I'd Like To Thank My Parents For Making Me Possible

I don't take compliments very well and never have.

Enormous thanks and air kisses are going out to Miss Family Adventure of The Viking Conquest for giving me the Blog Friend Forever award:

"presented to awesome blog owners who keep their readers excited about their posts. Their blog posts are interesting and worth reading and keep their readers looking forward to each and every post."

I'm embarassed ashamed that I haven't yet acknowledged another award given to me earlier this month by the Guv'ner on her Psychotic Secretary blog. I have bad manners, but I'll plead the difficulty taking a compliment excuse here. The fabulous Psychotic Secretary bestowed me with the "I'm Fabulous" award.

Writing as a means of expression is extremely new to me so I'm flattered more than I can say. I haven't written anything other than some technical manuals and text for power point presentations since I wrote captions and shit for my high school year book back in 1985.

In light of all the recent flattery I may soon have to break down and admit that I totally rock, but until then I'll just say what any lady worth her pearls would say when given a sincere compliment:

Oh, this old thing? I got it on sale.

Seriously guys, thanks a lot.

In turn I'm going to reciprocate and give both of these awards to Churlita of Churlish Figure fame. I look forward to reading her blog every day AND she is one fabulous lady who knows how to enjoy a cocktail.

Chutes and Ladders

Soon I may have to change the wording on my banner from "Shrill Reports From A Michigan Housewife" to "Shrill Reports From A Gainfully Employed Lady With A Housekeeper" or maybe just "Shrill Reports" because I really do feel like screaming.

The recruiter called me yesterday and wanted to know what in the world I had done in my interview Monday afternoon. Apparently I knocked their socks off and they want to hire me right away. There is some weirdness to iron out such as the fact that the project I interviewed for has been cancelled. I kind of had a feeling that something was up because the interview was less than 30 minutes and the woman who interviewed me suggested that I look for other jobs in the company.

I asked her point blank if she meant that I wasn't suitable for the job. I had to ask. I mean I was sitting 3 feet away from her and had poured myself into a pair of Spanx (the ones that go all the way up to your boobs - sooo attractive), worn a suit and full makeup so don't bloody tell me I tarted myself all up for nothing. She got all weird and like, "NO!, No no. Not at all I think you are amazing and your skills are perfect." So I'm guessing she knew then that the project was cancelled and decided to interview me anyway.

The recruiter said that they want me but are trying to decide on exactly the right position/project team to put me into.

In the time allotted I did a lot of sock knocking. I was impeccably dressed, my resume was perfect, my manners were perfect. My breath smelled like rainbows and my palms were completely dry. I gave her the spiel I'd practiced about how much I love working with data and being able to transform the data and make it tell a story. I may have lead her to believe that I confuse pivot tables with porn. She was impressed. She was bowled over when I talked about If/Then statements and my love affair with project development.

My recruiter said I'd written the best post interview thank you letter she had ever read and asked me if she can borrow the format for future reference.

Speaking of references - also impeccable - thanks guys!

Things are looking up for me and I expect to be hired by the end of the month.

Funnily enough, I'm writing this post from MDH's laptop in a hotel room in Columbus. Well, that's not funny, but the fact that he has an interview tomorrow morning for an amazing, very well paying dream-type job in Ohio the week I knock an employers socks off is. Well, that's not really funny either. I may find out in the same week that I'm finally employed in Michigan and that my husband is taking a job in Ohio and we are moving again. I think the word I'm looking for here is tragic.

Not.

Funny.

At.

All.

I'm Scintilla Goddammit!

The last time I dressed up for Halloween was 1999 - and here is a picture I found today. I had been dating MDH for about 3 weeks and being seriously smitten with him was more open-minded about doing things I don't normally do, like attend sporting events and wear costumes in public.

MDH dressed as "The Munchies" by making a poncho out of a red and white checked table cloth and gluing snack food to himself, and I, having drawn my typical costume blank, am supposed to be "Eurotrash". I was cute indeed, but what a stupid fuckin' costume. By the end of the evening MDH was picked clean of his snacks and ended up being the most popular guy at the party. I, on the other hand, became belligerent to anyone who looked even remotely like they were going to ask me what I was supposed to be. I eventually just started making shit up or naming characters from Fellini films.

