Wednesday, September 21, 2011

You Complete(ly Annoy) Me


I don't know why I insist on watching any romantic comedies made after whatever year When Harry Met Sally came out*.  Don't they all mostly suck?  They meet cute, one or both parties carry out some ridiculous lie  or humiliating bet and most of the story and supposed-to-be-hilarious stunts are all based on support and cover up of the ridiculous lie or humiliating bet.  There's usually some kind of lip synced into a hair brush dance number performed in pajamas or underpants and a convoluted "hey I was only lying to you all this time and making both of us look like idiots because I really, really love you and isn't that the most important message in this movie?" 

The pivotal moment of the modern American romantic comedy says, "Hey, I'm not a jackass, you're the jackass if you can't forgive me for loving you so much.  Aren't we both douchbags who deserve each other?" 

As often as not there's a separation period where they show the guy disheveled and living amongst pizza boxes and beer can pyramids, and the girl is doing her best to carry on with her life amongst vignettes of her in pajama pants (again with the pajama pant shame), shoveling ice cream into her sad mouth, or of her wistfully eyeing the PDA's of other couples while moping around Central Park.

I know the drill and yet whenever MDH is out of town damn if I'm not getting my fill of horrible romantic comedies on cable.  It's like a disease.  They always make me mad and yet here I am again bitching this time about the drivel I just watched called "Something Borrowed".  Maybe I should just avoid any movie with Kate Hudson in it (except she was so freaking awesome in Nine!).

I indulged in a desperately needed cleanse of my psyche afterwards by watching a fine documentary film called Bill Cunningham New York.  You should watch it if you get the chance.

In other news:

  • Apartment life kind of rocks.  If something breaks I make a call and someone comes to fix it.  Like, that same day!  Not even that - if a light bulb goes out someone will come and change it.  To take it one step further I called maintenance to have them remove the dark freckly pool of dead bugs at the bottom of one our ceiling light fixtures - and they actually came and took care of it!!  Schweet.
  • As cool as it is to have an entire fleet of maintenance workers and grounds keepers at my beck and call there is a downside to apartment living in the form of annoying neighbors.  In particular some douchbag with the noisiest truck I've ever heard that he seemingly rumbles around the apartment complex in wide circles (puffed with pride at the sound of his loud, loud big man machine, no doubt massaging his very tiny cock the whole while ) stopping periodically under our dining  room window (because it's near the security gate) and then revving the engine several times before peeling out to terrorize the larger world with his horrible tranportation choice.  We literally have to pause the TV and stop all conversation and then peel the cat off the ceiling after the inevitable engine rev.  We know his schedule as if we lived next to a train station.  I loathe this person.
  • A week or so ago some of my family came to visit in form of my crazy aunt Libby, her daughter (who is my cousin, but I refer to her as "my sister" quite a bit on this blog) and her daughter (who is my second cousin but I refer to always as my niece and she has always called me Aunt Lady).  Aunt Libby is the one that came down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast in her housecoat (she called it a "dressing gown". I don't care what you call it, housecoat, dressing gown... inappropriate.) and no dentures in.  Anyhoo... we had a lovely visit.  We worked out when would be the best time for their visit and planned fun things to do while they were here.  It was glorious and I couldn't have asked for a better visit.
  • In two days my brother in law Miami is coming to stay with us "for awhile".  I don't know much more than that.  It's all news to me because I just found out a few days ago that he's coming.  I don't know exactly when he will arrive and he has not been forthcoming with the exact date of his departure.  "For awhile" is all I've been told.  I'm frightened.  MDH is frightened.  Miami is a goodfella type who will ruin my life for the duration of his stay.  He got angry when MDH told him he had to smoke outside and I consider this a bad start.  Best case scenario - he'll dominate the TV and I'll miss the last few episodes of Project Runway.  Worst case scenario - he will be here for weeks and weeks and bring well dressed criminals and prostitutes into my home and they will smoke cigarettes together in my guest room and I will have to burn my 600 thread count Egyptian cotton bedsheets.  Worst-worst case scenario - someone will get stabbed and I will have to burn my fancy guest towels and somehow I will end up in prison because nothing, nothing is ever Miami's fault.
Please note that this post does not contain the word "fuck" or many other of my most favorite swear words and swear word combinations.  It was not intentional, which makes the absence of these words all the more intriguing, no?
*There are some that I really like, like for instance Fever Pitch with Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore.  I don't know that it's technically a good movie necessarily, but that doesn't stop me from watching it every time it's on.  I also loved 500 Days of Summer.

8 comments:

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Hilarious. I am similar. I loathe romcoms. On principle at least. When I'm tired and it's winter and I'm bored/lonely/depressed/fed up/in need of comfort/insert other patheticism here I like to curl up on the couch in my pajamas with a bad rom com. Because they ARE bad. And easy. And involve no thought. And sometimes leave you feeling a bit fluffier.

But I'm sick of them portraying women as designer clothing wearing, perfect looking losers whose only concern is the man in their lives or how to get/keep one. It's horrible.

And I don't object to formula being followed so long as it has some other redeeming feature like being ACTUALLY funny, such as "Bridesmaids" or actually have some kind of interesting take on matters. But 90% of them do not.

THEN occasionally one comes along that is so heinous that I feel as insulted as if someone came along in person and slapped me right in the face, with their underpants, in public. Things like "Confessions of a Shopaholic" (Just...there is no word in existence for how abysmal that movie was) or "He's Just Not That Into You" (so many wrongs I can't even begin to explain and I lose all faith in humanity. Guilty pleasures are fine but being assaulted by a movie is not

Um...good luck with Miami. :)

Dale said...

I can't wait to see this documentary, thanks for posting the link, the trailer is intriguing!

kirby said...

I don't know if they qualify as romantic comedies, but the minute my guys are out of the house I turn on Merchant Ivory shit like Room With a View or any one of the three hundred adaptations of the novels of Jane Austen. My son knows the quickest way to piss me off is to start doing his mocking, "I say, Mr, Knightly" routine. Still, I don't think putting Goldie Hawn's dipshit daughter in an empire waist would make her even remotely watchable.

Oh, and you nailed the one problem with apartment living, the noise. Fucker with the noisy truck ought to die of dick herpes.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Veg - I try to stop myself from doing it, but I keep doing it. I don't seem to have the same problem with other types of bad movies, just romantic comedies.

Dale - He's a facinating guy... well I guess they both are, Bill Cunningham and Miami.

Kirbs - Dude! I own only 10 DVD's and 4 of them are Ivory Merchant films. TCM had Ivory Merchant Month this September and I got to see some films I had never seen before such as The Decievers, The Europeans and Quartet. Remains of the Day, Howards End and Room With a View are 3 of my favorites of all time. These films never make me angry like dumb American rom-com. PS - our douchebag neighbor with the loud truck must have gone away for the weekend. We haven't heard hide ner hair of him since Thursday night.

Dale said...

Just now finished the Bill Cunningham doc and it was excellent! Thanks for the recommend. What a unique fella.

Michelle S said...

I admit it. Lifetime Movie Network. Especially around the holidays when I am elbow deep in cookie dough and chopped celery....

Coaster Punchman said...

One of my favorite movies of all time is "Blast from the Past." You should watch it if you have not. Then let's dish.

I have a strange feeling I've seen this NY doc you speak of but I will have to double check.

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