Friday, October 1, 2010

Stay Away From Children

A few months have gone by and I'm settling into my new position at Large Corporation quite nicely. My new job isn't as data oriented as my last job, but you know what? It's far more fun to do and suits my skill set much better.

When I say my job is fun to do, that actually might be taking things a bit far, but certain aspects of my job are slightly amusing sometimes. Mainly because one of the many things my new job requires me to do is oversee translations for... hmm... you know I don't even know how many languages... too many to count, so let's just say all of them. I don't speak or read most of these these languages, or to be more precise, none of them. I don't speak or read any of these languages and yet it is my job to ensure that the translations make sense, follow regional legal requirements and standards and fit in the space provided. Whee!! See what I mean? Fun.

Mostly I make sure all this stuff is right by communicating with the people in the other countries and hoping like hell that they know what they are doing. Along the way I have learned some fascinating new stuff with which to pollute my brain tissue, for instance:
  • The Swedish word for humidity is fuktighet. Say it with me, fuck tight.
  • It can take up to 2 years to register new consumable products in either Indonesia or Malaysia, I can't remember which one, but that's a long fucking time. Jesus.

  • Fuck them.

  • Spanish and Portuguese are practically identical. I can hardly tell them apart. I like to call it Spanaguese.

  • Sometimes I cheat a little and use Google Translate to spot check and once typed in what was supposed to be Romanian for "keep out of children's reach" and it translated to, "stay away from children". Good idea.

In other news, I have nicknamed one of my new co-workers Hipster McKnowItAll, for what I think may be obvious reasons, so I won't bother to explain it to you in graphic detail as if you were a nitwit, because I'm learning recently, first hand, how very annoying that can be. I will tell you this: she's an obnoxious 23 year old, who never runs out of ways to insert how she has lived in France* into unrelated conversations. She doesn't seem to realize that anyone else on earth or in America, aside from her has ever been to France and almost every day there is some point at which, I want to stab her in the face. Shut up kid.

While I'm speaking of my little hipster, know-it-all friend, I would also like to make the observation that isn't it odd how people who one might consider to be a hipster often themselves express annoyance of hipsters? No one ever owns their hipster-ness.

Let's see what else...oh yes, next month my whole department is moving to a different building in the complex. Our big boss manager lady just informed us the other day that the new cube configurations are going to have only 3 foot walls. This news seemed to bum everyone out, but frankly I don't give a shit as long as my new cublicle isn't right next to the kitchen like where I sit now. It stinks. Sometimes it smells nice, like the when the nice person makes cinnamon toast every day at 9:05 (you know who you are and I lurve you), but mostly it's burnt popcorn and god only knows what. People heat up some weird shit. I swear the other day someone microwaved a giant fart. I had to leave the area for awhile. Perhaps it was brussels sprouts, who can say? Either way I'd like my cube as far away from the fucking kitchen as humanly possible please.

Anyhoo... that's it for now. It's Friday, MDH just put some burgers on the grill (which smell fantastic BTW and not at all like brussels sprouts**) and I'm going to enjoy a nice cold beer before it starts snowing. I realize that it's only October 1st, but hey, it's Michigan, it could happen.

Bon week-end!

*for 6 months as part of a student exchange program - get over it!

**I happen to love brussels sprouts, but they reek, as do all other people's left overs. That's just the law of nature - only your own left overs smell good - they reek to everyone else.


Dan said...

Stuff Hipsters Hate?

Other Hipsters

Anonymous said...

Oooh, may I suggest a new nickname for Frenchie? How about Little Miss Frere Jaques? Or better yet, Miss Cabot. Subtle, she won't know what the hell you're talking about, and you'll never be able to talk to her again without thinking of Sebastian "Mr. French" Cabot.

Frenchie said...

Next time she brings it up, smile and say to her "Va te faire enculer". It literally means "go get yourself fucked up the ass". :-)

Renaissance Woman said...

I love the new look! And I love the advice from Frenchie...may use that in my job.

CDP said...

I can't even tell you how often hipsters of my acquaintance express their annoyance at other hipsters. It must be a hipster affliction, not to know that one is oneself a hipster.

Holy shit. Maybe I'M an annoying hipster!

SkylersDad said...

I hope your new cube is right where you want it, far away from the microwaved road kill grill!

Fickle Cattle said...

How does that job even work? I'd probably go insane on the first day.

I am Fickle Cattle.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Hey Dan - I have yet to check out that link - but I will.

Kirbs - I can't use Frenchie 'cause I already have a friend with that handle - I gave it to her because she teaches high school French and she too has lived in France and you know what? She rarely mentions it and that's awesome.

Frenchie - mostly I just ignore her and frankly if I tried to use your clever and insulting phrase, and it is delicious, she would probably just correct my pronunciation. She is THAT annoying.

RenWoman - I thoroughly encourage you to try it and then please let me know how that pans out.

CDP - I thought the same thing, but I think the official age at which you become ineligible to be considered a hipster is 30. After that age, if one meets any of the hipster criteria, I think it more likely one would be considered an idiot. Or maybe a perv.

Skydad - it's noisy too 'cause that's where people tend to gather and chat. I have absolutely no hope of getting near a window, but it would be so great if I could be away from the kitchen. Fingers crossed!!

Hi Fick - welcome to my blog! It's kind of like being a project manager, only the projects I manage are artworks and label translations. It's actually pretty fun (to me, cause I'm freakishly organized) and I get to talk to people all over the world.

roses said...

I appreciate these comments. From

Anonymous said...

So how about posting the BEST B SPROUTS EVER recipe.. I still dream of it... miss you!

Churlita said...

Your job sounds pretty interesting. Reading and Spanish and Portuguese is pretty similar, but speaking them is totally different. The Portuguese love their szhwa, szhwa sounds and it's hard for Spanish people to understand that.

Mnmom said...

How many hipters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's a really obscure number and you've probably never heard of it.

I have absolutely no patience for young hipsters. Hold down a job, pay a mortgage, have a few kids, lose a parent, etc. Then we'll see how cool you are.

Prius Envy said...

I embellished my resume just a bit by saying I was fluent in Spanish. I don't speak Spanish, I can barely speak English.

I "lived" in Spain in the same kind of way Hipster Knowitall lived in France. In the it-doesn't-really-count kind of way.

Had I known two years later that more than half of my job duties would be translating Spanish documents, I would have... (I can't even figure out how to translate my witty retort).

-Bianca and the Girls with Prius Envy

another good thing said...

I have so missed reading you.... damn facebook stole my brain.
are you a monthly blogger now? ;-)

Donovan said...

I am a new visiter to the blog (found it through a google search for my name, and yes I was featured in July 2007 post on funny names). Great job, I will be visiting again. Thanks!

Coaster Punchman said...

I lived in France.

And I've missed you terribly. I just read Poor George your bit about microwaving a giant fart. Now he's a fan, too.