Why have I drawn on his face (so artfully) using Paint? He has asked me not to put up pictures of him showing his full face. Besides I'm still a little miffed about how he hogged the office this week.

I'll be out for awhile as we are leaving tomorrow for the thriving metropolis known as Columbus, Ohio to visit some friends and take care of some business. Tomorrow night MDH and I are having dinner with our favorite couple-friends Dan & Steph. Then Friday night Amy, Becky and I are recreating Girl's Night, without the smokes. I'm beside myself with glee!

Becky, if you are reading this Dan will be attending Girl's Night and you can yell at me about it later. Just like old times.

UPDATE 10-24-07 2:04 PM: I'm having second thoughts about defacing my husbands photograph and am now torn about whether or not it is more disrespectful to deface his picture or to put his un-marred picture up after he asked me not to. At this point though, when I look at the defaced picture up top it is making me laugh so I think I'll leave it up.

UPDATE 10-24-07 2:15 PM: I suddenly remembered that this picture was already on the internet somewhere else - therefore all bets are off with the face. So here is the real picture and I'll leave the defaced picture up because it's still making me laugh. I win all the way round!

UPDATE 10-24-07 2:53 PM: I've danced the hokey-pokey with this post and put it up and taken it down over and over again. This is it - I'm putting it back up, leaving MDH's face drawn upon and taking his word for it when he said he'd never read my blog anyway. You'll just have to take my word for it that he looked really cute that night.

Some Good Can Come Of Being Unemployed

For instance having the time to read and write blog posts. Today, to my delight, Some Guy tagged me. I visit his blog often because he too lives in Michigan, he posts a lot and I like to catch up on the comments, and I think he's funny. I'm quite flattered, as any lady should be, to be noticed by someone I admire.

TO DO: List 5 things you do, did or like that some may consider “totally lame,” but that you are totally proud of. Tag 5 others:

1. This one is easy and so totally lame - I play the Sims 2 and own 10 expansion packs. One of the highlights of my summer was the release of Bon Voyage, so that my Sims could go on vacation. There I've said it. I'm a 40 year old grown up woman who plays with virtual dolls. I have made Sim characters of all my friends and try desperately to keep them alive. Last year my Dan Sim was killed by a meteorite and I had to bring him back to life as a Sim Zombie. It was devastating. Also my Dan Sim's wife Stephanie Sim accidentally fell in love with my Brian Sim (it can happen if you don't pay attention) and now she rings her hands with guilt every 15 minutes or so.

2. I've had the same hairstyle for about 20 years. A short, tidy, blond highlighted bob. Through the years I've mixed it up a bit, the length goes up and down, the highlights may be more brown or red, but it's all just a variation of the blond bob theme.

3. I have an unconscious and magical knack for walking or standing in front of the television at exactly the moment that an amazing sports play is being made. I could be gone all day from the room, but somehow as the amazing pass is being made, or the winning corner kick or slide into the home plate is happening that is when I tend to show up to ask MDH if he wants marinara or clam sauce on his pasta, or complain that he didn't notice my new earrings. The year that the Red Sox ended up winning the World Series I was forbidden to enter or leave the den from the living room entrance. I had to walk to the back of the room and enter and exit from the kitchen on the other side of the room from the TV. It's not so tragic now that we have Tivo.

3. I have a subscription to New York magazine. In fact I heart New York magazine. That's probably not so lame until you know this: I have never been to New York and haven't any plans to visit in the near or distant future. I have been to New York once, but it doesn't really count because I was 16 and riding a bus from Newark Airport to JFK. Regardless, I enjoy knowing about all the hot new restaurants where I will most likely never eat and the price of condos in Chelsea. Each week when the magazine arrives I immediately flip towards the back to check out the Approval Matrix and then do the crossword in the back with a pen (and finish it).

4. I have a teapot collection. Very few know about it because #1, it's lame, and #2, I don't want the people I love to give me unattractive teapots as gifts. I'll keep them, of course, but they will go directly into storage in the basement. The collection is very specific, only usable pots with no decoration or cheap slogans on them. My mother has been the most guilty of buying these for me so I lied several years ago and told her that I don't collect them anymore. I'm not only lame, but a lying ingrate.

