I've been sick with a rotten head cold for almost two weeks now. I could see it coming but it was too late, we were surrounded. MDH and I jokingly referred to our train ride home from Chicago as the tuberculosis express because of the freakish amount of open mouthed coughing and sneezing going on around us by what seemed like every single human being seated within a 10 foot radius.By now of course I'm feeling much better, practically back to normal. No more fever and chills but for some reason all the great gobs of snot created during the course of my illness have decided to make a winter nest in my sinuses and just hang around for awhile doing bong hits and watching reruns of Mork & Mindy. So even though technically I guess I'm not sick anymore I remain a disgusting mess and have apparently lost the ability to control all my parts because once at work and numerous times at home I have coughed or sneezed and busted out with an uncontrollably boisterous fart.
At home that's not a big deal. Happens all the time. So much so that I barely notice and most of the time and admittedly, I am probably doing it on purpose or at the very least controlling the volume, force and tempo. Sometimes I even do it timed perfectly to punctuate a fake yet graceful, karate style round house kick to my husbands head or some other equally mature form of physical humor. Ah yes. Those are great moments. When I'm at home.
At home that's not a big deal. Happens all the time. So much so that I barely notice and most of the time and admittedly, I am probably doing it on purpose or at the very least controlling the volume, force and tempo. Sometimes I even do it timed perfectly to punctuate a fake yet graceful, karate style round house kick to my husbands head or some other equally mature form of physical humor. Ah yes. Those are great moments. When I'm at home.The one at work seemed particularly hearty and long lasting and my office is carpeted so there no getting away with trying to scoot my chair all around trying to create a similar noise. Nor could I cover it up with more coughing.
It just happened unexpectedly and I couldn't control it.
The shame of it all. I farted at work and it was loud. People heard it and then pretended like they didn't and I was mortified. Not that I would have warmly welcomed any comments at that particular moment, but still.
The closest I can find to any bright sides to this story is that:
A. At least I didn't crap my pants
It just happened unexpectedly and I couldn't control it.
The shame of it all. I farted at work and it was loud. People heard it and then pretended like they didn't and I was mortified. Not that I would have warmly welcomed any comments at that particular moment, but still.
The closest I can find to any bright sides to this story is that:
A. At least I didn't crap my pants
And
B. In retrospect it's kinda funny and at least funny enough to blog about. Although at the moment it happened I wanted to die.
Anyhoo... it made me think of this Dimitri Martin bit, mainly the part where he talks about how funny farts are by location (starts about 1:44) - it's like 9 minutes but worth it if you haven't seen it and have the time:
B. In retrospect it's kinda funny and at least funny enough to blog about. Although at the moment it happened I wanted to die.
Anyhoo... it made me think of this Dimitri Martin bit, mainly the part where he talks about how funny farts are by location (starts about 1:44) - it's like 9 minutes but worth it if you haven't seen it and have the time:
