Douchbag? So passe.

Say it with me again - Yeast Pilot.

All the cool kids will be saying it.

15 comments:

CDP said...

Oh, this sucks. But Yeast Pilot? Excellent. I was actually going to Google the term if you hadn't defined it, so I'm gratified to know that it's not something I should have known, but I'll be saying it often.

I'm jobhunting now too, and I had forgotten how much it sucks waiting around hoping to hear back from someone. I hope things go well for you. Meanwhile, tell your soon to be former overlords at Large Corporation to go fuck themselves. That's from me, and I meant it to sting.

CDP said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CDP said...

Sorry, I felt SO STRONGLY about that last comment that I posted it twice.

SkylersDad said...

I am a former yeast pilot, and large corporation needs to know they dont have what it takes to dispense Vagisil like a trained dude like me.

Over 50 missions into the valley of fungus and I have lived to tell the tale.

In more serious news, good luck with the job hunt, and you will be better off. large corp was sucking your soul.

Helen said...

I will totally start calling people Yeast Pilots from now on!

Good luck with all the changes! Jsut don't become an analyst for the MUI!

Gwen said...

Large Corporation is clearly run by a gaggle of idiotic yeast pilots.

Good luck to you, Lady! You are magnificent and someone (not a yeast pilot) will recognize this and hire you ASAP.

BeckEye said...

Good luck in your job hunt! I may join you out there pounding the pavement soon, because I have to get out of my job before I literally kill my boss.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

CDP - I'm so over Large Corporation. They would have to beg me. Maybe not. Job searching sucks so bad - I wish you all the best and may we both find the jobs of our dreams - cheers!

Skydad - I had no idea you were maintaining a vagina. You make it sound like an episode of Dirty Jobs. Maybe it is kinda like that...

Hi Helen - I personally haven't yet used Yeast Pilot, at least not out loud. Let me know how it works out for you :)

Gwen - thanks my darlin' - I thought for awhile that it would be nice to work there - stable, you know? But they are all bogged down with useless corporate goo and nothing ever changes or gets accomplished. It's all just noise. Weird. I like working either working for myself or for smaller companies. I feel like I have more control.

Beckeye - I don't want to hear about you on the news after you've gone postal. Calm down - the right thing is out there. It has to be, right?

i am playing outside said...

BAHA Yeast Pilot. I swear to god, if this thing happens, I'll be banging on your door for your autograph [and booze!]

Churlita said...

I'm sorry you have to look for a job right now. I hate that process. Good luck.

dguzman said...

Came here from CDP's bloggy and oh-so-glad I did, especially since I knew right off that Large Corporation was the fucker. I've worked for Large Corporation (a different one, but they're all the same--fuckers) myself, and they are fuckers.

I too am jobhunting after relocating to the North Bay area of San Francisco. Right now, pretty much everyone's a fucker (except you and CDP) (and my mom).

Fucking yeast pilots.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Lady, Yeast Pilot is my favourite post name probably EVER in the history of ever. And fuckers might be my favourite word! Or at least my most used one.

I think "yeast pilot" might be the name of that lady's hand as she is inserting her suppository.

Lynn said...

I am fairly new to your blog and enjoy your posts.

You mentioned you like working for yourself. Is that something you could do until the ideal opp. comes along?

I didn't look to see where your location is. It's a full time job looking for a job, as i'm sure you're aware.

Is your resume spiffed up? Does it look like you ran the f__k_ng company?

!Headhunter!

Trauma Diva said...

Freaking hilarious post. Thanks for sharing. I couldn't wait to find out what the title meant. Great new insult!

BTW best of luck in the job hunt. If you give up, healthcare is always looking for good eggs.

Linka72 said...

I wonder if it's like a "Stone Temple Pilot"..ehh
anyway, I'm all late on my comment..because I work for TWO Large Corporations and they work me like a dog..fuckers...they probably fuck dogs too..yeck

Good luck Lady