5. I am an excellent public speaker and have spent the last five years in a career that requires me to lasso large crowds of people and be the center of their attention for days at a time. Being good at this came as a huge surprise to me as I spent my high school years as a shy, chubby Daria-like girl who barely spoke to anyone. Back then a good day for me was when nobody noticed me.


The 5 people I will tag:
Playtah, Rachel, The Guv'ner, Dmarks, & Laaw-yuhr

I'm not sure if all of these folks are regular enough readers of mine to know they are tagged, so we'll see what happens. It's not like a chain letter is it? I wouldn't want to wish bad luck on them for not responding.

OH - and HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL!

1300 Reasons To Love Casinos

And they all say "In God We Trust".

Yep, this weekend MDH and I were treated to an invitation only soiree for the high roller status members of the new gambling establishment about a 2 hour drive from our house. They made an offer a single income family, one Target trip away from financial despair and starvation, couldn't refuse. Two actually. A free junior suite and a free steak dinner. The junior suite was about 700 square feet (bigger than my old apartment) with a jetted tub, separate shower for two, separate WC, two flat screen HD TV's and an iPod docking station. The steak dinner turned out to be a 28-day dry aged filet so tender I could cut it with my fork. We also got 8 free top-shelf drinks so - cheers!

That's all great stuff, but it gets even better. If you've never been to a non Las Vegas casino you may not understand, but when MDH and I go to these types of places we are no longer the fattest, most un-hip people on the planet. In fact the moment MDH and I step into any number of casinos in Michigan, Indiana or even Canada we are the youngest, most fashionable, most attractive people there. Amid the uncombed, the combed over, the sweatsuited, the toothless, the fanny packed, and the holiday sweatered, we are downright dazzling.

I thought that last night would be different since we were at a VIP event in an elegant restaurant with only about 50 other couples. To my delight not so. We arrived for cocktail hour to discover a sparkling, softly lit space filled with formally attired casino staff members in tuxedos and evening gowns ministering to a roomful of the same types of unkempt zombies we always see farting around the casino. It was bizarre, confidence building and so very entertaining.

As we stood sipping our drinks and sampling the various snacks being offered, MDH and I watched fascinated as a cater waiter with a silver tray of oyster shooters, in some kind of fennel infused cream, approached a man wearing a dirty trucker hat (yes, indoors), a sideless shirt that I guessed he had earned by sending in cigarette carton proofs of purchase 15 years ago (when he lifted his beer to his mouth armpit hair was visible), jean shorts with hanging fringe and dirty flip-flop sandals. Sideless Marlboro and his female companion Split End Ponytail, decked out in the tightest white tapered jeans I have ever seen, some kind of sports jersey and grayish Keds, rolled their eyes at each other as they listened to the waiter describe the milky treat. When he was finished they made sour scary faces as if the waiter had asked them if they wanted to sample a sip of Draino.

The oyster turn down is understandable because many people including me find them repulsive. But a simple no thank you works wonders. No need to roll your eyes all up in your head and make faces and gagging noises. Similar reactions were elicited by Sideless and Split End to the other concoctions offered. Blinis with smoked salmon and some kind of creamy fluff, Tempura lump crab puff with asian chili chutney, medalions of brown sugar braised beef. C'mon people! Not even the braised beef? Reverse snobs they were.

We spent dinner and a good part of the rest of the evening wondering all about Sideless and Split End. Were they staying in the same kind of swanky junior suite as us or did they turn their noses up at that too? When they stay in hotels (or motor inns) do they unpack and hang up their clothes? What kind of appetizer would they have preferred? (My guess was Cool Ranch Doritos and Corn Nuts) Did they send back their medium rare filets and ask them to be well done? Were they on special diets? Have they spent all their money at the casino and thereby have enough points to qualify for elite status, but have to wear rags to all of the VIP events?

All in all we had a wonderful time. It's a drag to stay in a hotel all by yourself, especially when you do it all the time. So it was lovely to stay in such a nice hotel suite with MDH.

Oh, and I won $1300 at 25 cent video poker by landing a royal straight flush.

ps - don't ask how we have elite status - we just do