Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Nobody In Their Right Mind Would Need This - Lucky #13 Edition

His & Hers Bingo Masks
I love making fun of old people just as much as the next jerk, but it's hard enough to breathe at bingo with all of the cigarette smoke without wearing a rubber mask. Besides you wouldn't be able to see properly through those eye holes to plop your marker on the right numbers. You'd just make a damn mess.

I also think the hats are a little redundant. Of course you love bingo. You wouldn't be there if you didn't. I'd like to see a hat that conveys a more honest message, like "I Smoke and I've Got a Gambling Problem" or "This Is the Only Time I Ever Leave the House and My Kids Never Visit" but I guess there isn't enough space.

Waistband Extenders
Also known as Buy Some New Pants, Fatass. It's better than muffin top, but only marginally.

At only $3.95 a pop I suppose it's more economical than buying new pants, but really, just go ahead and unbutton your pants. You know you want to. Keep an extra set in your pocketbook for Crab Leg Night at the Golden Trough.

Hairstyle Protector
Apparently Adriana Lima was busy so they had to hire an artist to draw it instead. It appears to be made entirely of spider webs.

26 comments:

WendyB said...

Thanks for the links...Valentine's day is coming and now I know where to shop.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

WendyB - As always, I'm here to help. I'm honored that a fashionista like you is taking advice from my blog. You're quite a trendsetter so if you buy them, let me know so I can look for them in W. Adriana Lima will be wringing her hands for having the missed opportunity.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

WendyB - PS I'm envisioning the mask, extenders and spider web shower cap as accessories to those shiny leggings you're such an advocate of.

Tara said...

Ew, you're right, that hairstyle protector does look like a web. Blergh!

Step Right Up said...

Those waistband extenders would make excellent gifts for the holidays. The thank yous after the big holiday meal would be endless!

Family Adventure said...

LOL! Those waistband extender Crack.Me.Up!

Heidi

Suze said...

Damn, you mean my hair can stay styled if I just wear the cobweb hat? I'm heading out to buy one now. Can I pick up one for you while I'm out?

Churlita said...

Cobwebs to save my hair. With my hair, I'd try anything.

SkylersDad said...

I just undo my pants, who the hell cares where I am at!

Maybe that's why I am banned from most buffets

evil-e said...

You actually ventured into bingo night? Holy crap....I went once, never again.

I happen to like hats..if ever a bingo playing old fart, I'd be wearing one of those in a slow, elderly heartbeat.

Smitty said...

I have my own waistbander extension trick that doesn't cost anything. I simple cut the waistband on my jeans. I may only need one cut or if their tighter pants I cut both sides. Works like a charm.

i am playing outside said...

hmm... wasitband extenders you say....


lol

Superstar said...

I so could have used those fateners at Thanksgiving meal!!! LOL

OMG the bingo masks??? THAT is so funny. I am with you, they would so get in the way of me winning my next $mill!

I thought it looked more like a shower cap??? Then again, I use a shower cap so I can have my shower in the AM w/out the fuss of doing my hair every dang day!

Cooper Green said...

I guess I don't get bingo. You are saying bingo players go to a bingo hall wearing bingo masks and bingo hats to fool everybody else in the bingo hall into thinking they're playing bingo? They are a devious bunch, these bingoists.

constant_drama said...

The masks are creepy....especially the woman one.

Urrghh..

pistols at dawn said...

Along with the bingo mask, I say they make incredibly topical Milton Berle masks, or maybe Winston Churchill. The kids love that guy.

Betty said...

hahaha, I think I'll be ordering several dozen waist band extenders. that is just too handy to pass up and it's never my arse or my thighs that expand, just my stomach.
highly attractive, too.

The Guv'ner said...

Just for that I'm going to go out and deliberately buy tiny pants for my size 12 ass and a set of expanders so I can kid myself I am a size six. Fantastic!!!! :)

I ain't going to bingo for no man though.

Boy that was good English! Why aren't I teaching?

Michelle said...

The waist extenders are a hoot! But don't laugh, I actually learned that people do that with plain old rubber bands!

CDP said...

You should get a copy of the Vermont Country Store catalog, it will provide you with excellent fodder for this series (which is awesome).

Del-V said...

Wastebands are so restricting. I've began wear sweatpants 24/7.

Dick Small said...

Wow. Those masks are extremely disturbing.

Dick Small said...

... and believe me, I know disturbing when I see it.

rak said...

omg! you are friggin' hilarious!

Eric said...

I don't get it. I am by no means a comedic genius, and I know comedy is a matter of personnal taste so different people find different things amusing, but seriously whose idea was the bingo mask? Who honestly thought that was funny at all, much less funny enough for mass production? Get it, old people like bingo, hilarious. I hate people.

dmarks said...

Maybe those aren't masks: a lot of people look like that :(