Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The News Round Up - Soup, Cake, Drugs, Financing

1. Late Saturday afternoon my friend Rachel called just as I was in the throes of preparing the last big pot of soup (Portuguese Kale Soup) of the year, as it is now if not actually Spring, it is at least Spring-like and getting warmer and who needs big bubbling pots of hearty soup when it's warm out? Anyhoo... I heard the phone ring and hollered out to MDH from the kitchen that if it's for me tell whoever it is that I'm elbow deep in kale and that I will call them later... but then he hollered back that it was Rachel so I hollered back - tell her to bring Dave (her boyfriend) and come over and have soup with us - and so she did.

Then I called Ladette to see if she wanted to come by too and damned if she didn't just happen to be hanging out with her husband at a pub only a few blocks away. They came too.

Hence an impromptu dinner party - my dream come true.

Seriously, I dream of this but the stars are so rarely aligned in such a way as to accommodate impromptu dinner parties. House is clean? Check. Even the bathrooms? Mostly, check. Am I clean? Check. Got snacks? Check. Beer's cold? Check. Plenty of food? Check. Holy shit - c'mon over!

As if the evening wasn't already great enough Rachel caused me to squeal and carry on like a contestant on the Price Is Right, when she walked through the door with a Chantilly Torte cake from Arnie's for dessert. It's only my favorite cake EVER! Thanks Rach.

2. I start my new old job next Monday. When they told me that I'd have to take a drug test sometime this week my initial reaction was a quiet moment of slight panic until I remembered that I have nothing to fear. I have a guilty conscious but haven't been stoned in well over 10 years - unless you count Pamprin and I don't. If anything having to take the drug test is inconvenient because it causes me to leave the house and drive across town.

It's been awhile since I've had to take a drug test so I was very pleased to learn that they just take a hair sample now, which is so much more civilized than sitting in a room full of strangers avoiding eye contact with each other because we all know that each one of us is there waiting our turn to go piss in a cup. Eye contact avoidance aside, I will admit to looking around and trying to figure out who among us in the waiting room had the most to be worried about and it was never me.

3. MDH and I got a new bed a few weeks ago and it has been a glorious, transformative, life changing thing. It's a gigantic, king-sized, leather and teak* monstrosity of a bed. It's hard as a goddamn rock (extra firm) and so enormously huge that I have no idea what the hell MDH is getting up to waaaay over there on his side of it and I don't give a shit because I'm too busy sleeping like an angel through the night and waking up with no aches and pains.

His bowling ball doesn't knock over my wine glass anymore.

We love the new bed so much, and our bedroom has transformed into such a beautiful haven that we have agreed that whoever wakes up last makes the bed - and we have made the bed every day since. Not only that, but the room has remained clean and pristine. I actually dust in there now and put away all my clothes and shit where it belongs. Previously we were neither one of us bedmakers and we** had crap strewn everywhere to the point where not only was the room not a haven, I didn't even like walking by it. It was like a messy dorm room. We*** feel like grown ups now.

Each night before we turn out the lights we gaze lovingly at each other from across the vast expanse of it, sweep a leg around until our big toes are touching and declare aloud our love for each other and the new bed. I think it might be the best money we've ever spent.

*I don't actually know what kind of wood it is, but it is dark and teak-like.




WendyB said...

I keep asking for a bigger bed which annoys MrB but I need to be able to roam free at night.

Churlita said...

"It's hard as a goddamn rock (extra firm) and so enormously huge..." Your bed sounds like the kind of stuff good porn flicks are made of. Where can I get one?

SkylersDad said...

Your item #2 about the drug test takes me way back to when my wife and I first started trying to have kids. We had to do artificial insemination, and with this method she went into the OB/GYN to get prepped for the "turkey baster", while I went into a small room to "harvest a sample". No shit, that's what they called it! The small room was at the opposite end of the fucking waiting room, so you had to parade through the waiting room of women with your cup of jizz.

And that is why pretty much nothing on earth can embarrass me anymore.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

WendyB - Do it. I slept in the guest room for most of the fall and winter (because of my back) and finally MDH had had enough and broke down and agreed to a new bed. King size made sense because we sleep so well in them in hotels.

Churlita - I will say this - all things bedroom related are better now ;)
Seriously, find a furniture store that offers deep discounts and long term financing and you are golden... We got no payments or interest until 2012 AND a free 40" TV which I didn't mention in the post. Now, run along and go get a new bed.

Skydad - Giggling over here 'cause you said "jizz". And it's also funny that you had to carry yours around in front of strangers.

CDP said...

Not that your blog isn't always hilarious, but "cup of jizz" is the funniest thing I've seen in print in some time. We have a king bed too, and now I really can't imagine being without it.

BeckEye said...

I misread your post title and fully expected you to introduce me to something called soup cake. I was intrigued. And now I must try to go create this myself.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

CDP - yep - a full day later and I'm still laughing at that.

Beckeye - No need to strain yourself with new inventions. I've seen Kathy Griffin make something on her realityt show that she calls "cake soup" which appears to be cake mixed with melty ice cream.

Gwen said...

I sleep in a queen all by myself, right smack-dab in the middle. I'm going to have to invest in a King (maybe even a California King) if I ever again find someone with whom to share a bed.

Congrats on the old/new job!

Linka72 said...

We bought a king size bed and somehow I STILL wake up with one foot on the floor thanks to that dude I married. He claims that he's "just trying to be close to me"....he really thought I'd believe that bag of lies..*sigh* but..Yay on the bed and job!!

Chris said...

SkyDad -- I've done the Jizz Walk, too, following my (botched) vasectomy. Fortunately, they said if I got the "sample" to them in less than 30 minutes, it'd be good for testing (had to make sure I didn't have any swimmers), which meant I got to do the, ahem, harvesting at home. I brought my sample to the clinic in a brown paper bag with the word "LUNCH" written on it in magic marker.

My beloved Viennese wife could sleep all by her lonesome in a triple-California-super-king-sized bed and still feel crowded. Me, on the other hand? I'm happy sleeping on the couch with a dog and a cat and five pillows.

Anonymous said...

I have got to look for a King-Sized bed immediately.

Anonymous said...

IS VERY GOOD..............................